No Matter What
by ladygris
Summary: Jennifer learns she has someone on Atlantis who cares for her, no matter what.
1. Blank Slate

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Stargate: Atlantis or any of its characters. I do, however, own any original characters that may appear. Any similarity between these original characters and any other person, living or fictional, is entirely coincidental and not the intent of the author.

**Author's Note: **So, this is an idea that's been rolling around in my head for a month or so. I've never tried to write a multi-chapter fanfic _without_ an OC, so this will be a stretch for me. This story contains spoilers for the episodes "Tabula Rasa" to "Trio," maybe a little further. I decided to put in a mass spoiler alert in one spot rather than on every chapter that has one. I'm still working on Summer Snow, for those of you who are reading it. This is just a stop-gap to keep my writing muscles in shape. As always, hope you enjoy it. ~lg

oOo

Dr. Jennifer Keller stood in the infirmary, watching from a corner as Colonel Sheppard slept. The colonel had been unconscious for nearly twenty-four hours, the result of an aerosolized herbal remedy for a mutated childhood disease. Keller shook her head, blinking back her own scattered memories of the incident. She remembered very little of the time she'd suffered, an apparent side-effect of the disease. But she clearly recalled the fear. That, and Major Lorne shooting her.

Keller turned away from Sheppard. Teyla and Ronon had not left his side in the last couple of hours. In a curtained-off cubicle, Major Lorne still slept off the effects of the enchuri plant. Keller was grateful for that. While suffering from the Kirsan fever, Lorne had taken an overabundance of stimulants. The binge, combined with the physiological effects of the fever, created a chemical dependence in him that actually frightened her. Lorne was the most stable officer on Atlantis, and she hated to see him suffer.

Keller walked over to the cubicle and slipped inside. Lorne's body twitched as he withdrew, and he scowled in his sleep. She had ordered him restrained due to his penchant for sleepwalking under strange circumstances, but the major had stayed in the bed. He should wake in the next few hours, and he'd likely be confused when he did. For now, his vitals looked good, and he seemed to have come through the worst of the withdrawal while unconscious.

Several hours later, Keller sat in her office, trying to fill out reports for the entire incident. She had her research on the Kirsan fever, and the recent batch of blood tests showed that Atlantis personnel now had antibodies to fight the fever. But she couldn't remember much of anything that happened. She tried. It just came back in fuzzy flashes. She had given the security teams stimulants to combat the Kirsan fever, and some of them had taken too many. Her eyes went back to Lorne, who now slept peacefully.

Keller smiled as she watched the major sleep. For a man who routinely fought the Wraith and Replicators, he looked like a little boy. His scrubs and sheets were sweat-stained from his withdrawal, and he'd probably appreciate a shower when he awoke.

As if disturbed by her thoughts, he scowled. Keller pushed herself from her chair and wearily walked over to the cubicle. Lorne continued to scowl, and he pulled against his restraints. His eyes opened a moment later, and he blinked in confusion. "Doc?" he croaked.

Keller reached for the pitcher of water sitting next to his bed. "It's good to see you, Major."

"What happened?" He accepted help with the water, sipping from a straw until she said he'd had enough. "Were the restraints really necessary?"

"Yes." She tried to smile. "You were unreasonable for a time."

"I was hoping that was a dream."

"I'm sorry." She checked his vitals and gave him a genuine smile. "You'll only be here for another day at most. And, if you behave, I'll release you from your restraints and see that you get a shower."

Lorne's eyes brightened at that. "I'll try to restrain myself from being a nuisance, Doc." He nodded once. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Keller slipped out of the cubicle and spoke with one of her male nurses. Lorne would be showered and in a bed in the main ward before her next rounds. She sighed, feeling the weight of the last few days press in on her. Once Sheppard awoke, she'd head to bed. She couldn't remember a time when she'd been more tired.

oOo

Two days later, Lorne felt himself again. He clearly remembered almost everything. The stimulants affected enough of his memory that it all seemed completely logical. But he didn't struggle with the fuzziness being complained about across Atlantis.

Most everyone knew him as the leader of "the soldiers." Lorne shook his head at the irony. Sheppard had put him in charge of rounding up sick people, and he'd let it go to his head. He hated the feeling it caused and decided to do something about it. He'd told Keller that he wanted to speak with Sheppard, but the colonel had yet to make himself available. Lorne happened to know he'd be in his office that day, filling out paperwork that Carter had commanded him to do. Lorne figured it would be the best time to nail down his elusive CO.

Sheppard's head rose when he knocked on the wall beside the door. "Major. Come in."

"Thank you, Sir." Lorne looked around, shaking his head. For a man with Sheppard's reputation, the colonel kept a relatively neat office. The desk was a little messy, but Sheppard had to rebel in some way. Lorne stood in front of the desk, hands behind his back as he settled into parade rest. "I wanted to formally apologize for my actions during the recent crisis."

Sheppard gave him a funny look in the way only Sheppard could. "What are you talking about?"

"Sir, I took your orders and used them to play God to this base."

"Major, sit down." Sheppard waited while he plopped his behind in a chair. "I don't ever want to hear another half-baked apology like this again."

Lorne buried a grin at Sheppard's ire. "With all due respect, Sir-"

"No, you listen to me." Sheppard held up a hand. "You were dealing with something that no military training could have prepared you for. You couldn't remember anything beyond your orders, which you took to heart. I'll give you a little slack and say you could have avoided shooting Teyla, but that's it. Now, drop it."

Lorne stared at his CO, relief mixing with exasperation. He'd already spoken to Teyla, and she'd responded with the same forgiving attitude. He wished he could forgive himself so easily. "Thank you, Sir."

"Now, was that all?" Sheppard asked. "Because, if you're looking for something to do, I have plenty of requisition forms for you to fill out."

For once, Lorne decided he wasn't going to do his boss's paperwork. "Actually, Sir, I have a meeting. Doc Keller wants to run one more blood panel to make sure there are no lasting effects. It seems that the combination of the stimulant use with the Kirsan fever may have had a few adverse effects."

"Oh." Sheppard accepted that with a nod. "Well, then, don't let me keep you."

Lorne left the office, feeling marginally chagrined at lying to Sheppard. Keller had asked for one more blood panel, but that wasn't for a few more days. And she hadn't said anything about combining the stims with Kirsan fever. He just didn't want to spend the rest of his day doing paperwork. Not when he had one more stop to make.

Of all the things he clearly remembered, he could have done without the memory of shooting Dr. Keller. That woman had large needles, and she knew how to use a knife with surgical precision. Shaking his head at his own pun, he walked toward the infirmary to give Sheppard the impression of obeying doctor's orders.

He found Keller at her desk. "Got a minute, Doc?"

She looked up and gave him a friendly smile. "Major. I thought it would be a week before I saw you again."

"Yeah, well, I just can't get enough of the place," he deadpanned.

Keller snickered. "Yeah, right. So, spill."

All of a sudden, Lorne wasn't quite sure what to say. Keller might have had large needles and an accurate scalpel, but she was also a very attractive woman. He propped his hands on his hips. "Ah. . .I just wanted to come apologize for shooting you."

Keller gave him the same wry look Sheppard had. "You shot a lot of people, Major. Are you telling me you're apologizing to all of them?"

"No, just the ones who can cause me serious bodily harm."

"I see." She met his eyes, daring him to challenge her. Or so it seemed. "You realize I'm a doctor, right? Hippocratic Oath? First do no harm?"

"Doc, you're the one woman on this base that most Marines fear." He grinned when she blinked. "You may do no harm and all that, but you can also use the largest needles you have to make sure we don't want to visit this infirmary ever again. I shot you a few days ago, and I want to make sure my next physical isn't longer or more embarrassing than it should be."

Keller shook her head, muttering something about male pride. "Major, you have nothing to worry about. I, for one, hope I don't have to see you for a good long time."

Even though he knew she meant it with the best of intentions, Lorne grinned at her words. "Why, thank you, Doc. It's good to know where I stand."

"What?" Her eyes widened. "No! I mean-I was talking about-That didn't come out right."

"Clearly."

"I meant, I hope I don't have to see you as a patient for a good long time."

"So, if I asked you to dinner, you'd say yes?"

Her head came up swiftly. "What?"

"Relax, Doc. I'm kidding." He grinned again. "Unless, of course, your answer is yes."

Keller stared at him as she tried to figure out exactly what had just happened. Lorne's dry sense of humor made it difficult to distinguish between jokes and serious invitations. While she wasn't sure she wanted to date anyone, she'd gladly have dinner with the second-in-command of Atlantis just to get the Marines off her back. They liked to ask her out every time she appeared. She had started eating in her office for that very reason. Maybe she should take a chance. What harm could it cause? "Major, I think my answer is yes. I haven't had a chance to eat outside of my office for at least three weeks."

Lorne blinked, clearly caught off guard by her acceptance. "Ah. . .okay." He recovered quickly. "Tomorrow night at seven?"

And with that, Jennifer Keller had a date. She watched him leave the infirmary, shaking her head at herself. What was she thinking? She didn't want to dwell on it, but she liked the feeling Lorne's invitation stirred. Rather than making her feel uncomfortable or like a prize to be won, he inspired a wonderful thrill in the pit of her stomach while making it clear that she'd be completely safe. She wished the world had more men like Major Evan Lorne.

~TBC


	2. Grenades And Dates

**Author's Note:** Wow! Ten reviews for one chapter! That's a personal best for me! Thanks, guys! It's a HUGE encouragement after my week last week! To GJ and Kali, I'm so glad you liked the first chapter. There should be daily updates to this one. Keep checking back! As always, let me know what you think. ~lg

oOo

Early the next morning, Jennifer enjoyed the smell of freshly ground coffee as it brewed in her tiny coffee pot. On her last visit to Earth, she had stocked up on this one luxury. She normally drank it on the run, but, today, she decided to take the time to pour it into one of the smooth, white ceramic cups her father had bought for her last birthday. As she curled into the corner of her couch to sip the French Roast, she thought about the day.

She had a date that night. With Major Lorne. Not only was the man incredibly attractive, but he had nearly as many female worshippers as Colonel Sheppard. Jennifer refused to fool herself into thinking Lorne had asked her out because he was attracted to her. She was just the CMO. He likely thought that, by kissing up, she'd be a little nicer during his next physical. She couldn't care less about the reasons. If the Marines thought she was dating the major, they might behave a little better in the infirmary.

After finishing her coffee, Jennifer finished dressing and headed for the infirmary. Her shift started in five minutes, and she rarely arrived so late. But she'd taken a little extra time with her hair, knowing she'd likely have an emergency keep her from getting ready for dinner that night. She may have acted on impulse, but she wanted to appear presentable when she met Lorne.

Midway through the day, her radio buzzed. "Lorne to Keller."

Jennifer blinked and tapped her earpiece. "Go ahead."

"Ah. . . ." He hesitated, and she heard several male voices in the background. "I'm going to have to cancel our plans. Colonel Sheppard's team is pinned down, and we're being sent through as backup."

"I see." She blinked away the sudden disappointment and looked around the infirmary. "I'll be ready for injuries."

"Good call. Lorne out."

Jennifer sat down in her chair, her heart contradicting her head. She understood that he could be stuck off world indefinitely, but her heart had constricted when he broke their date. _Not that it really was a date_, she thought. _But it was a nice thought. Now, get over yourself._ Pushing herself to her feet, she forced herself to put away the girlish fantasies that had floated through her head all day and return to the ever-capable Dr. Keller.

She didn't see anyone until early evening. When Lorne returned with Sheppard's team, he did so with a bang. Literally. A Genii soldier tossed a grenade through the gate after them, leaving the two teams plus a Marine with varying degrees of injuries. Keller rushed to the gate room, two gurneys and three nurses behind her. She met utter chaos.

The gate was shut down, but the evidence of the grenade could be seen around the area. Lorne and Sheppard hovered over the Marine unlucky enough to take the brunt of the grenade. Keller's eyes quickly assessed the injuries, determining that Rodney's cuts and bruises and Ronon's black eye could wait. Sheppard and Lorne looked a little worse, both sporting cuts along their face and hands. Lorne had a split lip, and he cradled his arm as if he'd injured it. Coughlin and Reed seemed relatively unscathed, and Teyla had managed to escape more than a minor cut. The Marine, however, had deep burns across his hands and much of his face. Keller ordered Lorne to get on one gurney while she and Sheppard helped the Marine onto the other one. When Lorne argued, she merely pointed, her face telling him she wasn't up for his games. Lorne grinned ever so slightly as he settled in for the ride to the infirmary.

"What happened?" Keller asked as she walked behind the gurneys.

Sheppard fell into step with her. "When he saw the grenade, Franks there shoved Lorne out of the way and tossed it away from us. Lucky, too. We would have all been dead if he hadn't responded like that."

"Well, I hope you give him a medal for it. Most grenade injuries aren't so minor."

"It exploded mid-air, just after it left his hands." Sheppard shook his head. "He took the flash straight on. The fragments just scattered over all of us."

Ahead of them, McKay turned while he walked. "And it had to be a dud to have as little effect as it did."

"Well," Keller said as they reached the infirmary, "I, for one, am glad it was."

With their arrival, the infirmary went into overtime. Keller ordered Sheppard's team to separate beds and let her nurses see to them. She leaned over Franks, assessing his injuries. "Let's get some cool compresses and get him out of these clothes. And let's get him into isolation. I want to avoid infection if at all possible."

Marie nodded. Keller continued to assess the Marine, speaking softly to him as he submitted to her care. She knew he'd be in the infirmary either on Atlantis or on Earth for a while and wanted to make his stay as easy as possible.

Finally, she turned to face Lorne. While she'd been treating Franks, another nurse had examined the major. He sat on one of the beds, still waiting with his team for news on Franks. His arm rested in a sling, and he grimaced when he tried to move it. "Major?"

"Dislocated shoulder." He gave her a one-shouldered shrug. "I'll be fine. How's Franks?"

"Well, he's not out of the woods." She glanced behind her. "We're in the process of getting him set up and into isolation. Right now, infection will be a big issue. Our initial treatment is pretty basic. Clean the burns and keep the pain down. As he begins to heal, we'll know just how much medical attention he'll need."

Sheppard nodded. "I'll see to that medal as soon as possible, Doc."

Keller accepted that and returned to Franks. Her night had just been extended indefinitely. When she finally went to her office for a few moments, she found Lorne sitting on the couch, dozing as he waited for her. She reached out and touched his good shoulder. "Major."

He blinked to wake himself up. "Sorry about tonight, Doc."

Keller settled on the edge of the couch next to him. "The next time you apologize for something out of your control, I'm going to use the biggest needle I have in this infirmary."

He grinned. "Point taken." Then, he scowled. "Sorry. Bad pun. Wasn't meaning it."

Jennifer laughed softly. "I don't mind."

"So how long you gonna be here with Franks?" He glanced out the door. "I'd kinda like to have that dinner sometime this week."

"Well," she said as her face heated, "I want you resting tomorrow, so how does tomorrow night sound?"

His grin returned, though it wasn't as bright as it usually was. "I'll look forward to it." He reached out and grabbed her wrist when she stood up. "Hey, Doc, this isn't just about wanting to make it up to you. I'd really like to have dinner with you."

Jennifer stared at him, trying to find the will to breathe. He'd somehow read her thoughts and countered them with his typical direct manner. Instead of returning the sentiment, she smiled. "Good to know."

Lorne let her go then, and Jennifer felt his eyes on her as she headed for Franks's side. Somehow, her evening had turned out okay. Lorne had a split lip and dislocated shoulder, but he'd come out alive. And he'd spent a large majority of his evening dozing in her office so he could make her day. She barely contained the excited squeal that wanted to bubble inside, already planning how she would get off duty early the next day. If he wanted to have dinner with her, then she wanted to make sure she left a good impression. She refused to have her date with Major Lorne end as disastrously as the last one had.

oOo

Lorne sat at the table he'd chosen for dinner with Keller and waited patiently. She had passed him in the hall earlier that afternoon. He liked the blush that covered her face when she saw him, and he wondered if this was such a good idea. If things with the doc went sideways, he really didn't want to remind her of the hurt and anger. Nor did he want to transfer off Atlantis.

Irritated at himself for second-guessing his decision to ask her out, Lorne leaned back in his chair and readjusted his sling. He still had to wear the infernal thing for another day. Until then, he was off duty. Sheppard's orders. However, he had a couple mission reports to finish, and he couldn't decide if he wanted to sit at his desk and do paperwork or stand on a pier and paint. Actually, he could decide that. When faced with paperwork, painting sounded good any day of the week. But he _needed_ to do paperwork.

Keller appeared before he fully worked out his plans for the next day. Lorne remained in his comfortable position, watching reactions as she walked across the room. Heads turned, and he received his share of congratulatory nods. She hadn't dressed up, but she hadn't worn her uniform, either. The faded jeans accented her curves, as did the dark pink baby doll shirt with a lighter design flowing up the side. A fitted denim jacket that ended at her hips completed the look. Lorne shook his head. What was he doing?

He stood as she approached the table. "You look. . .different."

She grinned. "That wasn't the reaction I was hoping for, Major."

"It's not bad. It's just that I always see you in your uniform." He met her eyes. "And, if we're having dinner, it's 'Evan,' not 'Major.'"

She accepted that with a nod. "Jennifer." As they walked to the serving line, she chuckled. "Honestly, I think I've had several name changes since coming here. I've learned to respond to 'Doc' as well as 'Doctor,' 'Keller,' 'Healer,' and 'Hey, you!'"

Lorne laughed with her. "Then, Jennifer, I'll make sure you hear your name at least once a day."

She looked at him as if unsure what to say. Lorne wished he could take it back, but he realized he didn't want to. He wanted to see that smile cross her face again. As they filled their trays and headed back to the table he'd chosen, he realized that he couldn't keep things between them platonic. He liked her too much, something he never thought about before now.

Then, he realized his lie to Sheppard. "Ah, Jennifer, I hope I can ask a favor."

Keller turned to him as she grabbed a bottle of water. "Sure. What's up?"

"Well, I sorta lied to Colonel Sheppard."

She stopped midstep and stared. "You did what? Why?"

"He wanted to pawn his paperwork off on me, so I told him that you needed to see me to get some blood panels done." Lorne shrugged. "Something about the side effects of the stims combined with the Kirsan fever."

She resumed walking toward their table. "Well, that I understand. Paperwork is a necessary evil, but it seems we have an overabundance of it."

"So, you don't mind being used as an excuse?"

"Not if it's a good one." She shrugged. "I'll come up with something."

"Thanks, Doc."

"Jennifer," she corrected him. "Remember?"

They ate and laughed with each other for the next two hours. Lorne found Jennifer easy to tease, and she seemed to relax a bit when out of uniform. He liked this less polished, slightly out of her element side of her. She seemed totally relaxed by the time he pushed himself to his feet.

"Well, Jennifer, I hate to cut this short, but I happen to know you're going off-world tomorrow."

"Don't remind me." She stood and gathered their trays, not really noticing the now-empty mess hall. "I don't know what to take."

"You'll do fine." He walked with her as she headed for the door. "Just remember that the Athosians are people, too. And Teyla will be with you, as well."

"I know." She shrugged. "I'm just nervous, and I don't know how else to deal with it."

Lorne touched her shoulder as they reached her quarters. "If you need anything, you just call us. We'll be there, no matter what."

"I know," she said again. "Thanks, Evan. For a great evening."

He grinned at her. "You're welcome, Jennifer."

~TBC


	3. Missing

**Author's Note: **Special thanks to Gateworld for the transcripts of "Missing." As always, let me know what you think. ~lg

oOo

Lorne decided to combine business with pleasure the next day. He gathered his painting gear and tucked a small canvas under his arm along with his laptop. He'd promised his sister a beach landscape for her birthday, and she'd reminded him in a recent email that he only had two weeks to send her present. Lorne grinned. He honestly didn't mind her gentle reminders. He just hoped his second surprise-delivering the painting in person-was received with as much excitement.

Since he was technically off duty for another day, he decided to swipe a Jumper and head to the mainland for the afternoon. He'd be able to paint a fantastic sunset, and it wouldn't look much different from Earth's sunsets as long as he didn't include the planet's two visible moons. Sheppard approved the outing so long as he took someone else with him, and Lorne set out in search of Coughlin. He enjoyed his team's company, and he trusted Coughlin not to say much about his stop into the infirmary.

Jennifer rushed from one shelf to the next, grabbing supplies and stuffing them into a black duffel bag. She looked nervous and kept biting her lip ever so slightly. Lorne forced himself to focus on her actions and frowned. When she stopped at the shelf to peruse the supplies, he walked up next to her. "Jennifer."

She glanced over at him, a blush darkening her cheeks. "Hi."

He grinned. "Still can't use my name, can you?"

"It's a little weird. That's all." She grabbed a package of Band-Aids. "Does that bother you?"

"No." He watched as she continued to pack. "Where are you going?"

"Don't you know?"

"I thought you were going to see the Athosians." He motioned to the three bags she continued to fill. "You look like you're preparing for an epidemic."

"Don't say stuff like that." She stopped. "I'm just not sure what to bring. I mean, what are they going to need? How are they going to respond?"

Lorne buried the grin that surfaced at her hesitation. Didn't she know that she inspired loyalty in almost everyone she met? While the new Marines asked her out repeatedly, the more experienced personnel of Atlantis respected her. He moved to her side and covered her hand with his. "You'll be fine."

"I know." She turned her hand to squeeze his. "Thanks, though."

"My pleasure." Lorne gathered his computer and canvas and passed Teyla as she walked into the infirmary. Coughlin grinned at him but refused to say a word.

Before the door closed behind him, Lorne heard Teyla say, "Are you ready? They're preparing to dial the gate."

Leaving the infirmary level, Lorne led Coughlin up to the Jumper bay. He found Jumper Five, his personal favorite, and left Atlantis behind. His shoulder ached slightly, but he ignored it in favor of the freedom flying brought. When he returned to the city, he planned to spend some time at Franks's bedside. The Marine had saved his life, and he wanted Franks to know he appreciated the gesture.

On the mainland, Lorne set up the lawn chair he'd brought and listened to the surf as he dutifully pounded out several mission reports. He had his notes and his memory, which served him well. The mission to rescue Sheppard's team from the Genii was burned into his brain. He couldn't forget seeing the grenade leave Franks's hands as it exploded. For a moment, he'd thought he would die. Oddly enough, in that moment, he only wanted to see Jennifer.

Lorne shook his head as he set up his easel. When had he stopped thinking of her as Doc or Keller? _Last night_, he answered himself. _When she told you how many names she'd gained since coming here._ He knew he should probably put more space between them, but he couldn't stay away. She was like flame, and he felt like the moth. Inexplicably drawn, whether he wanted it or not.

_No_, he corrected his thoughts. _I do want it. I just wonder if it's wise._ A moment later, he dropped his paintbrushes into the jar of thinner and forced himself to focus. If this painting was to be his sister's birthday gift, he needed to focus a little more on the colors and a lot less on Jennifer Keller.

An hour later, he realized he'd gained an audience. Coughlin, who had strolled up the beach for a private swim, returned and settled into the lawn chair to dry in the fading sun. Now, he watched his CO with something akin to awe. Lorne didn't want the attention to go to his head, but he had to admit the painting was probably one of his best. He'd spent the last year painting Atlantis, and the complicated cityscapes made the sunset seem easy. As he added a touch of lavender, he glanced over his shoulder. "You have a question, Coughlin?"

"Yeah." Coughlin pointed. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

"My mom." Lorne grinned at the canvas. "She was an art teacher. It's what we did on weekends. I promised my sister a small sunset a few months ago, and her birthday is in two weeks. If I want this to arrive on time, I need to get it done."

"Sister, huh?" Coughlin moved to stand next to his elbow. "So, what's up with Dr. Keller?"

Lorne glanced at him. "Sorry?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Sir." Coughlin grinned at him. "Going to visit her this morning. Calling her 'Jennifer.'"

"You are under orders to keep that to yourself." Lorne sighed. "She's a friend."

"A friend." Coughlin nodded. "Keep telling yourself that. You might actually believe it one day."

Lorne chuckled when Coughlin's words echoed his sentiments from a few moments ago. He continued painting, but the sunlight faded quickly. After adding the last few integral parts of the scene to the canvas, he quickly gathered up his paints. He could put the finishing touches on later, after his second visit to the infirmary.

Coughlin rode quietly, leaving his CO to his thoughts. Lorne appreciated the silence and knew he'd have to thank the guy for not prodding about Jennifer. He wasn't even ready to fully consider what was happening between him and the doc. After all, they'd only had one dinner, and that couldn't even really count as a date. If he'd truly thought about it, he'd have pulled out all the stops. But Jennifer wasn't ready for that. Neither was he, for that matter. When he'd joked about asking her to dinner, he'd never expected her to accept. It had taken every ounce of his control to not do a double take when he heard "yes" come out of her mouth. Still, he wasn't sorry he'd made time for dinner. Not one bit.

In the infirmary, he found Franks still unconscious and still in isolation. Marie told him that Jennifer wanted the Marine kept in a medically induced coma for pain management. Lorne couldn't imagine what Franks would feel if not for that medication. Rather than making a nuisance of himself, he left Franks to the expertise of the medical team and retired to his quarters to finish his painting.

oOo

"She wouldn't turn off her radio," McKay said as Lorne walked into the control room the next day. The scientist stood on the balcony overlooking the debarkation area around the gate.

"No, she wouldn't," Ronon agreed.

Sheppard turned his back to his two team members. "Calling anyone in the Athosian settlement. This is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Do you copy?" After a moment, he tried again. "Teyla, this is Sheppard. Please respond."

Lorne joined the three men with a concerned look on his face. "What's going on, Sir?"

"Teyla and Keller haven't returned from New Athos, and they're not responding to our radio calls." Sheppard looked concerned.

Concern blossomed in the pit of Lorne's stomach. Various scenarios raced through his mind, none of them with positive results. He waited while Sheppard glanced at him. "Sir?"

"Stay here." Sheppard nodded to Ronon and McKay. "We'll go in a Jumper, see if we can figure out what happened. Lorne, you're now on active duty. Stay here and hold the fort down. Have medical teams on standby, as well."

"Yes, Sir." Lorne watched as the three men headed for the Jumper bay. He wanted to follow them, to go and be Jennifer's hero. But he'd been given orders, and he meant to follow them. He could find Keller in the infirmary later, after she'd been safely returned by Sheppard.

The next two hours passed slowly. Lorne paced and tried to fill the time with mundane paperwork. That didn't even help. He refused to bug Sheppard and knew the colonel would return when he had Teyla and Keller safely in his Jumper.

When the gate activated, he stood on the balcony overlooking the gate and watched as the Jumper rose into the bay. He tapped his radio. "Medical teams to the Jumper bay." After making the announcement, he headed for the Jumper bay.

Jennifer limped out of the Puddle Jumper, eyes wide and haunted. Her lip had been split, dirt smudged her cheeks, and she looked exhausted. But she had a strength to her pace that she hadn't had when she left. He wanted to follow her to the infirmary but turned to Sheppard instead.

"The Athosians are missing." Sheppard wasted no time getting to the point. "Teyla and Keller spent the night in the woods with some guy they claim is a Wraith worshipper. Although they didn't know it at the time. When we got there, a group of tribesmen known as Bola Kai had taken over the planet and taken Teyla and Keller captive. They're a little shaken up, especially Teyla."

Lorne nodded. "I can imagine."

Sheppard touched his shoulder. "They'll be fine, Major."

"Yes, Sir." Lorne let the team head to the infirmary, already making plans to visit Jennifer later that evening.

oOo

Keller sat at her desk later that evening, memories of her time on New Athos floating through her head. She'd made a fool of herself that day. Teyla had gone into this Amazonian, warrior-woman mode that intimidated her, and she'd been unable to find the strength she needed right until the very end. And then there was the minor issue of shooting another human being. After the beating she'd taken from the Bola Kai and the betrayal of a man she'd trusted enough to help, not to mention eating raw meat from that creature and nearly falling to her death from a rope bridge, she felt she might still be sick.

Lorne appeared at her door and waited until she noticed him. "Jennifer?"

She smiled at his use of her name, but it tugged at her split lip. "Hey."

He moved into the office. "How are you? Really?"

She took the time to really consider the answer. "I don't know. I mean, I'm fine. Physically. Sprained ankle and a few bruises, but otherwise okay. But, I'm not sure how to deal with all the memories."

Lorne nodded sympathetically and touched her shoulder. "Let me know if I can help."

She smiled again, reaching up to touch his hand. "Thanks, Evan."

His smile nearly split his face. "See? You can do it."

Jennifer flushed, thinking about all the times during the long night in that blind that she'd thought about Evan Lorne. As she'd waited and prayed for daylight, she'd imagined having him meet her with that friendly smile and dry wit. During her short time in the Bola Kai cage, she'd hoped he would come through the gate to rescue her even if he did have an injured shoulder. And, while facing Nabel, she'd wished she had the courage to tell him how she really felt, how his very appearance sent chills down her spine. She'd wanted to return to this man with everything in her, and that had given her the strength to pull the trigger when faced with protecting herself and Teyla or surrendering.

Rather than admitting all these things to him, she let her hand drop. "I really need to check on Teyla."

"Right." He backed away and let her stand. "I just passed Sheppard. He wanted me to tell you that you've been cleared for three days on Earth."

She allowed herself to truly smile. "Thank you. So much."

"So, ah, I was wondering." Evan followed her as she left the office. "Dinner when you get back?"

Jennifer forced herself to meet his eyes, hoping she wouldn't blush too badly. "I'd like that. Very much."

He left the infirmary, then, and she found Sheppard standing beside Teyla's bed. She waited while the colonel left, knowing that Teyla would not want the results of her blood tests made common knowledge. Finally, she turned to her friend and let out a deep breath.

~TBC


	4. Fallout

Lorne barely saw Jennifer over the next week. The day after she returned from New Athos, she walked back through the gate, headed for home. He didn't blame her. He'd been through some pretty rough patches since coming to Atlantis, but none of them could compare to what she faced. She'd been assigned the position of CMO weeks before Elizabeth Weir died. Then, shortly thereafter, an alien entity killed Kate Heightmeyer. Now, she faced the memories of being hunted and captured by a tribe of cannibals. Even he would want to go home after that!

Jennifer returned while he was off-world. Lorne headed for the infirmary after his mission, expecting Dr. Cole to perform his post-mission exam. He walked through the door and nearly stopped walking. Jennifer stood next to her desk, studying reports from the few days she'd been home.

A few moments later, she headed his way. "Major."

"Doc." He studied her. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know," she said as she glanced around, "I'm fine."

"Right." He let her go about the post-mission check, trying not to glare. She didn't look fine. She still wore the brace on her ankle, and her split lip seemed to have healed slightly. As her hands moved with confidence, he tried to meet her eyes. "So, Jennifer, how was home?"

"Good." She offered a tiny smile. "You're good to go, Major."

Lorne took the insult with a grain of salt. She seemed nervous, and he squelched the desire to ask her to dinner the next evening. He buried his disappointment and headed for the conference room. Later, after the debrief, he worked on finishing his sister's painting.

Three days later, Lorne realized that he hadn't seen Keller outside of the infirmary. He knew she still wrestled with what she'd seen while on New Athos, and he doubted she'd told her father anything. He finished his sister's painting and twiddled his thumbs for a few moments before making a decision. He didn't know how it would be received, but he intended to drag Jennifer out of that infirmary and down to the mess hall for dinner. He was unprepared for what he found.

Dr. Cole glanced up as he walked through the door. "Major?"

"Doc." He gave her a slight nod. "I'm looking for Dr. Keller."

Cole gave him an irritated look and pointed to one of the beds. Lorne turned and stared. Jennifer lay on her side, curled into a fetal position as she slept. He blinked. Cole moved to his side. "She's been down here every night."

Lorne thanked Cole with another nod and walked to Jennifer's side. She curled one hand under her cheek, and she shivered slightly. He reached out and gently shook her shoulder. "Jennifer?"

She stirred slightly.

"Jennifer, it's Evan." He shook her shoulder again. This time, she woke with wild eyes. "Whoa!" He backed away as she sat up, swinging wildly. He grappled with her, trying to get her arms under control.

As quickly as she woke, she calmed. "Evan?"

"Come here." Lorne hopped up onto the edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder, letting her tears soak through his shirt. He simply held her, quietly running his fingers through the ends of her hair. "Shhh. It's okay. You're at home. You hear me? You're safe."

Finally, Jennifer nodded. She sat up and glanced around. Thankfully, Dr. Cole had given them their privacy, and Lorne knew rumors would not spread because of this. As soon as Jennifer regained her composure, he stood and pulled her to her feet. She frowned. "Where are we going?"

"Well, I was going to take you to dinner." He gave her a gentle nudge toward the door. "But I think you need sleep, first."

She sighed but walked out of the infirmary ahead of him. Lorne let her go, knowing she needed time to fully assimilate her experiences on New Athos. From her fight back there, she'd clearly been stuck in the past, still trying to fight off the monsters. He wished he could stick around and beat them back so she could get a good night's sleep, but he knew Jennifer wouldn't agree.

At her quarters, she tried to smile. "Thanks for walking me home."

"Don't worry about it." He waited while she opened her door. "We're having dinner tomorrow evening. You spend too much time in that infirmary."

She faced him, tucking her hands behind her back. "Is that an order, Major?"

"Ah. . .do I need to make it an order?"

This time, she truly smiled. "No."

"Good." He watched as she headed into her room. "Hey, Jenny?"

She turned again, appearing as surprised at hearing the nickname as he was at saying it. "Yes?"

"Sweet dreams." Lorne walked away before she said anything, not quite sure he liked the feelings stirring in his chest. For so many years, he'd been so careful to avoid personal relationships like this. Yet, somehow, he'd found a woman who almost asked for overprotective men to surround her. Not that Jennifer did it intentionally. But her innocence drew good men as well as not-so-good men. Lorne decided to be around when she fell apart so that the idiots on Atlantis who would take advantage of her wouldn't have a chance to even get close. He refused to allow her to be hurt again. One broken heart was enough. She didn't need another one.

oOo

The following evening, Evan appeared in the infirmary right on schedule. Jennifer grinned when he appeared, thankful he had followed through on his promise. She didn't want to spend another evening eating alone. Rather than dwelling on that, she let him pull her to her feet and lead her out of the infirmary. Once out in the corridor, she leaned close. "You're going to have my nurses gossiping about my love life."

Evan turned while she still spoke, surprising her. "Is that a problem?"

Jennifer pulled back. "No."

He gave her a look that said he didn't quite believe her, but he didn't comment. Instead, he put an empty tray in her hands with orders to eat something substantial. Jennifer filled the tray with food that really didn't appeal and limped over to the table he chose. She felt everyone's eyes on her, and she couldn't stop the flush that covered her face.

Evan noticed. "What?"

She glanced around, seeing no one really looking at her. "Nothing. I'm just a little on edge lately."

"You have every right to be on edge." He dug into his meal. "How was home?"

"Good." She took a bite and chewed while she figured out exactly how much to share. Did he really want to know that she still couldn't sleep at night? Did she want him to know that she jumped at shadows and kept the lights on all the time? "I took up crochet."

"Really?"

"Yeah, my mom crocheted all the time. She said it calmed her down." Jennifer shrugged. "I decided to give it a try."

He reached across the table and covered her hand with one of his. "You're going to make it through this."

She nodded. "I hope so."

Evan kept the conversation light, focusing on her visit with her dad. Jennifer appreciated that. He wanted to ask the really hard questions. She could see it in his eyes. But he held back.

Three days later, she wished he'd asked the hard questions. She woke in the middle of the night, screaming as she thrashed around in her bed. She could still smell the filth of the Bola Kai as they carried her away. She flinched when her movement reflected in the window, thinking a blade of some sort had been thrown her way. And her hands shook as she remembered using the gun on Nabel. While she understood Teyla and the survivalist attitude they had been forced to adopt, she didn't know if she could handle it. This was what being on Atlantis was about. Did she even belong here?

That evening, Evan appeared like usual. Tonight, she didn't argue when he pulled her out of her office. Just like she'd predicted, the entire infirmary buzzed about her relationship with Atlantis's most eligible major. Some of the nurses already had them spending the night at each other's places. Jennifer walked beside Evan, thinking about these things, when he turned to her. "How are you? Really."

She heard the steel in his voice and knew she couldn't hide anymore. "I'm fine."

"See, that's just it." He put his hands on his hips. "You're not fine. I can see it. Everyone else can see it. But you refuse to accept it."

"What do you want me to do?" She tried to roll with the anger and hurt that his words stirred in her but failed miserably. "Admit that I don't belong here?"

That confused him. "What are you talking about?"

"I _shot_ a man, Evan." Tears pressed into the backs of her eyes. "Do you know what that did to me? After everything that happened on that planet, I shot a man in cold blood. Do you even know what I said? I told him that I was a healer, but I had to have something to heal, first. That makes me no better than someone who kills just to study the process."

He now looked thoroughly confused. "Wait. What does shooting a man in the leg have to do with you not belonging on Atlantis?"

"I'm not like you. I'm not brave. I don't do the outdoors thing. I don't even fight." She threw out her hands in exasperation, hating the tears that she could barely hold back. "I came back because I have a contract with the SGC. That's it. If it had been up to me, I would have stayed on Earth."

His confusion faded, and his face softened. "I'm glad you didn't."

His words, combined with the relief that she saw, undid her. Rather than standing there and falling apart on him, she excused herself. As soon as she rounded the corner, she began to run. She'd tried to run on the planet, and it had resulted in her sprained ankle. Now, that ankle hurt with every step she took. But she couldn't stop. She kept going, trying to outrun the pain, the anger, the nightmares. Maybe, if she thoroughly exhausted herself, she'd sleep that night.

Jennifer didn't hear the footsteps behind her. She didn't pay attention to her path. She ran until her lungs gave out on her. When she stopped, she stood on one of the piers, barely able to draw in the needed air as tears poured down her face. She bent over and braced her hands on her knees, and her tears dropped onto the ground. She tried to catch her breath, but the sobs kept that from happening.

Shoes appeared in her line of sight, and she jumped back when Evan touched her shoulder. He held up his hands, speaking softly to her, calling her Jenny, approaching her without quick movements. As soon as his hands settled on her shoulders, every barrier she'd built against the emotions of her ordeal on New Athos broke. She dissolved in his arms.

Evan just held her. He whispered to her, but she didn't hear him. Instead, she grabbed his shirt and held on for dear life. This man was real. He wasn't going away. Even though she'd run from him, Jennifer knew that she needed him in her life.

oOo

Sheppard walked out of the gym and toward crew quarters. He and Ronon had just spent the last hour sparring, and John needed a shower. He hated getting his butt kicked, and Ronon did it quite frequently. Still, he was improving. Or so Ronon said.

The transporter took him to crew quarters as he thought about what to do with Teyla. The Athosian had gone into a state of mourning in the last few days. She trained constantly, ran often, and spoke of revenge. While most wouldn't call that mourning, most didn't know Teyla. That woman never let anything get to her. While she cared and was passionate about her beliefs, she was also the first to forgive a wrong. John worried that the mood swings and the loss of her people had altered one of the many things that drew him to her.

Ahead of him, another transporter opened. John stopped and blinked. Lorne stepped out, carrying a sleeping Keller. The front of the major's shirt looked like it had seen better days, and his expression warned everyone to avoid commenting. Keller, however, actually looked peaceful in spite of the blotchiness of her skin. John stared, knowing Lorne had to pass him to get to Keller's quarters.

The major nodded once. "Sir."

"Lorne." Sheppard reversed his direction. "Let me get the door for you."

At Keller's quarters, Sheppard entered his command code. Lorne walked in, but he remained at the door as the major gently laid Keller on her bed. John watched as Lorne carefully removed her shoes, covered her with a blanket, and left a short note on the nightstand. When had this happened? From the look on Lorne's face, he cared deeply for the young doctor. Not that John really blamed him. Keller inspired many men, himself included, to adopt her as a younger sister. But Lorne's thought clearly ranged into the personal arena.

Once out in the corridor, Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "How is she?"

"Not doing good." Lorne met his eyes. "Sir, she's still stuck back there, on New Athos."

Sheppard nodded. He felt the major's pain. Teyla had been stuck on New Athos since her return, as well. He let out a deep breath. "Well, Lorne, what are we going to do about it?"

~TBC

**Author's Note: **Don't worry. I'm not leaving the confines of the show's plot. "The Seer" will be the next episode to be covered. But, in reality, it would have taken a lot longer than a week for Keller's and Teyla's injuries to heal-not to mention their emotional scars. So, I'm taking the time to explore a little of what that might have done to them. As always, let me know what you think. ~lg


	5. Coping

Jennifer woke slowly the next morning, stretching luxuriously in the bed. Her hair pulled, and she touched it, frowning. Why had she gone to bed with more than a simple braid in her hair? She sat up, and her head automatically began pounding. Her eyes burned, and she suddenly remembered.

She'd lost it all over Major Lorne.

Jennifer groaned in embarrassment and pushed herself from her bed. The sun shone brightly, and she checked the time. 0800 hours. She should have been on shift an hour ago! She scrambled for her radio, knocking her com unit and a piece of paper under the bed in her haste. After crawling under the bed and retrieving both of them, she tapped the earpiece. "Keller to the infirmary."

"Dr. Cole here." The woman's warm voice relieved Keller. They had obviously called in her backup.

"Dr. Cole, I am so sorry. I forgot to set an alarm last night and overslept."

"Don't worry about it." Cole sounded amused. "I imagine we'll survive for another hour or two."

Jennifer sat down on her bed, her ankle finally starting to make itself known. She frowned at her foot, seeing the swelling through her socks. "Actually, Dr. Cole, if you can hold down the fort for the day, I might need to take some time off. I think I re-agitated that sprain." _Please don't ask, please don't ask, please don't ask_, she thought.

"I see." Cole still sounded amused. "Take the time you need. And, if you need it, come in and let me take a look at that ankle. Cole out."

Jennifer sat on her bed, reliving the last few moments she remembered from last night. She hadn't eaten. Instead, she'd taken off, running from Lorne and his assertion that she was not fine. He couldn't have been more right, but she hated the fact that he knew it. Her cheeks heated as she realized he must have carried her to her quarters and tucked her in bed. In that instant, she remembered the note. She looked down. _Call when you wake up. We'll talk. Ev._

Rather than contacting him right away, she rose and limped to the bathroom. A shower did wonders for her headache, and her eyes finally quit burning. A light coat of makeup covered the puffy signs of her breakdown, and she took the time to wrap her ankle again. She really should stay off of it.

Finally, dressed in trendy blue jogging pants and a white t-shirt, she tapped her radio. "Keller to Lorne."

"Go ahead."

Her heart sank at his matter-of-fact greeting. She rose and began coffee. "You asked me to call you when I woke up."

"Ah. . .yeah, I did." He hesitated slightly, and she heard male voices on the other end. "Can you give me about thirty minutes?"

"Sure." She looked around. "I'll have coffee ready."

"Sounds good. Lorne out."

Jennifer rushed to make her bed and straighten her room. The glorious smell of French Roast coffee filled the air, and she had just gathered the skein of yarn and crochet hook she brought back from Earth when Lorne arrived.

He frowned at the brace on her ankle. "I thought you quit wearing that."

"Yeah." She shrugged. "I agitated it last night."

Thankfully, he didn't comment about her emotional run through the city. Instead, he accepted the coffee cup she gave him and added a small amount of sugar to it. "Mmmm," he said a moment later. "This is good."

"It's my favorite." She held up the package. "They sell it as beans, but I don't have a grinder. And I'm running out quickly."

Lorne laughed. "You should see your face. You're staring into that bag of coffee like it's the most precious thing in the world. And you just realized you can't get anymore."

"Yeah, well, maybe it is." She carried her coffee cup to the couch, where she intended to spend the majority of the day. After motioning Lorne into a chair, she grinned at him. "I lived on this stuff in med school. And I still live on it-when I can get it. I know the mess hall has coffee, but this is better."

He took another sip. "I can see why."

She smiled at the compliment and assessed his attire. "Are you on duty?"

"Yeah, but don't worry." He shrugged. "Sheppard knows what's going on."

Jennifer's face heated again. "You told him?"

"Relax, Jenny. He caught me carrying you back to your room." His smile softened. "And he was the _only_ one."

"Oh, I could have done without that image." She covered her face. "I don't need Colonel Sheppard hovering."

"He won't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"He knows you have me to hover," Evan said with a grin. That grin faded quickly. "Seriously, though. Why don't you talk to anyone? If not a friend, then the psychologist. That's what he's here for."

Jennifer studied her coffee, trying to find the words to explain her reluctance to let anyone into her world. Finally, she looked up and met his eyes. "He's not Kate."

Evan nodded. Even though she wanted Atlantis to be safe, she knew things could change in an instant. Kate's death proved how drastic those changes could be. A simple touch had transmitted a creature into her that ultimately killed her.

Finally, Evan let out a deep breath. "Listen, I need to get back to work, but I don't like you hiding in this room." He grinned. "Care to join me for a movie tonight?"

She blinked at the invitation. "Um. . .wow. I'm not sure what to say."

"Yes?" He chuckled at her hesitation. "Face it, Jenny, you're stuck with me. No matter what."

"I am, huh?" She decided to return the grin. "So does that mean I get to pick the movie?"

"As long as it's not a sappy chic flick." He set his coffee cup beside the coffee pot. "I do have a reputation to uphold."

She laughed. "I'll try to remember that."

Evan excused himself after that, and she settled back with a second cup of coffee. Time wasn't a luxury she generally had, so she decided to enjoy the day.

Her smile faded as she thought about Kate and recent events. It had been way too long since she slept well, and, even though she'd cried herself to sleep, she knew she'd rested the night before. When she awoke three hours later, still slumped into the couch, she decided that she needed to take time to herself more often. She might actually get something done.

oOo

That evening, Jennifer limped into the mess hall to see Lorne surrounded by his team. Rather than approaching him, she decided a quiet dinner to herself would suffice. After inviting her to a movie, he hadn't called for the rest of the day. In his defense, she had fallen asleep, and he was the kind of man to take her at her word. Still, she wondered if it was such a good idea. She still hadn't figured out what movie she wanted to watch.

Before she finished eating, Lorne's team disbanded with a burst of laughter that had Evan pointing at Reed and speaking rapidly. Jennifer wondered about the joke but knew she probably preferred not knowing. Men had such strange ways about them. Still, this glimpse into Evan's team was revealing. He may have been the shortest guy on his team, but his men clearly respected him. Even Reed, who blushed furiously at whatever Evan had just said. Jennifer turned back to her meal with a grin.

Without warning, Evan dropped into the chair next to her. She jumped slightly and laughed at her lack of awareness. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting that."

He grinned. "Too bad, Doc. You promised me a movie. Remember?"

"I remember." She let out a deep breath. "Unfortunately, I have no idea what movie to pick. I'm not in the mood for a tear-jerker, but I don't really know what guys like."

"How about you come for the movie, and I'll pick something?" He shrugged. "Nothing too emotional or sappy, but not too serious, either."

She smiled in relief. "Sounds good." She gathered her tray and followed him out of the mess hall. This time, she didn't feel like all eyes followed her every step. Of course, her nurses had probably spread the rumor that she and Lorne were dating, even if they hadn't made it official.

He chose _Transformers_. Jennifer sat back on the couch, Evan's shoulder against hers, and decided to enjoy the movie. While it had serious parts to it, she found it hard to think about Bola Kai while laughing at giant robots that transformed into cars. By the end of the evening, she'd totally relaxed. Evan made it hard to stay tense when he kept a running commentary going as the movie progressed. She suspected he did so for her benefit, and she appreciated it. Hopefully, with his dry jokes running through her head, she'd be able to sleep.

As he walked her to the door, he frowned slightly. "Hey, uh, I'm heading back to Earth for a few days next week." He shrugged. "My sister's 30th birthday. And I promised her I'd be there."

Jennifer grinned at him. "I hope you have a great time."

"Oh, it's hard not to." He let his grin widen until it nearly stretched off his face. "I get to see my nephews."

His tone reminded Jennifer of an ecstatic child jumping up and down at the prospect of a new toy. She laughed. "I can see the draw."

"Anyway," he said, "I was wondering if there's anything you want brought back from Earth."

_He's asking out of courtesy, Jenn_, she reminded herself. _He probably asked his team the same question._ "No. But I appreciate the thought."

Evan accepted that with a nod and touched her shoulder. "Sweet dreams, Jenny. And remember, I don't mind being woke up in the middle of the night."

She nodded and left him standing in his doorway. Who was she kidding? She liked Evan Lorne way too much. She needed to put some distance between them if she didn't want to get hurt.

oOo

Two days later, Jennifer sat in her office, pouring over a patient's chart, when Teyla entered her office. She smiled. "Teyla. Is everything okay?"

"I am afraid not." The Athosian stood awkwardly in front of the desk.

Jennifer stood quickly, her mind racing to any number of scenarios. None of them were good. "What's going on?"

"I fear I may have been harsh and unfeeling in my treatment of you over the last few days." Teyla met her eyes. "I understand you're not coping well with what happened on New Athos. I wanted to apologize to you for not being a support you needed after we returned to Atlantis."

Jennifer blinked at the apology. "No, Teyla, you're fine." She shrugged. "I'm fine. Well, not fine in the conventional sense of the word, but I will be."

Teyla nodded. "I am glad you've found a way to cope with what happened."

"Well, I don't know about coping." Jennifer closed the office door and motioned Teyla to the couch. She chose to settle into the spot where Evan had dozed the night his shoulder had been dislocated. "But I'm okay. I'm sleeping through the night, now, and I've got people to talk to when the dreams get bad."

Teyla smiled. "I am glad you found someone you trust." Her voice held a trace of wistfulness.

Jennifer shrugged. "Well, I don't know about finding someone. He kind of pushed himself into my world and made sure he wasn't going away." She realized how that sounded and glanced up quickly. "Not that I'm complaining. He's been wonderful. But it was almost a command decision that was out of my hands."

Teyla regarded her with one eyebrow raised. "You are speaking of Major Lorne, are you not?"

"Yeah." Jennifer flushed. "How did you know?"

"Colonel Sheppard mentioned it." Teyla smiled. "Right at the same time he told me I'd been unfeeling and cold toward you."

"Teyla, you weren't unfeeling and cold." Jennifer motioned to her. "You've got a lot of stuff to think about right now. As much as I'm reeling from this, I can't imagine what you're going through."

"It has been. . .difficult."

"Besides, I owe you my life. How could I get mad?"

"Thank you, Dr. Keller. I appreciate that."

"Jennifer, please."

Teyla nodded, and the two women continued to chat for quite some time. Their conversation inevitably came back to New Athos. Teyla let out a deep breath. "I am unsure of so many things right now. I have told no one about this child, and that concerns me." She blinked, seeming close to tears. "His father should be the first to know."

Jennifer shook her head. While on the planet, Teyla had become a ruthless warrior unafraid to do whatever it took to survive. Now, she became a woman with fears for her future, her baby's future, and her people's fate. The pressure she felt had to be incredible. Jennifer put a hand on Teyla's shoulder. "You'll make the right decisions. I know you will." She motioned toward Teyla's belly. "Just don't wait too long to tell Colonel Sheppard."

Teyla cocked her head to one side. "I am unsure what to tell him. He seems. . .concerned for my well-being."

"He is your team leader."

"This is true." Teyla frowned. "And, yet, I sense something deeper in his concern."

Jennifer laughed at the uncertain tone. "As if having Colonel Sheppard hovering is a bad thing."

"Or Major Lorne," Teyla said with a grin, causing Jennifer to blush.

After Teyla left, Jennifer thought about the visit. She'd never truly had the chance to connect with Teyla, and that chance had come. Between Evan and Teyla, she finally felt like she had a few true friends on Atlantis.

~TBC


	6. The Seer

Evan dropped into a chair and grinned at his sister. Ellen handled turning thirty with such aplomb that he envied her. Nearly ten years her senior, he had a soft spot for his sister born of too many nights babysitting while Mom and Dad went out to dinner. Not that he minded, now. But he had argued against it, then.

In the back yard, her two boys, Chris and Jared, played catch with their dad. It was part of Ellen's birthday request. She'd wanted a painting from her brother and a day away from being "Mom" from her husband. Evan didn't blame her. The two boys seemed rather rambunctious and likely wore her out most days. Even now, he'd come inside to visit with his sister, much to the consternation of his nephews.

Ellen reached across the table and nudged his hand. "So, what's different with you?"

Evan wondered exactly how to answer that. He couldn't just announce that he was falling for the CMO on base. He didn't even know if he was falling for Jennifer. And to say he'd met someone would bring up all those questions. "Nothing. Things are pretty normal."

"Right." Ellen settled back in her chair. "You're lying to me."

"I can't pull one over on you, can I?"

"Nope." She held up her hands. "Fine. You don't want to talk about it. I get it. But, to keep me from talking, you gotta take me shopping later."

"Shopping?" Evan grinned. "Maybe I oughtta 'fess up and save myself the pain."

Ellen kicked him under the table.

As he jumped, their mother entered the room. "Children. Play nice."

Evan squelched the urge to needle his sister by saying, "But she kicked me!" He knew it would only earn him even greater pain than shopping with his sister. In all honesty, he needed to head out to the stores. When they found out he was taking a trip to Earth, his team had written down a specific request per person for him to carry back to Atlantis. Evan had added one of his own. He turned to Ellen. "Tomorrow morning, before I fly out?"

She agreed, and he spent the remainder of the evening wrestling with his nephews. As he dropped into bed that night, he wondered why he chose to live a galaxy away. He'd missed his family, those two boys, and the convenience of life on Earth. Then, Jennifer's face floated through his head. If he left Atlantis-which he'd never seriously considered-he'd never see her smile again. Never hear her laugh. Never share another movie where she laid her head on his shoulder without realizing what she did. Evan let out a deep breath. Coughlin was right. He did care about Jennifer Keller more than he'd ever thought possible. Only one problem stood between realizing this and actually acting on this realization. He didn't know if Jennifer was ready for it.

The next day, he made sure to pack all of his personal luggage before leaving for the mall with Ellen. Her husband had returned to work, and he gladly took over child care, freeing his sister to wander stores at her whim. An hour before he needed to leave the mall, he'd managed to get every request on his list save one. He nudged Ellen's shoulder when he spotted the store. "I'm gonna stop in here."

She shrugged. "Okay. They don't get coffee on the base you're at?"

Evan grinned. "Ah. . . Not the kind like here."

She gave him a curious glance. "I didn't know you were so picky about coffee. You've always been like Dad. Able to drink it no matter how black it was."

"I'll have you know that some of the guys asked for certain things while I was in the States." He nodded toward the store. "It's the last thing on the list."

Ellen gathered her boys to her and pointed ahead of them. "I'm going to get them something to eat. Meet us at the food court."

"Good. Dessert's on me."

As his nephews cheered, Evan entered the store. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee overwhelmed him instantly, and he slowly browsed the various coffee pots, mugs, grinders, and blends of coffee. A saleswoman approached him. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Ah, yeah." He glanced around. "Do you still do that monthly subscription thing?"

"You mean the one for military personnel, shipping coffee to them no matter where in the world they are?" She nodded, snapping her bubble gum as she spoke. "Yeah, we do that."

Evan grinned again, and he picked out a nice grinder as well as signing up for the coffee subscription. He'd learned about it on his last visit to Earth, and he'd never really considered it until now. He made sure to put Jennifer's name on the recipient list, putting his name down on the gift tag. She'd know who had signed up, anyway. Together with the grinder, she should be able to have fresh coffee every morning before reporting for duty. The idea of sharing that coffee with her, seeing her as relaxed as she'd been the last time they had coffee, appealed more than he liked to admit.

After paying for the year-long subscription, Evan met his sister and enjoyed a quick meal. She dropped him at the predetermined air strip, and he flew back to Colorado for the long trip through the gate. At the Midway Station, he took the day to truly think about his arrival on Atlantis. What was he going to tell Jennifer when he gave her the first month's supply of coffee, along with the grinder?

Then, he shook his head. He sounded like a lovestruck young pup. What had happened to the self-assured major who never second-guessed his decisions? Evan couldn't be sure, but he guessed that major had been buried under this sudden worry for another human being-one named Jennifer Keller.

oOo

Jennifer sat back in her chair, stretching the muscles in her neck as she let out a deep breath. She was so tired. She just wanted to find a place to sleep, but she refused to leave the infirmary. The nightmares still haunted her quarters, and Evan wasn't there to chase them away. So, instead, she stubbornly sat at a computer in the infirmary, studying brain scans of the man Sheppard's team encountered on Vedeena.

Davos was remarkable. He smiled at her like a father, and he made her feel welcome in spite of the horrible news she'd delivered. Jennifer smiled. She'd thought about her father multiple times that day, the result of watching Davos with his daughter. She missed her father terribly, but she knew she needed to be on Atlantis. Up until the ordeal on New Athos, she'd never doubted her decision to come to Atlantis. Even after New Athos, she never truly doubted. Atlantis was home. It was her niche. Here, she could do so much to help humanity, possibly even find cures for incurable diseases on Earth.

Evan's face floated through her mind, and she let out a deep breath. She had missed him during this week. He'd taken leave to head to Earth, and the trip to Midway required two extra days. She understood why the twenty-four hour quarantine had been set up, but she wished Evan would just get back home. Maybe, with him at her side, she could handle watching a patient die.

"Dr. Keller." Davos's voice broke into her thoughts.

Jennifer stood and walked over to his side, a smile lighting her face. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I will rest. Soon." He patted her hand. "I can feel it, now."

"I'm so sorry, Davos." Jennifer's heart sank, and she again thought about Evan and his steady comfort. "I wish there was something I could do for you. Something to help."

"I was brought to Atlantis for a reason, Dr. Keller." He smiled. "I know this. But, I can tell you have questions for me."

Jennifer stepped away from the bed, her mouth falling open. "Oh-I-No-I mean. . . ."

"It's quite alright, and something I'd expect." Davos chuckled weakly. "I haven't had any more visions. Like I told your Colonel Carter, the medications dull my mind. But I can tell you one thing. The one you seek is out there, waiting for you."

She stared as he smiled again and drifted to sleep. How had he known the direction of her thoughts? She'd been very careful to avoid saying anything about the tenuous friendship she and Evan had developed. She even avoided using his name around others. _As if that helps_, she thought. _You don't think of him as Major Lorne anymore._

Jennifer walked back to her work station, her concentration shattered. She saw Evan's face in her mind and wondered how his visit to Earth had gone. He'd asked if he could get her anything while on Earth, and she'd said no. She didn't want him bringing gifts for her. If it got out that he did so, the entire base would gossip about them. After all, she'd turned down every man who asked her out. Except Evan. And he'd been surprised when she accepted.

Hours later, Jennifer forced herself to return to her quarters for a cup of coffee. She remembered that morning that she and Evan shared coffee, and she wondered if that had been such a good idea. She couldn't prepare the coffee without thinking about his laugh. As she poured the coffee into a mug to take back to the infirmary, she let out a deep breath. If the right one waited for her, shouldn't she wait for him?

"Father?" Linara, Davos's daughter, sounded panicked as Jennifer walked back into the infirmary. "Father? Doctor! Doctor, help him!"

Jennifer plunked the coffee cup down next to a computer monitor and headed to Davos's bed. She'd dreaded this moment since bringing him here. He'd suffered from some sort of cancer, and Linara seemed unprepared to let him go. "Davos?" Jennifer touched his shoulder. "Davos?"

The process happened very quickly. Davos struggled to breathe for a few more minutes, and then he let out one final breath. The heart monitor let out one long beep, and Jennifer looked at Linara. "I'm sorry."

She walked away then, leaving Linara to her grief. No doctor liked losing a patient. It hurt deeper than almost anything. Jennifer grabbed her coffee cup and sat in her chair, realizing that her long vigil had ended. Davos's life, as amazing as it had been, was beyond her ability to save. Knowing that she'd done all she could simply didn't help. Even Evan's arms around her wouldn't help. She lay her head on the desk, exhaustion finally getting the better of her, and drifted to sleep before she thought about things any further.

oOo

"You know, pretty soon, other people are gonna find out, too. You're gonna have to tell them." Jennifer's words, spoken in soft tones, made Evan smile as he entered the infirmary. She stood across from Teyla as Marines wheeled a covered body out the door. A pretty young lady followed the body, her face a picture of grief.

Teyla, standing in front of Jennifer, glanced at him. "I know." She turned to leave, nodding as she went. "Major."

Evan waited until the infirmary doors closed behind Teyla. "Ah. . . . What did I miss?"

Jennifer flushed, and she turned away from him. "Not much. Just the Wraith coming to Atlantis, a few visions of the future, and a man who died while in my infirmary." She sounded angry.

He blinked. The Wraith had come to Atlantis, and Sheppard hadn't recalled him? Then, he truly looked at Jennifer. She stood rigidly, her arms folded around herself. He walked to her side, realizing that she cared only about the man who had died. "Did you do everything you could?" When she nodded, he put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Let it go, then."

"I wish I could." She met his eyes, and he saw the grief reflected in her face. "I have advanced technology, and some things are still out of my control."

Evan glanced around, seeing that the infirmary was completely abandoned. For once. "Come here." He tugged on her arm, pulling her into a hug. As his arms settled around her, he let out a deep breath. This was where he belonged. He couldn't explain why this woman drew him like she did, but he knew he needed to be right here, helping her face the things life threw at her. Now he understood Coughlin's words the day she'd been stuck on New Athos. Jennifer wasn't just a friend. Not anymore.

That realization stayed with him as he settled back into his quarters and delivered the things his team had requested. Jennifer wasn't ready to hear this. Evan shook his head. He wasn't ready to admit it. He'd always thought the military would be enough, that he'd be happy as the single, retired general who always had enough time to adopt other kids in the neighborhood. Now, suddenly, he found himself wanting to explore this new attraction, these new feelings. Without really meaning to, he'd begun to fall in love with a woman twelve years his junior. Evan returned to his room and dropped onto his bed. Just what was he going to do now?

~TBC


	7. Coffee And Clinics

Early the next morning, Jennifer stood in her quarters and tested her ankle. Most of the pain from the sprain had faded within the first two weeks, but she still struggled to move faster than a brisk walk. Her emotional run through Atlantis had worsened the injury, making healing time even longer. She missed her early morning runs.

Irritated and not ready to face the day, she considered not reporting for duty that day. But she couldn't. After yesterday, she had a massive amount of reports to finish. Just the file on Davos alone would take some time to construct. She'd learned so much from him, some of it things she couldn't put into a medical file. _The one you seek is out there, waiting for you._ Davos's words flowed through her head again, and she let out a deep breath. Would she ever forget them?

Tired of the thoughts that interrupted her sleep, Jennifer glared at the coffee pot on her desk and shook her head. She'd considered buying more coffee while on Earth to visit her father, but she hadn't, thinking her private stash on Atlantis would get her through another few months. She'd been wrong. With all of the emotional upheaval from New Athos, plus the hours she spent with Davos, she'd used more coffee than normal.

An entry request sounded, and she stomped across the room to answer the door. She was in a bad mood, and she knew she needed to reign in her emotions before speaking to anyone. Evan's appearance-and his uncertain look-calmed her impatience as soon as the door opened. She stepped back. "Come in."

He walked into the room and looked around. Jennifer kept her quarters clean, but she lived with a certain amount of clutter. Not like the military precision she'd seen in his room the night they shared a movie.

He faced her. "Ah. . .I got you something while I was on Earth, and now I'm wondering if I made a mistake."

Jennifer blinked. "You're second-guessing yourself?" She grinned at that. She'd never known Major Lorne to second-guess anything. He always made a decision and stuck with it.

"Yeah." He held up the medium-sized box and offered it to her. "I hope you like it."

Was he The One? The question floated through her head as she accepted the box he held out. As much as she'd like to think he was, she didn't want to close herself off from other options. But what other options were on Atlantis? Rodney? He dated Katie Brown in the botany department. Ronon? The big guy still intimidated her. Colonel Sheppard? Jennifer shuddered to think what kind of trouble she'd be in if anyone found out about that. She liked Sheppard, but he was too. . .impulsive. She wanted someone stable, someone with just enough adventure to keep things interesting but not so much that she worried all the time.

Evan still stood in front of her, and Jennifer realized she'd let her thoughts wander. Her face heated, and she motioned to the couch. "Sorry. Don't know where my mind went." _Liar_, she said to herself.

Instead of dwelling on her thoughts, she settled on the other end of the couch to open the box. Inside, she found a small, quality coffee grinder and a month's supply of French Roast. She looked up quickly. "You didn't."

He shrugged, seeming more like a little boy in that minute than she'd ever seen him. "You like your coffee. Said you lived on it."

Jennifer grinned. "You don't know how much of a lifesaver you are."

"Ah, yeah, I do" He returned the grin. "I saw the scowl when you answered the door."

"I'm sorry about that." She stood and carried the box to the shelf with her coffee pot. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Care to share?"

Jennifer thought about that as she rinsed the coffee grinder and prepared to enjoy her first cup of freshly ground coffee since returning to Atlantis. She fixed enough for Evan and sat on the end of the couch as she waited for it to brew. "You know about Davos?"

"Colonel Sheppard filled me in." He chuckled, but she saw steel under his lighthearted gaze. "I missed a lot while on Earth."

"Well, Davos told me some things, and I'm just not sure how to take them." She frowned. "He shared visions with several people, and they all came true save one. Thing is, all of them were out of context, so I don't know what to make of what he told me."

"What did he tell you?"

Her face heated again, and she silently thanked the coffee pot for finishing right then. She rose and fixed two cups of coffee, happy to hid the flush while she figured out what to say. "I'd rather not talk about it," she said as she handed over a cup of coffee.

"Fair enough." He sipped the coffee, watching her reaction. "So, what's new with you?"

"Not much." Jennifer sat back into the couch, feeling like they finally found the familiar footing they'd had before he left for Earth. She enjoyed two cups of the rich brew he'd bought for her while they shared incidents from their respective weeks. She spoke honestly about the nightmares, and he made her laugh with stories about his nephews. By the time she headed to the infirmary for her duty shift, she'd relaxed and decided to enjoy her day.

oOo

Jennifer found out two days later that she needed to head off world again. This time, however, the people were much like the Athosians. Once again, they were one of Teyla's contacts, and they'd contacted her through the investigative team visiting New Athos every other week for clues. It seemed a flue-like virus had broken out among them, and they asked for a healer with better medicine to come help them out.

Jennifer packed with a bit of trepidation. Evan helped her, listening as she spoke in trembling tones about what had happened "last time." She clearly remembered preparing for that mission much like she was now, and that made her hands shake almost uncontrollably. Finally, Evan reached over and grabbed them.

"You're going to be fine," he said firmly.

"I know." She let out a deep breath. "I just wish I could get my heart to realize that."

"This time, you've got SGA-3 going with you. And Coughlin."

Jennifer vaguely wondered why one of Evan's team accompanied her, but she didn't ask. Instead, she squeezed Evan's hands and returned to packing. He helped carry her bags to the gate room, giving Coughlin the evil eye as Sheppard ordered Chuck to dial the gate. Coughlin stepped up and took one of the heavy bags from Evan, and Jennifer shook her head. If the guys insisted on acting like this, she'd shoot someone. She always over packed, and she felt like she should be the one to carry the bags.

The first step through the gate didn't bother her. The second step, after clearing the event horizon, brought the memories and nightmares to life. She froze, and Coughlin ran into her from behind. The woods, the way the DHD stood in front of the gate, the autumn chill to the air reminded her of New Athos.

Coughlin dropped the bag and touched her shoulder. "Doc?"

Jennifer suddenly realized she'd stopped breathing and gasped for air. "I'm fine." She nodded to him and took a few more steps. "I'm okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." She tried to smile, but she couldn't quite muster the strength. Coughlin continued to watch her, and she forced herself to keep walking. She refused to acknowledge the phantoms that stalked her from the gate to the village. She knew they were all in her head, and she held up her chin as children ran to meet her.

SGA-3 had developed a friendly relationship with the people of this planet over the course of the last few months. They had helped clear the area for the log homes, rebuild after a Wraith culling, and sow crops after torrential rains destroyed the previous year's harvest. Even now, the members of the team greeted individuals with waves, smiles, and, in some cases, hugs.

Coughlin stood at Jennifer's side. "Ever feel like an outsider?"

"Just a little." She waited until she'd been acknowledged.

"What's in the bags?" A little girl, not much more than five, dared to approach the newcomers.

Jennifer squatted down to look the girl in the eye. "All sorts of neat stuff to help your people get better."

The girl's father, a big man with a thick black beard, stared at her. "_You're _the healer?"

Jennifer smiled, not offended by his shock. "Yes." She glanced around. "Is there somewhere we can set up a clinic?"

"This way." He led her to a large tent the people had erected in the middle of the village. Jennifer stepped inside and nodded. It would work nicely. She pointed to a corner where Coughlin could put the bag and set to work organizing her supplies. Within the hour, she opened the tent door to her first patient.

As news of her arrival spread, the villagers flocked to the tent. All of them suffered from the flue-like virus in varying degrees. Jennifer spent hours listening to lungs, taking temperatures, talking to parents, and prescribing medicines. Her stash of lollipops dwindled as even the adults wanted to taste the candy the children found so appealing. Like with those on Earth, some liked it and some didn't. Jennifer chatted with mothers and tried to avoid the flirtations of eager young men. All in all, the day went according to plan.

Just before sunset, however, a ruckus rose outside the tent. She moved to the door and blinked as the bearded man who brought her to the tent faced off with a young man about half his size and age. She couldn't tell why the argument started or even what made it worse. The big man swung, but the younger man ducked. Then, the fight dissolved into an all-out brawl.

Coughlin pushed past Jennifer as Lieutenant Witman, SGA-3's leader, tried to break up the fight. He went flying as the big man pushed him away. Two other members of SGA-3, both highly trained Marines, also flew through the air. Jennifer stared as Coughlin, Witman, and his entire team pulled the two men apart. Members of the village surrounded them, speaking in low tones. As they did so, Coughlin turned to Jennifer. "Pack up. It's time to head home."

Jennifer sighed and set about cleaning her supplies. It had been a long day, and, with the exception of the fight, she felt she'd accomplished something. She just wished she didn't have to brave the long walk back to the gate. She didn't want to think about imaginary Bola Kai as she went to sleep.

oOo

That evening, Lorne settled back on his bed and let out a deep breath. He would have liked to be on hand when Jennifer returned just to see how she fared off world, but he knew he couldn't justify it with Sheppard. Instead, he waited for her to call, hoping he wouldn't have to resort to dropping by her room for coffee in the morning.

He grinned as he thought about her reaction to the coffee. Even he had to admit the quality matched the price, though he'd never tell her. Instead, he watched with glee as she took that first sip. Her eyes had closed in pleasure, and every bit of tension left her body.

"Major Lorne to the control room." The page startled him out of his thoughts. He let out a deep breath. Being paged to the control room so late in the evening was never a good thing. Instead of brooding, he simply grabbed his uniform jacket and headed out the door.

Colonel Sheppard and Ronon stood next to a very worried Rodney McKay. Lorne walked over to them. "Sir?"

"Major." Sheppard glared at the blank computer screen. "I've already informed Colonel Carter of the situation, but you're going to be taking my place for the next few days."

"Days?" McKay asked. "We don't even know who took her, though, if I have my timing right, she was taken because of that email I sent her. You know the one where I . . . .Never mind. It's not important. What's important is that she could be anywhere. With anyone."

Lorne blinked at McKay and turned to Sheppard. "What's going on, Sir?"

"Jeannie Miller went missing last night." Sheppard's announcement sobered everyone around him.

Lorne nodded. "I see. I'll hold down the fort. Go bring her home."

Five minutes later, Sheppard, Ronon, and McKay walked through the gate, headed to Earth. Lorne stood in the control room, watching them depart and wishing them luck in their hunt. He stayed in that spot, thinking about McKay's dilemma. He wasn't sure what he would do if Ellen went missing.

The gate activated, and Jennifer's team returned from their clinic. He watched as Coughlin led an exhausted and slightly frightened doctor through the gate. After it shut down, he walked down the stairs to Jennifer's side. "Doc."

She glanced at him, her eyes still wide. "Major."

He took the heavy bag she carried from her hand without asking. "How did it go out there?"

"Long. Good." She finally let a ghost of a smile escape. "The kids were wonderful."

"And the adults?"

"Not so much." Her eyes shadowed again.

He delivered her bag to the infirmary and met her eyes. "Coffee tomorrow morning?"

Jennifer smiled, relieved. "I'd like that."

Evan nodded and left her to the expertise of the infirmary staff. Jennifer was tired, but she'd recover. He just wished he knew what put those shadows back in her eyes. He hadn't seen those since before she lost Davos to that cancer. As he walked back to his quarters for the night, he thought about events on Atlantis. Even with the drama on Earth, it had been another normal day. He drifted to sleep still fully clothed, thinking about coffee the next morning. He planned to ask Jennifer to dinner again and knew she'd sleep well that night.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

~TBC


	8. Keller's Crossing

"Colonel Carter, Major Lorne, please report to the infirmary." The page pulled Evan from a comfortable sleep. He blinked and reached for his radio. Just as he began to groggily reply that he was on his way, another announcement came over the loudspeakers. "Security teams to the infirmary immediately!"

Lorne jumped out of bed and ran for the door. He hooked his radio over his ear with one hand while smoothing his hair with the other. The dark spikes didn't want to lay down, and he decided he could deal with it. Most everyone had either seen or heard of his sleepwalking incident a couple months ago, so his sleep-tousled hair couldn't really make that much of a difference.

He arrived at the infirmary at the same time the security teams appeared. He heard Carter comment that she'd be there as soon as possible and knew she'd retired long before he had. Inside the infirmary, Lorne blinked.

Jennifer stood nose-to-chest with Witman, the leader of the team that escorted her to the clinic. She glared at him. "You may not agree, but you do _not_ act like that toward me! I'm the CMO, not some woman on the street. You don't make a pass at me!"

Lorne stared. When had Jennifer decided to face off with a Marine easily twice her size?

Witman snorted. "Oh, trust me, _Jennifer_," he said, emphasizing his use of her first name, "I wasn't making a pass at you. Though, if that's what you want. . . ." He reached out and tried to touch her.

Before Lorne could react, Jennifer stepped back and balled up her fist. She telegraphed her intent so clearly that even Lorne cringed. Witman easily sidestepped her punch, responding with a swift upper cut to her solar plexus. Jennifer flew back into the wall, clearly struggling to breathe. After a few seconds, she straightened, her face reddening as she let out a feral yell and charged Witman.

Across the infirmary, another man roared. Lorne turned and saw Coughlin, face distorted much like Jennifer's, throw himself between Witman and Jennifer. The Marines traded punches as Jennifer joined the fight. She looked something like a buzzing bee, looking for an opening in the fight to get her shots in.

Carter finally arrived. "Hey!" she yelled. "Break it up!"

Lorne moved before she could put herself in harm's way, trying to stop Jennifer from pushing Coughlin and Witman apart. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "Jenny, stop this. Now." He lowered his voice, speaking softly into her ear.

She elbowed him in the ribs and whirled, shoving him away with surprising strength. "Don't call me that!" she yelled.

Lorne stumbled back and grabbed the nearest bed to keep his balance. He turned in time to see Carter get treated similarly by Keller. When Carter tried to defend herself, Keller wound up for another punch.

It had become an all-out brawl. Lorne never hesitated, though the security teams did. He turned to them. "Get me a Wraith stunner."

Within seconds, a stunner materialized in his hand. The other two security team members had drawn their stunners, but they still hesitated.

Carter grabbed Jennifer, placing her in a choke hold designed to subdue her. Lorne caught Carter's eye, knowing he'd have no choice but to stun her when he shot Jennifer. He saw Carter's nod and squeezed the trigger. Jennifer continued struggling in spite of the blast that hit her square in the chest. Carter, however, suffered from the stunner's effects immediately, loosening her hold and releasing Jennifer. Keller charged Lorne, and he fired another blast at her. This one dropped her in her tracks.

The security team also fired when Lorne did, and the brawl ended with four bodies sprawled on the infirmary floor.

Lorne rushed to Keller's side, feeling her neck for a pulse. Her temperature seemed high, but he'd leave that to the doctors. Knowing Jennifer's backup plan, he tapped his radio. "Dr. Cole to the infirmary. Stat."

Lorne stepped back as the infirmary staff rushed to help the individuals on the floor. Something was wrong. Very wrong. And he intended to find some answers.

oOo

Early the next morning, Lorne stood in the observation deck and watched Jennifer. She slept, seeming rather peaceful except for the restraints on her wrists and ankles. Sometime during the night, she'd shaken off the effects of the Wraith stunner and awakened swinging. Dr. Cole sported a nice black eye thanks to a lucky punch. At that point, Cole ordered her sedated and restrained.

Through the night, two other reports of uncontrollable rage reached Lorne's ears. He sent security teams to the locations, finding the other two members of Witman's team equally unreasonable. He stared at Jennifer's face as he wondered exactly what to do now. He wasn't a doctor. He was a soldier. And, as such, he'd reacted accordingly. So why did it feel like he'd made a mistake?

"Major." Carter's voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he straightened. He'd been leaning on the railing, shoulders slumped as he thought about what he'd done. He should be sharing coffee with Jennifer right now, not watching her sleep.

Lorne lifted his chin, assuming the rigid stance the Air Force drilled into him. "Colonel." He glanced over. "How are you?"

"Bit of a headache, but I'll be fine." She stepped to his side. "I'm a little more worried about you."

"Ma'am?"

"You haven't had any sleep, and you've been brooding for the better part of thirty minutes." She glanced at the door. "I've been watching you."

"With all due respect, I just shot our CMO. Again." Lorne shrugged. "She's got big needles, Ma'am."

Carter studied him closely. "It's more than that." When he whirled to face her, she held up a hand. "Look, I know this is hard. We don't know what happened to them while back on that planet. But we're going to find out."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Lorne, don't try to act tough on this one." Carter grinned. "Something has to get through that thick skin, and I think Dr. Keller finally did that."

Lorne nodded. "She's a friend. A good one." _Liar_, he thought. _She's more than a friend, and you know it._

Carter touched his shoulder. "I understand."

Lorne accepted her assurances with a nod and went back to staring at Jennifer's face. What had caused the uncontrollable rage? For once in his life, he wanted to truly understand why a woman reacted the way she did. He wanted to know everything about Jennifer Keller, but her rage was a sight to behold. He needed to know what triggered it so that he could help her now and avoid those triggers in the future.

Dr. Cole cleared her throat from behind them. She waited until they faced her. "I got their tests back, and I can say this isn't a natural reaction. From what I can tell, they were exposed to something that caused spikes in oxytocin, vasopressin, and cotricotropin-releasing hormones. That started a chain reaction in the pituitary gland and adrenal cortex."

Lorne stared. "What?"

"It's pure, unadulterated rage-the kind you'd expect from Ronon when he's facing the Wraith," Cole clarified. "I don't know if it's something they encountered on the planet or some sort of attack. Something set this chain reaction off, and it's manifested in berserker-like behavior. The reaction is natural when faced with a life-threatening situation, but they were in the infirmary at the time, having routine exams done. It was like they suddenly got angry and couldn't control themselves."

"Nothing about what happened back at the infirmary was natural, Doc," Lorne said. "I had to shoot Dr. Keller _twice_."

"That's actually normal when someone or something is raging." Cole handed the tablet with her test results to Carter. "Dr. Keller likely shook off the effects of the stunner due to abnormally high levels of adrenaline in her system. The same goes for Lieutenant Witman and his team. Unfortunately, there's side effects that we're just now seeing. A high temperature is one of them. So is hypertension. High blood pressure," she clarified for Lorne's benefit, though he knew what hypertension was. "I've got them on medication to counteract it, but their systems are on overload."

Lorne nodded, but he couldn't speak. He wanted to go down there, to hold Jennifer and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But he couldn't. She faced something beyond his ability to handle. Right now, he was just as helpless as the people on those beds.

Finally, he nodded. "Thanks, Doc."

Cole gave him an encouraging nod and left the observation deck. Carter turned to him. "Get some sleep, Major. I'll call you if there's any change."

"Yes, Ma'am." Lorne left the observation deck after one last, long look at Jennifer's face. He walked past her quarters and resisted stopping. He wanted to slip inside, brew a pot of coffee, and figure out how to help her. Instead, he forced himself to keep walking toward his quarters. He lay down and stared at the ceiling, allowing his exhaustion to finally put him to sleep.

oOo

"Major Lorne, please report to the control room." The page broke the relatively calm afternoon.

Evan turned from the peaceful vista of the ocean and headed to the control room. He'd slept for three hours, waking somewhat refreshed and hungry. Now, he emptied his tray and left the mess hall's balcony. What had happened now?

In the control room, Carter stood with her arms folded. She glared at the view screen. "Major, prepare the Wraith for transport to Earth."

Lorne blinked. "Ma'am?" He wanted to obey the order, but he also knew he'd heard wrong.

Carter let out a frustrated sigh. "I just heard from Colonel Sheppard. They found the man who kidnapped Jeannie Mille-after he kidnapped McKay and injected Jeannie with nanites. Thing is, those nanites aren't functioning properly. The Wraith is the only one who knows Replicator code better than McKay."

Lorne nodded and tapped his headset. Minutes later, he and two Marines accompanied the Wraith through Atlantis's corridors and to the gate room. As the Wraith walked through the gate, Lorne shook his head. Only Sheppard would think it a good idea to ask a Wraith for help. It didn't matter that he'd helped in the past. In Lorne's book, only Ronon was scarier than Sheppard when Sheppard wanted something. And maybe Jennifer.

Thinking about Jennifer put McKay's situation into perspective. If a Wraith knew how to help Jennifer, Coughlin, and Witman's team, he'd gladly send for the creature. Maybe he'd been too judgmental.

"Major Lorne, Colonel Carter?" Dr. Cole caught him just as he entered Carter's office for a full report on what had happened on Earth. He stood back, letting her enter in front of him.

"What have you got, Doc?" he asked.

"It's not good." Cole handed a tablet to Carter as she spoke. "I found a foreign substance in Dr. Keller's bloodstream. It's also in Lieutenant Witman's. I'm still waiting for the results on the others, but I'd hazard a guess and say that's what's causing the problem. I can tell you it's alien, and it's derived from some sort of plant. But, beyond that, I just don't know."

Carter looked over the information on the tablet. "What do you need, Doctor?"

Cole shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know. I mean, I could use some samples of soil, water, and vegetation from the planet where the clinic was held. But, beyond that, I'm still not sure how to help them.

"And I need to get back to the infirmary." She met Lorne's eyes, having seen him with Keller in the past. "Lieutenant Witman went into convulsions ten minutes ago. His temperature is very high, and it's not coming down. Dr. Keller's not far behind him. I'm afraid that, if we don't find the antidote, we could lose one or more of them."

Lorne schooled his features even as he struggled to breathe. "Wait. You're telling me that Dr. Keller's life is in danger?"

"I'm sorry, Major." Cole met his eyes. "Unless you can provide me with some hard evidence from that planet, I'm at a loss. I'm doing what I can to keep their temperatures down, but it's not regulating their brain chemistry. There _has_ to be an antidote somewhere."

Carter nodded. "Major, gather your men, along with Dr. Parrish and a medical team. I want you heading to that planet as soon as possible. Find out what happened. If necessary, talk to the villagers."

"Yes, Ma'am." Lorne left the office, already calling for Reed and Parrish, plus a group of medical personnel. After suiting up in full hazmat gear, he walked back to the control room. He gave Chuck the thumbs-up sign, and the gate came alive. He looked around as the wormhole established. "Okay, guys, let's see if we can find out what's making our people sick."

On the other side of the gate, he followed the path to the village. At the edge, he stopped and stared. Men, women, and children had been slaughtered. No one moved. Parrish shuddered and actually opened his hazmat gear to vomit. Lorne wanted to join him. It appeared that these people had actually killed each other. He stood at the edge of the village, realizing that this substance, if not stopped, could do the same to Jennifer.

~TBC


	9. This Mortal Coil

Sheppard stepped back onto Atlantis with a brief sigh of relief. He liked visiting Earth as well as anyone else, but he always relaxed when back on base. Which was ironic considering the number of bad guys in the Pegasus galaxy. Beside him, Ronon turned and immediately headed for the infirmary. Sheppard would have followed, but Carter approached with dark circles under her eyes.

"Colonel Sheppard, it's good to have you back." Her voice stopped Ronon's exit.

"It's good to be back." Sheppard frowned. "What happened?"

Carter let out a tired chuckle. "Too much. Shortly after you left for Earth, Dr. Keller returned from her clinic."

"I remember." Sheppard thought for a minute. "Lieutenant Witman went with her, right?"

"Yeah." Carter sighed. "When they came home, the had all been infected with some sort of toxin that causes uncontrollable rage. Right now, they're sedated and isolated."

"_All_ of them?" Sheppard asked. "Even Keller?"

"Yeah. Major Lorne's off world right now, trying to find out what caused this."

Sheppard glared at no one in particular. While he wanted to say that he should have been called, he knew better. He'd been dealing with his own crisis on Earth, helping McKay cure his sister from deadly nanites. Besides, his experiences with Devlin put him in a bad mood. He wasn't fit to make any sort of judgment call right then. Not until he had a chance to pound out some frustrations during a sparring session.

Instead, he headed for the infirmary. Dr. Cole stood next to a computer, looking as tired as Carter did. He hopped up on a bed without a word, anxious to get to the isolation room. Throughout the exam, he and Ronon glared at each other. Both men took Keller's safety personally.

Teyla stood in the observation deck, her face serene in spite of the circumstances. Sheppard walked to her side, enjoying the feel of her next to him. He'd have to do something about these feelings for her. And soon. His eyes went to Keller's sleeping face, and he decided he'd do something about what he felt for Teyla when Lorne did something about what he felt for Keller. Decision made, he simply stood.

Teyla sighed. "Dr. Cole has them on anti-seizure medication. Right now, Coughlin is in an ice bath. They'll switch him out with whomever is worse."

Sheppard watched medical personnel in hazmat suits bathe the faces of the sick with dripping cloths. "Why Coughlin? He's on Lorne's team."

"Major Lorne asked him to go to the planet with Dr. Keller." Teyla allowed a tiny smile to escape. "I think Major Lorne was concerned for her safety but refused to crowd her. I do know they're close friends."

Sheppard nodded once. "I've noticed that, too." He glanced at her. "How are you?"

She thought about that for a moment. "Concerned. Dr. Keller is also my friend."

He reached over and covered her hand with his own. "She's going to pull through this."

Teyla accepted his assurances with a nod, and he patted her hand awkwardly. Withdrawing, Sheppard turned from the scene below him, intending to take a shower and get some sleep. Alarms blared from below, and he whirled as Witman began convulsing.

oOo

Lorne returned to Atlantis with grim determination. Every person on that planet had died. Most died from injuries sustained during the fight. A few, however, appeared to have died from some sort of medical complication. The medical personnel he'd taken with him had secured the bodies in isolation chambers and brought them for Dr. Biro to autopsy. He hoped they would give Dr. Cole some way to fight this thing.

Carter met him as the gate shut down. "Major?" Behind her, Sheppard rushed into the control room.

Lorne pulled off the hood of the hazmat suit and took a few seconds to enjoy the cool air that rushed over his face. He nodded to his CO, thankful that Sheppard had returned and could take over command of the base, before answering Carter. "They're all dead, Ma'am."

Sheppard approached. "Who's all dead?"

"The village, Sir." Lorne shook his head. "I don't think I've seen anything like it. Men, women, and children just cut each other down."

Carter blinked. "Children?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Lorne squelched the urge to gag as he thought about the scene on the planet. "Whatever happened likely took place about the same time Dr. Keller and Lieutenant Witman's team were there. Dr. Parrish has plant, soil, and water samples, but there's no real indication as to what this thing is."

Carter rubbed her forehead. "I was hoping you'd find something."

"Me, too." Lorne let some of his exhaustion show as he turned to Sheppard. "Good to have you back, Sir."

Sheppard nodded. "Thanks." He glanced between them. "Witman went into convulsions a few minutes ago."

Lorne didn't wait to be dismissed. He turned and headed for the observation deck above the isolation room. Carter and Sheppard followed him. If Witman had gone into convulsions, then Jennifer would likely follow. _And Coughlin_, he reminded himself. _I sent Coughlin with her._ He rushed to the rail and looked down. Coughlin and Jennifer still rested below in spite of Witman's empty bed.

Dr. Cole joined them in the observation deck. "Colonels, Major." She let out a deep breath, and Lorne saw the strain on her face. "We just lost Lieutenant Witman."

Sheppard whirled. "What?"

Cole met his eyes. "I can't be certain, but it seems his temperature climbed too high. He went into seizures, and the end came quickly after that. I'll have to do an autopsy to find actual cause of death."

Lorne turned back to the window. "How are Coughlin and Dr. Keller?"

"Not good." Cole shrugged. "Their temperatures are hovering around 105 degrees, and they're fighting this thing. But, if their temperature climbs any higher, they'll be in even more danger."

Lorne nodded, unable to hid his concern any longer. He stared at Jennifer's face, thinking as he did so. "Have your tests revealed anything at all?"

"Yeah." She actually smiled, though it wasn't a happy smile. "This toxin seems to be organic, and it seems to be breaking down in their systems. I think that's what's causing the high temperatures. Unfortunately, the hormone overload is driving their blood pressure through the roof as well. I do know that this isn't contagious. I've ordered my people out of hazmat, and I suspect this may not be anything that can be fought medically. It may be up to the people down there to fight this off."

Lorne listened as Carter gave Cole orders to get a couple hours of sleep. He wanted to go down there immediately, to beg Jennifer to fight this thing, to hold her hand and help her in any way he could. Instead, he straightened and met Sheppard's eyes, seeing the same concern reflected there. Rather than denying it, he let out a deep breath and excused himself. He'd just spent the last few hours sweating inside a rubber hazmat suit. If he was allowed next to Jennifer, he wanted to smell like something other than rubber and sweat.

oOo

An hour later, Cole allowed Lorne to sit with Jennifer. He stood beside her bed, staring at her face and willing her to fight this thing. He couldn't handle it if she lost this battle.

"Major." Sheppard's voice brought his head around. "Major Jordan just contacted us. I've got to head off world."

"Anything I can do, Sir?"

"Stay with her," Sheppard replied, pointing at Jennifer. "I've got my team. We should be good to go."

"What's going on?"

Sheppard let out a chuckle, but he wasn't amused. "It seems we've been contacted by Elizabeth's Replicator double."

Lorne blinked. For a moment, he struggled to breathe. Elizabeth was alive? He'd hoped so, but they hadn't been able to find her in all this time. "Sir, are you sure you won't need backup?"

"She claims to have valuable intel for us." Sheppard shrugged. "You'll be the first person I call if I need backup. If all goes well, we might bring the real Elizabeth home."

Lorne nodded at that one. "I'll be here, Sir."

Sheppard clapped him on the shoulder and left. Evan sat down in the chair Dr. Cole had provided, tired beyond words. He'd not truly slept since this whole thing started. The few naps he'd been able to take had been broken by his worries for Jennifer. He couldn't lose her. Glancing around, he realized he was alone. No one watched him. He took her hand in his, wrapping her fingers around his thumb. "Fight this, Jenn," he whispered, aware of her violent reaction the last time he called her "Jenny." "You're needed here."

Hours later, he thought he'd fall over if someone touched him. Shortly after Sheppard left the base, Jennifer started convulsing. Cole had appeared, pushing him out of the way as she barked orders to her staff. Lorne watched as they wheeled Jennifer out of his sight, toward an ice bath. When she returned, her hair was soaked, and she trembled violently. The restraints kept her extremities from shaking uncontrollably. Evan blinked as Cole informed him that she'd dialed back Jennifer's sedative. It seemed the sedative slowed the body's ability to break down the toxin. Jennifer hovered somewhere between awake and asleep for the better part of three hours.

Finally, the worst of it passed. Evan's team had appeared, sitting with Coughlin as the toxin left his body. Evan couldn't leave Jennifer's side. He nodded to Reed and knew his team understood. They all had people they cared about, some more than others. Now, Evan leaned his head against the wall behind him, allowing himself to drift while Jennifer settled into a restful sleep.

"Major." Sheppard's voice woke him, reminding him of the conversation hours ago.

He shook the cobwebs from his head. "Sir?" His eyes narrowed. Sheppard looked. . .haunted. "What happened out there?"

"McKay got the core drive to a Replicator ship. We met ourselves." Sheppard shrugged. "Nothing else."

Evan frowned. "And Dr. Weir?"

Sheppard shook his head, the grief evident on his face.

Lorne looked down. He'd hoped Weir still lived but suspected she was dead. Still, confirmation stung. Badly. "I'm sorry, Sir. I know you were close friends."

Sheppard nodded. "I'll approve removal of her things tomorrow." He let out a deep breath. "Teyla's taking it hard."

"She was close to Dr. Weir." Evan wished he could say that he was handling the hit better. He wasn't. He just kept up appearances for Sheppard's sake.

Sheppard nodded toward the bed. "How's she doing?"

Evan turned back to Jennifer. "Better. Still not quite right. Her hormones are out of balance, as are Coughlin's. But they'll pull through. As will the rest of Witman's team."

"We're lucky we didn't lose more of them."

"Yes, Sir, we are." Evan frowned. "Dr. Cole and I talked about this when she came in for Dr. Keller's last check. She said that one of the only things that separates us from animals is our ability to control our instincts. And that this toxin basically broke down those inhibitions. It allowed them to express the anger that most of us hide." He shook his head, thinking about Jennifer's outburst again. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Carter told me about the planet."

"There were children, Sir." Evan blinked away the memories of the carnage back on the planet. "You don't forget that."

"No." Sheppard watched Jennifer sleep. " 'For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil. . . .' "

"Sir?" Evan frowned, this time in confusion.

"Hamlet." Sheppard shrugged. "Seemed appropriate."

Evan nodded. _When we have shuffled off this mortal coil_. The phrase played through his head, and he sighed. Too many people had shuffled off their mortal coil recently. Weir. Heightmeyer. Davos. Witman. Even Jennifer came close to losing her life. Atlantis reeled from too many deaths and not enough time to grieve for them. When would life stop enough to allow it all?

The sheets on the bed rustled, and a soft voice broke into his thoughts. "Evan?"

~TBC


	10. Reacting

Jennifer blinked as Evan and Sheppard turned to face her. She needed a drink, and her hands wouldn't move more than a few inches from her sides.

Evan gave her a relieved smile and stepped to her side. "Hey, Doc." He reached out to touch her arm and stopped himself, putting his hands on his hips instead. "How are you?"

"Water." Jennifer licked her lips as Sheppard slipped out of the cubicle. She heard others moving around, and she hoped she and Evan wouldn't be interrupted just yet. As he lifted her head to help her sip from a cup of water, she frowned. "Oh!"

"What?" He suddenly looked panicked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She smiled at him. "Just a headache." After a few sips, she lay back on the bed, surveying her position. She'd been placed in a curtained-off cubicle, but she clearly saw movement in the observation deck above. She looked down at the restraints around her wrists and legs. "I hit someone."

"Yeah." Evan sounded a little unsure. "What do you remember?"

"Red." She frowned. "I remember seeing red-literally. And hearing you call me 'Jenny.'"

He rubbed his face. "Yeah. You didn't take too kindly to that."

"I'm sorry." She wished she could explain everything, but the memories were a jumbled mess right then. She wanted to drift back to sleep, but Evan's worry kept her from doing so. "It's complicated, I guess. Just bad memories related to that nickname."

"I get it." This time, he did touch her arm. His hand sent warmth shooting up her arm, and he squeezed gently. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay."

"So, _Jenn_," he began, emphasizing the new nickname, "do you remember what happened out there?"

Jennifer closed her eyes, trying to put the memories in order. She remembered trying to hit Witman, shoving Evan, attacking Carter, and getting stunned. Her eyes flew open. "Oh, God."

"What?" He jumped to his feet.

"I attacked almost every command officer on this base!"

"Yeah." He hesitated again. "Before that, Jenn, what do you remember?"

"Uh. . . .The clinic. I was at the clinic." She scowled, forcing the memories into order. "There was a fight. Two men duking it out in a full-blown rage."

"Anything else?" He actually looked a little pale at the mention of the clinic.

"No." She shrugged as Dr. Cole came into the cubicle. "It was a normal clinic."

"Okay." Evan squeezed her hand one more time. "I'm going to step out for a few minutes."

Jennifer nodded and waited while Cole checked her vitals. Finally, Cole turned to her. "You'll be under observation for a little while longer, but I think we can remove these restraints."

Jennifer grinned. "I'm glad." Her eyes followed Cole, noticing the black eye. "I'm so sorry!"

Cole faced her, a reassuring smile in place. "Don't worry about me, Dr. Keller. I'm fine. Just a black eye. And, before you worry about whether I'm afraid of you, I'm not." She paused. "Not unless you intend to get exposed to that compound again."

"What compound?"

"It's some sort of plant-based compound that triggered an overload of your hormones. It sent you into an uncontrollable rage." Cole shook her head. "I've never seen anything like it. We almost lost you."

Jennifer blinked, this time at how fragile life had become. When had she almost died? "How long have I been here?"

"A couple days." Cole began loosening the restraints. "Your hormone levels are still off-kilter, but you'll be fine. Your body actually treated the substance like a drug, and you went through one heck of a detox."

Jennifer wanted to ask how she'd almost died, if anyone else had died, who else had been hurt. But she couldn't. Only one person came to mind right then. "Evan?"

"He hasn't left your side since we allowed him down here." Cole grinned. "My advice? Snap him up." She left the cubicle and nodded to someone behind the curtain.

Evan appeared a minute later. "How are you?"

"According to Dr. Cole, fine." Jennifer shrugged. "Well, I will be fine, once my hormones regulate themselves." She frowned. "Never expected to have a conversation about hormones with you, of all people!"

"Yeah, well, hormone levels sent you into such a rage that you were almost unstoppable." He perched on the edge of her bed, taking her hand in his. "Forgive me for being concerned."

She took a moment to truly study him. His hair stood on end, looking more like Sheppard's at the moment. And he had shadows in his eyes, as well as shadows under his eyes. His face was lined, and his shoulders slumped. "Go get some sleep."

His head came up quickly. "What?"

"I'm fine." She smiled. "I'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere. Go get some sleep and something to eat." She lowered her chin and looked at him with as stern an expression as she could muster. "I'll make it an order if I have to. And I _can_ do that."

Evan stood. "Yes, Ma'am." He grinned suddenly. "For the record, when you punched Witman, that was kinda hot."

Jennifer felt her face heat, and she shoved his hand away. "Go, Evan. Get some sleep."

He grinned one more time and left her alone after that. She settled back on the bed, drifting to sleep with his grin in mind. She could do far worse than Evan Lorne.

oOo

After leaving Lorne with Keller, Sheppard went in search of his team. Ronon had already taken up residence in the gym, sparring with any Marine stupid enough to take his challenge. The Satedan stung from meeting his double as much as he reeled from Elizabeth's death. Sheppard admitted that it had been a little strange. Coming face to face with yourself isn't all its cracked up to be.

Teyla, however, wasn't so easy to find. Sheppard checked her quarters, the meditation rooms, the mess hall, and the observation deck of the infirmary before he finally found her on the balcony outside the control room. She and Elizabeth had often stood here, talking about the day. Out of all the people on Atlantis, Teyla understood Elizabeth better than most. She bore the responsibility of her people.

"Hey." Sheppard waited while she surreptitiously swiped away a few tears. "How are you?"

"I feel. . . ." She shook her head. "I feel. . .a great. . ."

"Yeah." He understood. She'd said the same thing when Carson had died. This time, however, it was worse. This time, she dealt with the disappearance of her people. And something else. Sheppard eyed her, hoping she'd open up about her struggles. She'd lost so many close friends in recent months.

Much like she had right after Kate Heightmeyer's death, Teyla turned and suddenly wrapped her arms around him. John hesitated for only a second and settled his arms around her. She buried her face in his shirt, and he expected her to merely stand there. He wasn't anticipating the tiny shakes that swelled into deep sobs. It seemed that Teyla had finally lowered the mask and allowed him see the hurting woman beneath it.

As he held her, Sheppard looked out over Atlantis. Devlin's face flashed through his head, and he tried to shake the image. The man had frozen at first, terrified of the Wraith staring hungrily at him. Then, a look of determination covered Devlin's face. He'd kidnapped Jeannie Miller and McKay, killed his own daughter, and put Jeannie's life in danger by injecting her with nanites. As the Wraith's hand slammed into his chest, his eyes widened and his mouth opened. Sheppard had stared in morbid fascination as Devlin sacrificed himself to save Jeannie.

Now, the self-loathing tried to take hold. He'd convinced a man to let a Wraith kill him. Sheppard vacillated between disgust, nausea, and rage. When had he turned into that sort of monster? He clenched his teeth. He'd react in private, after Atlantis slept for the night. Right now, Teyla needed him. Later, after signing the paperwork that officially declared Elizabeth Weir killed in action, he closed himself inside his quarters and allowed himself to grieve.

oOo

Evan shed his major's persona as soon as his door closed behind him. Jennifer had ordered him to get some sleep. He'd tried, but the images that invaded his sleep pushed him to explore the city. He had run the same track he ran every morning, not finding release in the physical exercise. After a shower and a snack, he decided to try to capture the moonlight on the water.

This new planet continually amazed him. He'd discovered colors to the ocean that he still couldn't mix. Right now, however, he wanted to show the sadness of the ocean. It seemed to him that the ocean cried. Or maybe he cried. He couldn't be sure.

The colors taunted him. He needed blue, but he reached for red. In his mind, he saw the images from his last mission. He heard Parrish retching behind him as he swallowed his own nausea. He knelt beside children, seeing the carnage of the village as he searched for a cure for Jennifer.

Someone should have been there. Someone should have saved those children. It angered him. He added a touch of red to the white, considering the colors as he painted. He could turn the moonlight into a haunting shade, one that cast an angry light on the water. Instead, he rinsed the brush and began again. This time, he skipped the white, going directly for red.

Evan again dropped the brush in the water. Why couldn't he just paint the moonlight? It was supposed to be calming, not enraging. But he couldn't swallow the anger. Finally surrendering to impulse, he loaded his brush with deep, blood red. Brushing it onto the canvas where the spires of the city should have been felt good. He worked furiously, turning what should have been an ethereal scene into something fit for Halloween. Orange, red, black, and gray layered onto the canvas. Smoke rose from rubble. The moonlight mocked the angry scene below it. The dark of night cloaked the death and destruction wrought by an unknown enemy.

The fury that poured onto the canvas finally exploded. Evan stared at his newly-cleaned paintbrush. Why couldn't it paint what he wanted it to paint? Why did it gravitate toward red and black instead of the calm blue of the ocean? He threw the paintbrush across the room. Breathing carefully through his nose, he reached for another paintbrush. A few strokes proved it equally as useless. And another. And another. The physical release of his anger, combined with the painting, overwhelmed him, and he lashed out.

His bedside table was the first to go. The pillows on his bed followed. If he could have pulled up the mattress, he would have. After that, he moved to his chair. And then his desk. Anger, pure and hot, raged inside as he knocked over his easel. The painting landed face down on the tile floor. _Good_, he thought. _It wasn't that great, anyway._

Evan clenched his teeth against the rage, but a growl escaped anyway. He glared at the painting, at the mess in his quarters. Was there nothing else to throw or destroy? With a roar, he whirled and planted his fist against the wall.

~TBC

**Author's Note: **A BIG thanks to TychoV for helping me with this scene. Sometimes, the intensity overwhelms me, and I need a little help to fine-tune things. As always, let me know what you think. ~lg


	11. Roles Reversed

**Author's Note:** Wow! Thanks for making this my most successful story to date! ~lg

oOo

By the next morning, Jennifer had been relocated to the infirmary proper. She'd asked to walk for part of the way and had been granted permission so long as she stayed close to a nurse. Marie brought a pair of slippers, and Jennifer gratefully padded to one of the beds. She still had that drugged feeling and knew the sedatives would take a few more days to leave her system. She could handle a few days of rest.

The infirmary door opened, waking her out of a light doze. Jennifer blinked and pushed up in the bed as Evan came in cradling his right hand. She frowned. He looked awful. His face was pale, his hair stood on end, and he had red splatters on his long-sleeved jersey. Was that paint? Why would Evan have paint on his clothes? It wasn't not like the city needed a fresh coat.

Marie rushed over, and Jennifer watched, grateful to be the observer right then. Even with his pale skin and tired expression, he looked great. Her heart pounded when his blue eyes turned her way, and the ghost of a smile he offered made up her mind. After Marie examined his hand, she'd join him on his side of the infirmary. She waited as Marie led him off to the scanner.

Jennifer lay back and considered her next move. She really should apologize to Evan. Explain. Tell him why she hated the nickname "Jenny." But she couldn't. She'd chickened out when he first called her that name, and she didn't have the heart to stop him. He always looked so different when he called her that. And she liked the younger, almost boyish, expression that came into his eyes.

That expression had faded, she realized as she watched Marie lead him back to his original spot. Instead of boyish sparkles, his eyes held angry shadows. _Wow, that's poetic_, she thought. Instead of thinking about it, she pushed herself up on her bed and prepared to move as soon as Marie finished wrapping Evan's hand. Her hair had to be a mess, and she knew any makeup she'd worn on the day of the clinic had long-since been washed away. But she didn't care. She got to see the happenings in her infirmary, and she intended to speak to Evan.

Marie obviously knew her intentions and gave her a sideways glance as she walked past. Jennifer leaned forward as the nurse disappeared and pushed back the covers. Her toes curled when her bare feet hit the tile floor, but she ignored it. Evan watched as she approached and shook his head as she hopped up onto the bed beside him. She let out a deep breath and nodded toward his wrapped hand. "What happened?"

"Ah. . . ." He narrowed his eyes, apparently searching for an appropriate answer. "I, ah. . . ."

"Hit the wall?" Jennifer watched the truth cover his face. "How many times?"

"Twice."

"Once wasn't enough?"

He looked across the room, the shadows covering his entire face. "It didn't hurt the first time."

"So you went for a second try?"

"Yeah." He finally glanced at her. "Sorry, Doc."

Jennifer smiled, seeing the emotions flowing through him. She reached out, slipping her fingers into his wrapped, injured hand. "Hey, I'm here. No matter what."

He grinned. "That's my line." He chuckled, though without humor. "You can't have it."

"Well, I'm stealing it for now." Jennifer smiled, nudging him with her shoulder. "I mean it."

Evan nodded. "Yeah." He opened his mouth to speak, but something stopped him. Instead, he stared at her as if assessing her. His gaze moved quickly, though, going from her face to the far wall to the empty beds on the other side of the infirmary. Jennifer waited, knowing he'd speak when he was ready. She was unprepared for his reaction.

A single tear slipped down his cheek. "Back at the planet. . . ." He shook his head. "It was awful. I mean, I've seen a lot, but it was hard for me to even handle it. I still can't. I'm just. . . ." As he spoke, it seemed that the anger and emotion finally escaped. He tightened his grip on her hand and ducked his head. Soon, he cried.

Jennifer covered his hand with her other one, knowing that he'd accept nothing more than a hand to hold. He never sobbed, like she did. He just stared at the floor while the tears flow. She'd never seen this side of Evan. He was always self-assured, unflappable, willing to act. Now, he became an awkward man, unable to hold in the emotions but unwilling to let others see them. Jennifer actually took it as a compliment that he cried in front of her.

She smiled when he finally pulled his hand from hers. She wanted to hug him, to tell him that everything would be okay. But this was Atlantis. She knew better than to promise that life would be good. It wasn't. But it was the life they'd chosen to live, and Jennifer honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Evan pushed himself to his feet. "Thanks, Doc."

She stood with him, her toes once again curling on the cold tile. "It's no problem, Evan. Really."

He nodded and looked up at her. "Jenn, I. . . ." In that moment, so many things flowed through his eyes. Desire. Shame. And something more precious than she had ever hoped to see. However, it lasted only a moment before he blinked it away. He'd returned to the unflappable major everyone expected. "I appreciate it."

Jennifer watched as he left the infirmary, wondering what had just happened. What had he meant to say? That question echoed in her mind as she walked across the floor and climbed back into her bed. Seeing Evan cry hadn't shaken her. Knowing that he kept something from her had. She thought they were close. Was she reading the situation wrong? Was he not The One?

oOo

Evan dropped into the chair at his computer, hands shaking in anger at himself. He should have told her. He should have been honest. The source of his anger wasn't the children he'd seen back on that planet. _She_ was. He cared more than he should have, and he wanted to let her know. But, somehow, their relationship had become this complicated mess that kept him silent. Plus, with the Replicator and Wraith threat out there, he really didn't need to be distracted right then.

Finally, he opened his computer and began composing an email.

_Ellen,_

_Hey, Sis. Yeah, it's Evan. Yeah, I'm actually writing an email. No, this isn't going to become a normal thing. I don't mean that to sound bad, it's just. . . . Well, you know me. I don't write many letters._

_Remember when I was home and you asked if anything had changed? Well, I lied. It had. See, I met someone. Yeah, you read that right. Your almost forty brother finally found a woman he thinks is. . . . Let's just say she takes my breath away and leave it at that, okay?_

_Anyway, things got real complicated real fast. There were some incidents with other members of the military on base, and she nearly died in the process. I probably shouldn't even tell you that much, but I know the military won't black that out. All I can say is that I sat at her bedside, begging her to wake up. And, in those moments, I figured out that she's. . .what's the term? The One._

_So, here's my dilemma. I don't know what to do. I mean, I am older than she is. A _lot_ older. She's about 10 years younger than me. Or more. I'm not really sure. She's one of those genius types that makes it look real easy. I can handle the jokes about robbing the cradle and all the stuff that comes with the age difference. But I have no idea how she thinks. How any woman thinks, really. So help me out here. What should I do? I can't just blurt out the truth about how I feel. Can I? What if she's not ready to hear it? What if. . . .Ah, never mind. I mean, if you don't answer this email, that's fine. But, if you do, it would be greatly appreciated._

_So, how are Jared and Chris? They've grown so much since I last saw them. It's hard to believe Jared is already seven. Any chance I'll get new pictures sometimes soon?_

_Evan_

_P.S. If you mention this email to _anyone_, I'll make sure I win the next time I'm home. I'm sure the boys would love to get in on a tickling match against their Mom. And I'm sure they'd love to win, too._

Evan sat back from the computer, smiling. Ellen was very ticklish, and he often resorted to using that tactic when he wanted something. This time, he didn't want his mom to know about Jennifer.

The thought of her caused his smile to fade. He still had cleaning to do. After his second punch into the wall, he calmed and spent the night putting the room to rights. Thankfully, his easel wasn't destroyed, but the painting he'd done last night was. When it landed face down, it smeared the paint together on the floor, creating some dark abstract of swirls that mocked him. Like with any kind of acrylic paint, they hadn't dried immediately. Oh, they dried faster than oils, but not so quickly that his little tantrum hadn't put a blotch of color on Atlantis's tile. He knew, from previous experience, that a rag, water, and patience would get it off the floor. He just didn't know if he had the patience right then.

His finger hesitated over the "Send" button as he read through the email one more time. Did he sound too sappy? Would it matter if he did? Why did he even bother asking Ellen for help? He'd just refused to tell Jennifer about his feelings back there in the infirmary. Granted, it wasn't the right time, but he knew he'd make the same decision the next time. He had to. Right now, Atlantis needed her more than he needed her.

oOo

The email to Ellen went out with the weekly status report to Earth the day after he wrote it. Jenn was released from the infirmary and spent the next two days sleeping. Evan knew the sedatives were only partially responsible for Jenn's exhaustion. She hadn't taken much time to herself since the ordeal on New Athos. And she hadn't been sleeping well since then, either.

Things went sideways on Atlantis before Ellen replied to his email. The core drive of the Replicator ship pinpointed the location of every Replicator ship in the galaxy. In addition, the Replicators took to destroying human worlds in an effort to eliminate the Wraith's food supply. The core drive enabled the Expedition to send out warnings to the villages and planets along the Replicators' path, evacuating them to other worlds until the crisis blew over. Lieutenant Kemp, a fine member of Evan's command, lost his life trying to help one such village escape. With the Atlantis gate unable to get a lock, they had no way of checking on their men until the _Daedalus_ and _Apollo_ arrived with their shiny new weapons.

When those two ships arrived, they set off a whole new set of problems. McKay and the commander of the _Apollo_, Colonel Ellis, clashed so badly that Carter had to step in. Lorne wished he'd been there to see the confrontation. It had spread through Atlantis like wildfire, leading him to believe that McKay had started the rumor in order to make Ellis look like a jerk. Lorne shook his head as he walked toward the infirmary. Ellis may have been a jerk, but he outranked Evan. That demanded respect.

Jennifer glanced up from her desk, the never-ending paperwork occupying her right then. Lorne watched with dismay. She looked great. The shadows under her eyes had faded, and she'd returned to active duty three days after being released from the infirmary. He wished he could sit and talk with her, but he couldn't. As it was, he'd had to rush just to stop by and see her.

"Hey." He leaned on the door jamb of her office. "You got a minute?"

"Yeah." She pushed back from her desk. "I need to take a minute." Then, she noticed his attire. "You've got a mission."

"Yeah, I do." Evan looked down, his bruised hand taking his focus from her. "Listen, I just wanted to stop by and let you know I'll be off the base for a while. Colonel Sheppard returned, and I'm taking his place on the _Apollo_ as liaison officer."

"I see." She stood in front of him, clasping her hands before her in a nervous habit. "Evan, we need to talk. I know now is not the right time, but it needs to happen soon. Really soon. There's something going on here that I don't understand, and I'm afraid that I've messed up. Really hurt the friendship we had." She sounded like she'd thought long and hard and then rehearsed that little speech.

Unfortunately, he couldn't make her feel better. "I agree." He shook his head. "Ah. . .when I get back, we'll share coffee."

Jennifer smiled suddenly. "I'd like that."

He left her to her paperwork, calling himself every kind of fool. She'd picked up on his hesitation and thought she'd caused the problem. She couldn't have been more wrong. Unfortunately, he couldn't tell her. He hadn't heard back from his sister, and he didn't want to make a mistake. Not with Jenn. She was too special, too important to him. If he made a mistake and lost her, he didn't know how he'd react.

_Face it, Evan_, he thought as he prepared to beam up to the _Apollo_. _If you don't do something, you'll lose her anyway_. As he appeared in front of Colonel Ellis, he ground his teeth together and took the spot next to the Colonel's right hand. "You're a coward," he said under his breath.

As the ship entered hyperspace to face an unimaginable alien threat, Evan Lorne wished he could find the bravery to tell Jennifer Keller that he was head-over-heels in love with her.

~TBC


	12. All My Sins

Jennifer sat at her desk, glaring at the yarn in her hand. She'd brought several crochet patterns back from Earth, along with the yarn needed to complete them. At present, she'd only had enough time to complete the triangular shawl portion of this one. The flowers for the pattern somehow eluded her.

With a frustrated sigh, she yanked the stitches out of the mess she'd crocheted and started over. She really should be working. She had the ever-present paperwork to do, as well as the very interesting results and blood work from when she'd been affected with that neurotoxin. But she couldn't focus. In the last week, she'd discovered that crocheting helped her mind unfreeze, but this idea hadn't worked today.

Evan left a week ago. She never realized how she depended on his steady presence around Atlantis. She knew something was wrong. She'd sensed it that day he'd been in the infirmary, having his bruised hand wrapped. But she couldn't be sure what had happened. Had she made a mistake in assuming that he wanted someone to comfort him right then? He'd promised that they would have coffee when he returned, and Jennifer hoped he returned soon. She intended to hold him to that promise.

The infirmary doors opened, and Teyla and Ronon walked in, hand in hand. Jennifer set aside her crochet, knowing she'd probably not get back to it any time soon. She knew better than to assume that Ronon and Teyla were in any sort of relationship. The big guy looked concerned and sympathetic, while Teyla seemed distraught. Jennifer shook her head. She wished she could look as graceful while distraught.

"Teyla?" She adopted her best doctor's face. "What can I do for you?"

Before Teyla could speak, Ronon backed away. "I'll go now." He grinned at Teyla. "Remember. Ronon's a good name."

Jennifer nodded once. "So you finally told them."

"Yes." Teyla walked toward the scanner. "And it did not go well."

Jennifer followed her. "It seemed to go just fine for Ronon. And what are you doing?" she asked as Teyla laid down below the scanner.

"I was stunned during the mission today." Teyla looked at her. "I do not know what sort of effect that will have on my child."

Jennifer blinked a couple times and moved to the scanner. Teyla's child looked healthy. Maybe a little sluggish, but no more so than if any other mother had been knocked unconscious. Still, she couldn't know the full effects. "Well, you look fine. And the baby looks fine. Would you like to see him?"

Teyla sat up. "Him?"

"Or her." Jennifer shrugged. "I just don't like calling an unborn child 'it.'"

"I see." Teyla joined her at the screen that displayed the Ancient version of an ultrasound. "I do not see it."

"Here." Jennifer pointed out the outline of the unborn child and watched the amazement cross Teyla's face. "You know, in another month, I'll be able to tell you if the baby is a girl or a boy."

Teyla stared at the screen, seriously considering the offer. The amazement gave way to worry. "I appreciate the offer, Dr. Keller, but I think I'd prefer to not know what my child will be until he-or she-is born. It is the Athosian way."

Jennifer nodded. "I understand." She touched Teyla's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Colonel Sheppard was. . .angry." Teyla frowned. "He removed me from the team's missions and seemed unwilling to consider my people's ways."

Jennifer smiled. "Colonel Sheppard only wants to protect you. He knows you miss your people, and he wants to make sure that you don't do anything that might inadvertently put your baby in danger."

"But Athosian women stay very active in the community until the child is born." Teyla frowned. "I don't see where that would be any different."

"Do Athosian women get shot at on a regular basis?" Jennifer hated to sound so blunt, but she also knew the dangers of what could happen.

"That is what Colonel Sheppard said."

"He's right." Jennifer faced her. "Teyla, one well-placed kick to your stomach could kill your child. I know that sounds harsh, but that's the way it is. Colonel Sheppard wants to protect your child as much as he wants to protect you." She touched Teyla's shoulder again. "Don't hold it against him."

Teyla nodded and left the infirmary without another word. Jennifer watched her go, knowing that she'd struggle with finding her place. How could she not? Since coming to Atlantis, long before Jennifer had, Teyla had been an integral part of Colonel Sheppard's team. Now, she'd been sidelined. Jennifer could understand. It had stung to be a patient in the infirmary rather than the doctor.

Rather than trying to figure it out, Jennifer returned to her office. The yarn lay in a tangled mess on her desk, and she swept it into the bag she kept for it. She couldn't focus on it right then. Not with Teyla's recent words and Evan's withdrawal from her still fresh in her mind. She had too much to think about and not enough time to worry over something as inconsequential as a craft project that wouldn't work for her.

oOo

Evan beamed into Atlantis as soon as the _Apollo_ arrived around New Lantea. He'd missed the city. He'd missed Jenn. Over the course of the last week, he'd considered her desire to talk and knew he wouldn't like the conversation. He had debated the wisdom of telling her exactly how he felt, but he decided that he should wait for Ellen's response. What did he know of the female psyche? What if he said something to Jenn and watched her run out the door?

Shaking his head at himself, he knew he wouldn't relax until he'd at least stopped by the infirmary. That itself was a revelation. He wanted to check in with her just to see her and hear her voice. _You're hopeless_, he told himself.

Sheppard got to Jenn first. Evan stepped into the infirmary in time to see Sheppard approach the Doc. He tried not to listen, to fade into the background. But Sheppard's tone made it difficult to ignore.

"Why didn't you send me a report, Doc?" Sheppard asked. Evan narrowed his eyes. What was all this about?

Jenn blinked. "Uh, Colonel, you're going to have to be a little more specific. Which report would that be?"

"About Teyla."

Jenn's face cleared, and she straightened. "I didn't sent a report because it wasn't my place. Doctor-patient confidentiality. I did encourage her to tell you, though."

"We're on a military base," Sheppard said, pointing a finger in Jenn's face. "That means I should be briefed on major health issues concerning my team."

"And what, Colonel?" Jenn's voice dropped an octave, and Evan cringed. "Teyla found out as we came home from New Athos. She was reeling. Her entire life crumbled around her, and then she found out about this. Maybe she has tried to tell you. Maybe she hasn't. Maybe she wanted to but couldn't find the right time."

"She's having a baby!" Sheppard glared angrily. "You don't think that warranted my attention?"

Evan blinked. Teyla was pregnant? And still went on missions knowing that she could be injured? What had she been thinking?

Jenn refused to back down. "Colonel Sheppard, since when does Teyla's personal life constitute a memo to you? It wasn't my place to tell you. As her doctor, Teyla has to be able to trust me with her most intimate issues. _Especially_ now. If I had broken that trust, she would not have had the confidence in me to tell me if something went terribly wrong. You must look at this from more than a protective, military stance. For her health, Teyla needs someone she can trust. Since Kate died, that person seems to be me. I can't betray that trust."

"We were stunned today. Any idea what that does to the baby?"

"Not really, but from what I can tell, it didn't do anything more than if she'd been knocked unconscious by any other means." Jenn glanced around, finally noticing Evan in the corner. "I'll keep a close eye on her, and I'll tell you if there's anything you need to know. For now, removing her from active duty is the best course of action." She reached out and touched Sheppard's arm. "Just don't be too hard on her."

Sheppard nodded, accepting Jenn's concession. Evan waited, feeling bad that he'd overheard the conversation but knowing there was no other choice. They stood in the middle of the infirmary, not in Jenn's office. And Sheppard hadn't exactly kept his voice down.

Sheppard turned before Evan had a chance to fully assimilate the news that Teyla was pregnant. He grinned at Evan and held up a finger as he turned back to Jenn. "You know, earlier today, I got a chance to go through some backlogged _paperwork_," he said, emphasizing the last word for Evan's benefit. "I thought I said I wanted results on all my command staff concerning that Kirsan fever outbreak."

Jenn blinked, and Evan cringed again. He knew where this was headed. _Caught!_ Jenn glanced at him, clearly giving away her involvement in his little lie to get out of doing Sheppard's paperwork. "I did send you all the results."

"A week later." Sheppard moved so that he could include Evan in the conversation. "The next time you two decide to try to get out of paperwork, make sure you cover all your bases." With that, he left them alone.

Jenn stared at Evan, her eyes wide and her face turning slightly red. He loved that shade on her. He liked it so much that he decided to continue the conversation. "I though you said you'd cover it."

"I know." She covered her face with her hands. "I completely forgot."

He finally moved from his corner, putting a reassuring hand on her arm. "Don't worry about it, Doc. I'm sure it'll be fine."

Jenn nodded. "I know. It's just. . .embarrassing." Just like that, she lost all the fire she'd displayed while arguing with Sheppard and returned to the meek doctor that everyone else saw. "You're back."

He grinned. "And glad to be back. I missed this place." _I missed you_, he wanted to add. Instead, he glanced at her. "Have you had dinner?"

"No, not yet." She shrugged. "Now is as good a time as any."

Relieved that she didn't want to sit and talk, Evan waited while she secured her office. In the mess hall, he settled at the table his team customarily chose. Before long, Coughlin and Reed joined them. For the next few hours, Jenn laughed and joked with his men as if she belonged. Evan watched her, thinking that he really should figure out what to do about his decision to stay friends. If she continued to laugh like that around him, he'd renege on his decision to keep things in the friendship realm. Then, he shook his head as Coughlin cracked another joke at Reed's expense. With these guys around, he wouldn't have a chance to keep things quiet. They would push and prod until he finally did something about what he felt. Problem was, he didn't need to be prodded. He just needed to figure out the best way to handle the new challenge that was Jennifer Keller.

oOo

By the time Jennifer crawled into bed that night, she wondered if she had any emotions left that she'd not experienced that day. She'd been angry when Sheppard confronted her, embarrassed when Sheppard confronted Evan and her, happy when Evan returned, irritated when he didn't tell her what was on his mind, relieved when he just wanted to share dinner, and anxious when he walked her home. What was it that he kept from her? She figured she probably shouldn't obsess about it, but she couldn't help it. She cared far more than she'd though possible.

Jennifer knew she had fallen for Evan Lorne. _You and every third woman on the base_, she thought. Between Evan, Ronon, and Sheppard, every other woman in Atlantis fancied herself in love. Except maybe Katie Brown and Teyla. McKay had charmed Katie, and Teyla had an Athosian lover. Still, Jennifer never wanted to join the other women in swooning whenever Evan looked her way. And, yet, she couldn't stop the rise in her blood pressure.

Why couldn't she understand men like any other woman did? Jennifer pounded her pillow and glared at the ceiling. Did she love him? Or did she love the idea of being loved by him? Or. . . . _Shut up, already!_ she ordered her mind. In med school, she'd learned to sleep wherever. She just wished she'd learned to sleep no matter what went on in her mind.

_No matter what._ That was Evan's promise. And he'd asked her to call him any time she couldn't sleep. "Yeah, right," she muttered. "What are you going to tell him? That you're not having nightmares, but he's keeping you awake? Real good way to make an impression!"

Then, again, if he didn't tell her what was on his mind, she just might resort to that to get the truth out of him. She couldn't handle this uncertainty for very long. If he didn't say something soon, she would.

Jennifer drifted to sleep in the middle of planning her next encounter. If she didn't lose her nerve, she hoped to know what was wrong with him before his next off world mission. If she didn't, she'd just ground him to the base until she had a chance to figure it out. She knew she would never get away with it, but, hey, a girl could dream.

~TBC


	13. Remember'd

_Evan walked toward the village, fear already coiling in the pit of his stomach. He knew what he would find, but he couldn't stop the scenario from unfolding._

_The village spread out in front of him, deathly quiet in the morning. The sun shone brightly, mocking the gruesome scene. Men, women, and children lay on the ground, their blood soaking the sand and turning it brownish-red. Eyes stared vacantly, and mouths opened soundlessly. Almost everyone held a blood-coated weapon._

"_Major!" Reed's voice was panicked._

_Evan turned and rushed to his side, slowing as he saw the Atlantis uniform. He stepped over, his heart tripping as he recognized the yellow bands on the bloody sleeve. With morbid fascination, he grasped the body's shoulder and rolled it toward him._

_Jennifer Keller stared at him, her face contorted in rage while her life bled out on the ground below him._

Evan woke in a cold sweat. He swallowed the nausea that still threatened, even weeks after seeing that village. He never complained about the dreams that life on Atlantis caused, but he knew this one had deeper issues.

He'd almost lost her. That thought had rolled around in his head for weeks, and it returned in full force. He'd almost lost Jennifer to an unknown pathogen. Even now, she worked to find a treatment. He knew. She told him this last night, at dinner.

Rather than thinking, Evan pushed back the covers and rose. He pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. As soon as he wore his tennis shoes, he headed toward the gym. In the week since the destruction of the Replicator's planet, he'd taken to using a punching bag to relieve his nighttime terrors. Lately, those terrors revolved around one woman.

Jennifer sat on a bench along the side of the gym. Evan blinked at her as he entered, wondering how he'd managed to summon her at this late hour. Then, she looked at him, the haunted expression back in her eyes. He moved to her side. "Hey, Doc."

"Evan." Her use of his given name seemed deliberate.

"What's on your mind?" As he spoke, he dropped onto the bench and braced his elbows on his knees.

"Oh, you know." She gave him a sheepish shrug. "Bola Kai."

"Again?" He straightened to look at her.

She nodded and leaned her head on his shoulder. Evan moved, putting an arm around her. He knew she still struggled with the ordeal on New Athos. As she leaned against him, she spoke. "I know it's been a long time, and I should be over this. But, I'm not. I keep dreaming about running through the forest, fighting Bola Kai and not having it do any good. I wanted to learn to fight, but I just haven't taken the time.

"And that bridge." She shuddered. "There was a rope bridge. Teyla's people built it. A single thick rope to walk on, over this Grand Canyon-sized drop. I did okay until the middle of it. Then, my foot slipped. In real life, Teyla caught me. In my dream. . . ." She didn't have to finish the sentence.

So she'd been dreaming of her own death while he'd dreamed of losing her. Interesting. Rather than saying anything, he stayed silent. What could he say that wouldn't reveal more than he wanted to reveal?

Finally, Jenn lifted her head and tossed her hair from her face. "Can't sleep?"

"Ah. . .dreams." Evan shrugged. "You know how it is."

She nodded, not asking him about them. He appreciated that. Even though he knew talking about the nightmares would likely help, he refused to put that kind of pressure on her. After all, a few months ago, his worst nightmare had been finding out that his trusted CO was a Replicator. Now, his worst nightmare involved finding the mutilated corpse of the woman he loved. He did not want to explain how that shift happened.

Jenn stood and walked a few steps toward the center of the room. Her arms wrapped around her middle, and she looked uncertain. "So you came to the gym?"

"Ah. . .yeah. I was going to use the punching bag, but if you're wanting to spar. . . ." Even as he offered, he knew it was probably a bad idea.

"Oh, I. . .that's. . .I mean. . . ." Her characteristic stammer told him everything he needed to know.

He stood, walking toward her with a calculating expression. "Don't know how?"

"No." She shrugged. "I was going to ask about lessons, but my ankle was still healing. Then, everything happened, and. . . ."

"How about now?" Evan held out his hands. "I'm not Ronon, and he'd probably teach you a lot more. But I'm not too bad myself."

"Really?" She grinned at him when he nodded. "Right now?"

"Why not?" He returned the grin. "What's wrong, Doc? Afraid of something?"

Jennifer pulled herself up to her full height. Evan was _not_ going to tease her. She suspected that might have been his intention, but she couldn't resist the sparkle in his eyes or the teasing in his voice. "Sure. Why not?"

For the next few minutes, she listened as he carefully outlined the basics of hand-to-hand combat. He showed her how to plant her feet and hold her hands. They ran through several slow exercises designed to teach her the motions. Then, he stood next to her and sped up the motion.

Jennifer followed as closely as she could. She had to admit that the exercise felt good. She ran every day, but she rarely had enough time for more than that. She needed to make it to the gym more often. There was something incredibly therapeutic about physical exercise.

Once she could do the motions with relative ease, Evan decided that she'd progressed enough to actually spar. Jennifer wondered if she shouldn't call it a night, but the serious expression he wore made her obey his instructions. On the first try, he knocked her hands aside easily. After explaining what she'd done wrong, he nodded for her to try the simple block again. Three attempts later, she succeeded.

Evan didn't stop there, however. He seemed to sense that she'd moved beyond thinking about the moves to just letting her body react. While she reacted instinctively, he tried another attack. She blocked this one too, but ended up about an inch from his face.

They stared at each other for a moment. Jennifer knew she should back away, but she couldn't make her body obey her commands. Evan overwhelmed her with his proximity. Maybe, if she just kissed him, they could avoid that talk she'd asked to have.

As if reading her mind, his eyes dropped to her lips and flew back to her eyes. The distant friendship faded, leaving something profound behind. Her breath hitched, and her heart rate rose. She idly wondered if he could see her pulse in her neck but pushed the thought from her mind.

A moment later, Evan kissed her, and all coherent thought flew from her mind. Jennifer had barely begun to return the kiss when he pulled away. This time, however, he simply dropped the hold he'd had on her arms, choosing to pull her closer to his body. One hand lay alongside her jaw, and he kissed her again.

Jennifer struggled to breathe even as she returned the kiss with everything in her. Every nerve in her body came alive, and she snaked one arm around his neck. A part of her brain told her that it was simply the late night, the result of too many nightmares and too little sleep. But she didn't care. She could stay in Evan's arms for the rest of her life and be completely happy.

All too soon, he pulled away. This time, however, he simply pressed his forehead to hers. They stood like that for a few minutes, their breath mingling as they both tried to find their equilibrium. Jennifer closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of him pressed against her and the comfort it offered. She could definitely handle waking up to this every morning!

Finally, he straightened, putting distance between them and cooling the passions their kiss had ignited. "Ah. . . ."

"Yeah," she agreed. She wasn't entirely sure what to say, and she opted for the dry joke she knew he'd appreciate. "I'll dream well after that."

A grin touched his face, but the mask had descended over his eyes, again. "Yeah, me, too."

After another awkward moment, Jennifer motioned to the door. "I should go."

At first, he acted as if he'd let her leave. Then, he cleared his throat. "Hey, Jenn?" He stood in the center of the room, looking completely shaken. "Coffee? Soon?"

So this had affected him. She smiled. "Sounds good." She checked the watch she still wore and cringed. "Though, maybe not this morning. I'm going to try to get as much sleep as I can."

Evan smiled. "Tomorrow, then." He put his hands on his hips. "Sleep well."

_After a kiss like that?_ she thought. _Not likely._ "Plan to."

She left with her heart still pounding. Why couldn't he just be honest with her about what he obviously felt? A man didn't kiss a woman like that without having some serious feelings. She knew. She remembered being held by another man back on Earth. She clearly recalled how used she felt when he was done with her. How his kisses were about himself and what he could get.

Not so with Evan. Even as he kissed her, he held her carefully, as if she would break. And he stayed close even after he broke the kiss. She'd never felt anything like it. She just hoped that she saw him again before their next briefing. She didn't know if she would be able to sit in the same room, listening to McKay and others talk about physics and other mundane Atlantis business, without reliving that kiss again.

As she dropped into bed, she closed her eyes. Yes, she could definitely get used being treated like that by Evan. If only he would realize it, she'd be the happiest woman on the planet.

oOo

_Evan,_

_For the record, you'd have to catch me to have a tickle war like that!_

_Seriously, though. Wow! I never thought you'd find a woman willing to put up with you! I think I'll write this date on my calendar so I can remember it! A once-in-a-lifetime event, not to mention something you thought impossible, has occurred!_

_I have so many questions. What's her name? Where is she from? What does she do? How did you meet? What does she look like? Those and so many more. I mean, it's not like your older brother asking for dating advice is normal! If the email wasn't surprise enough, its certainly contents were!_

_So, she's younger than you. By quite a bit. That shouldn't be a problem, especially if she's The One. And you're worried about making a move? Don't be. If she's into you, she'll appreciate it. That's one thing you haven't told me. Are you just friends with her, or are you pretending to be just friends? Because women are funny about their men. If they're just friends, they don't want you to make a move. But, if they're just pretending to be friends, they're crying out for you to make a move. Odds are good she's in one of these two categories. You're going to have to decide that._

_As for making a move, it doesn't have to be huge. It could be a simple date. Something that lets her know how you feel. Or it could be a conversation. Or a kiss. Or. . . You get my drift. Anything that lets her know you care about her. The problems on base will complicate things a little, but not as much as you're thinking. Women like to be comforted. We like to know we're cherished and special. Unless she's a tough Marine, she's probably going to want that. (Heck, she'll probably want that even if she is a tough Marine!)_

_Oh, I can't wait 'til you come home next! Especially if you bring her! Jared and Chris will love to meet her, as well. I hope things work out for you. Really, I do. Your last email sounded so happy. So content. I hope you'll figure this out and that you'll be happy with this mystery lady._

_Pictures should be included with this email._

_Ellen_

_P.S. Seriously, can I have a name? Please?_

Evan chuckled at the email, thinking about the previous night. The weekly status report deposited the email into his inbox an hour ago, and he'd gladly taken the time to read Ellen's reply. Not that he needed to worry about making a move. After that kiss last night, he'd taken a cold shower before returning to bed. Now, he clicked the "Reply" button and started typing.

_Ellen,_

_So, I think the making a move part has been done. Now I just have to wait for the fallout from it. It wasn't planned. Wasn't intentional. But, well, wow!_

_Her name is Jennifer. She's a doctor, and she's not a Marine. We met because she's the CMO of the base, and she does everyone's medical examinations. Now, before your mind goes to the gutter, she's very professional about it. As for what she looks like, she's gorgeous. Blond hair, blue eyes, mischievous smile. I won't terrorize you with my other observations concerning her appearance._

"Major Lorne, this is Sheppard."

Evan sighed as the call interrupted his thoughts. He tapped his radio. "Yes, Sir."

"Gear up."

"Yes, Sir." Evan stared at the computer screen.

_Sorry, Sis, but duty calls. I'll try to write more, later._

_Evan._

_P.S. Thanks for the pics. I'll get them printed soon._

He pressed the send button and headed for the armory. With Sheppard's team down one person due to Teyla's pregnancy, he expected to get a lot more missions during the next few months. As he walked into the armory, he buried his grin. His sister was happy for him.

"Sir, what's going on?" he asked.

"McKay thinks we've got a message from Wraith friend." Sheppard glanced up as he grabbed a TAC vest. "We're going to check it out."

Lorne nodded and set about preparing for the mission. Minutes later, he led his men from the armory, leaving Teyla and Sheppard to argue over whether she went on this mission or not. He gladly left the Colonel to that argument. Instead, he waved at Jennifer as he passed the infirmary, drawing a smile and slight blush from her. Evan grinned. For right now, life was good.

~TBC


	14. Spoils of War

Jennifer stood in the infirmary, totally absorbed in her work. She stared at the brain scans of Coughlin and Witman's team, not to mention her own, and scowled. Cole had already discovered that an overload of certain hormones in their brains had caused the rage. Jennifer knew that, accepted that. She wanted to know why the hormones suddenly raged out of control. Then, she winced. Evan had worn off on her if she'd started thinking in puns.

Thinking of Evan made her think of his kiss. After leaving the gym, she'd gone to her quarters and slept well. But she awoke cold, like her covers weren't enough. Jennifer sighed. If he didn't talk soon, she was going to strap him into a hospital bed until he decided to tell her what was on his mind. And, if what happened was a fluke, the result of a night with too little sleep? She doubted it, but she tried to prepare herself for that possibility.

"Dr. Keller?" Teyla's voice broke through her thoughts.

Jennifer turned and smiled. "Teyla. What can I do for you?"

"Have you got a few minutes?" Teyla looked incredibly uncomfortable. Angry, even. "I need to talk."

"Okay." Jennifer saved her work. She led the Athosian to her office, wondering what this meeting was about. Teyla didn't seem angry at her, but a certain fire lit her eyes. Inside the office, Jennifer chose to sit on the couch, where Evan had sat all those weeks ago, while Teyla perched on the edge. "What's on your mind?"

"Are Earth women somehow fragile while they are carrying children?"

"What?" Jennifer blinked at the sudden question.

"I am trying to figure out why Colonel Sheppard seems intent on sequestering me here, on Atlantis, where I cannot do any good." Teyla shrugged. "I wondered if Earth women were somehow fragile. After all, Dr. McKay seems to think certain times of the year make him sick."

"First of all, Dr. McKay is a hypochondriac." Jennifer smiled. "And there is such a thing as seasonal allergies. Certain types of pollen affect different people different ways. And, third, there are women who require additional care during their pregnancies. You are not one of them."

"Then why would Colonel Sheppard not allow me to contribute?"

"Teyla, we've been over this before." Jennifer shook her head. "I'm sure you haven't forgotten my answers then. _I_ don't want you going off world and putting yourself in danger. I can't handle it if anything happens to your baby."

Teyla glared momentarily before clearly surrendering. "I am sorry." She sighed. "I am just trying to figure out my place here on Atlantis. Watching Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay, and Ronon leave without me was. . .difficult."

Jennifer smiled again, relaxing into the couch. "That I understand. As a doctor, it's hard to sit at home, waiting until they return."

Teyla raised an eyebrow. "Is there someone you're waiting for?"

Jennifer blushed, the same blush that had covered her face when Evan peeked into the infirmary on his way to the gate room. A Marine entering at the right moment allowed her to see his slight smile and nod. "Maybe."

"Oh, really?" Teyla seemed all too happy to leave her troubles behind and focus on Jennifer. "Who is it?"

"Oh. . .I really can't-I mean, it's nothing, really." Jennifer backpedaled. "I mean, I don't feel right talking about it until we've had a chance to talk."

"Are you sure he returns the feelings?"

"He kissed me." The words slipped out before Jennifer could stop them. Her eyes widened. "You weren't supposed to hear that."

Teyla smiled. "I will not tell anyone. And, for the record, I believe Major Lorne would not-what is the term?-kiss and tell."

Jennifer's head snapped up. "Who said anything about Major Lorne?"

"There is only one team off world right now besides Colonel Sheppard. And I have watched the two of you. You do not act as two people who are only friends." Teyla frowned. "Is this unwillingness to tell him how you feel another strange Earth ritual?"

"No, it's just. . .complicated." Jennifer shook her head. She should have known that others would see what happened between her and Evan. "I mean, last night was amazing. We met up in the gym, and he started teaching me to fight. Next thing I know, I'm in his arms, and he's kissing me speechless. After the whole neurotoxin incident, he pulled away. Last night was the first time I really saw anything close to what he seemed to feel before I got sick. And I've asked if we can talk, but we haven't taken the time. It's just silly stuff that keeps interrupting, but. . .well. . . ." Suddenly, she ran out of words.

Teyla smiled gently. "I am sure things will work out between you."

"I wish I could be so sure." Jennifer held up a finger. "And don't even think about matchmaking."

"It didn't even cross my mind." Teyla smiled as Jennifer returned to work. Her chat with the young doctor had done wonders. By asking about Major Lorne, she'd confirmed her suspicions and stopped thinking about John's slight. Did he even know what he'd done by leaving her behind?

Blinking the thoughts from her head, Teyla left the infirmary and headed for the mess hall. She hadn't slept well for the last several nights. Since she'd been removed from active duty, she might take a nap. A few extra hours of sleep would do her wonders.

"Teyla." Sheppard's voice startled her, and she turned. He sat down in front of her. "I need your help. We've found a Wraith hive, unmanned and in need of a pilot. The ship's been secured; we're in no immediate danger; and you're the only one who can fly it."

Teyla smiled at him. "Even in my condition?"

As John sighed, she knew she'd made her point. Even if she continued to struggle with the various emotions stirred by John, by her child's father, by her missing people, she knew she'd never truly hold it against Sheppard for too long. She couldn't, and she didn't want to figure out why that might be.

oOo

"Ah, you're gonna make a great mom," Lorne said with conviction.

"Thank you." Teyla wished she could put all of the gratefulness she felt into that statement. "I wish I could be so sure."

He looked slightly sheepish. "Being sure has nothing to do with it. Being willing to try has everything to do with it." He smiled. "I remember watching my sister with her first son. She was so afraid of making a mistake, but seeing her that happy really made an impact. It's one of the only times I can really remember wanting a family of my own."

Teyla blinked. "You've never wanted a family? Why not?"

Lorne shrugged. "It's a decision I made early on. I watched one of my closest friends go through losing his dad to the military. I knew I'd join up right after high school, and I knew I'd be doing some sort of dangerous work. I guess I just figured a family and the military didn't mix."

"And now?"

_Now?_ Lorne glanced around the bridge of the Wraith vessel. Now, things were different. Now, he had Jennifer in his life. Now. . . . "I'm not so sure about now."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"It's complicated." He glanced over, seeing the strange expression cross her face. "What?"

"It is nothing." She let out a breath. "You just said something that Dr. Keller said earlier today. About things being complicated."

Lorne turned slightly, just enough to face her. He was suddenly curious. "Dr. Keller said something about me?" When Teyla demurred, he let a grin begin. "What did she say?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss it with anyone." She shook her head. "I am sorry for even mentioning the conversation."

Lorne let the subject drop and shook his head. At the mention of Jennifer Keller, he'd turned into an eager kid worried about what others thought of him. _No_, he corrected himself. _Not others. Only one person._ That decision long ago, military or family, haunted him now. He'd never really thought about it, and now he needed to consider the ramifications. Could he really put Jennifer in that position?

His mind traveled back to last night, and he left Teyla on the bridge to think as he wandered the hive. His men hovered near the bridge, but they left Teyla alone. They seemed to sense that she needed time to think. Just like he did.

Lorne scrubbed a hand across his face and let out a deep breath. Waiting wasn't that great of a job, but someone had to do it. He just wished he didn't have so much to think about. Last night, with Jennifer, he had actually felt whole. Complete. The expression on her face just before he kissed her. . .she actually looked thunderstruck. He smiled at the image. Ellen told him to just make a move. He had. Now he wondered what the next move should be.

"Major Lorne, this is Teyla." Her anxious voice returned him to his current reality. "I need you on the bridge."

Lorne turned on his heel and walked back the way he'd come. He had not realized how much time had passed between his conversation with Teyla and now. Man! He really needed to take some time off if his personal thoughts overshadowed his job! Distracted men were dead men in his world.

"What is it?" he asked as soon as he entered the bridge.

"I have detected a Dart approaching our position." Teyla's words firmly grounded him in the present, and he nodded. He'd think about Jennifer later, after the danger had passed. For now, he needed to be the unflappable soldier everyone else expected.

oOo

Evan returned unharmed that evening. Jennifer watched him file into the infirmary for his post-mission checkup and gratefully accepted Sheppard's request that she examine Teyla. She wasn't sure she could handle touching Evan right then.

He grinned at her as she passed him. "Doc."

"Major." She smiled, realizing his little game after all this time. There was something. . . .thrilling about pretending they _didn't_ have a relationship. It was a secret, and secrets were fun. "Good mission?"

"Yeah." He actually winked at her.

Jennifer walked to Teyla's side, her heart fluttering as she felt Evan's eyes on her. Or did she? When she glanced back at him, he spoke with Marie as if nothing had happened. But something had. She knew it, and Teyla knew it. The Athosian lay under the scanner, explaining her encounter with the Wraith queen, and watching the interactions between the doctor and the major.

Finally, Jennifer stepped away from the scanner. "You're fine. And the baby is fine."

"Thank you, Dr. Keller." Teyla sat up. "I appreciate all you've done for me."

"It's no problem." Jennifer shrugged. "It's why I'm here."

Teyla nodded and left the infirmary. Jennifer completed her rounds for the day and straightened a few supplies. Then, she found her way to the mess hall for a late dinner.

The idea of sharing something secret with Evan actually appealed, and she wondered if that's why he hadn't spoken with her. No, that couldn't be the case. It was just the result of not having talked about what was happening between them. She should stop obsessing over this and focus on her work. Whatever happened with Evan would happen in its time, without her help.

All thoughts of letting things happen in their own time fled when he sat down across from her. He looked fresh from a shower, with his hair still spiking along the front. And his eyes sparkled. Jennifer swallowed the bite in her mouth and let out a relieved sigh when he turned the conversation to mundane things. She asked about the mission, and he told her a little more of what had happened. But things had changed, and they both knew it. As Evan walked her to her room that night, Jennifer wondered if she'd make it should he decide that this was all they could have. Not trusting herself to speak, she simply touched his arm and left him standing in the hallway, with a soft smile on his face. In time, she'd ask him about things. But not tonight. Tonight, she planned to enjoy the sweetness a little longer.

~TBC


	15. Quarantine

**Author's Note: **So, here's the much anticipated chapter for "Quarantine." For those of you who don't care for rehashing episodes, this one has a lot more of the original episode in it, but I think you'll see it was necessary. I love this episode, as well, so there's a moment I've included that was just too fun to pass up. As always, hope you enjoy it, and I think you'll understand why I kept the canon the same. :D ~lg

A week later, Evan walked through the gate with the single-minded purpose of finding Jenn. He'd thought long and hard about his relationship with her, factored in his sister's words, his own feelings, and the life they lived. Then, he thought about Teyla. The woman was pregnant by a man who might already be dead. Evan had decided right then that, no matter how awkward or long it took, he'd tell Jenn what was going through his head.

Glancing around for Carter and Sheppard, he frowned. Normally, one of them was there to greet incoming teams. Then, again, his team had finished their mission early. They weren't expected for another couple of hours.

Alarm claxons sounded as he headed for the corridor out of the gate room. Evan stopped just short of getting his nose taken off by the slamming door. Coughlin actually pulled him back a few feet.

Evan whirled. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know!" Chuck rushed for a computer and began typing on it. His eyes widened as he read what was on the screen.

Evan rushed up the stairs and stopped beside the gate technician. "What is it?"

"It's a quarantine." Chuck looked up, still slightly stunned. "We're locked in!"

oOo

"Well, maybe we could pass the time by getting to know each other better." Jennifer knew it was a mistake the moment the words left her mouth.

Ronon narrowed his eyes. "What do you have in mind?"

Jennifer stared at him momentarily, and then she realized the direction of his thoughts. Her eyes widened. "Oh, I, I mean, I didn't. . .you know, I meant. . .just, like, talk." She let out a nervous laugh. "I didn't mean. . . . .Yeah! So, anyway, um, let's talk."

Ronon simply stared at her.

Jennifer turned her attention to the wound on Ronon's arm. How could she have thought "getting to know each other" would have made him go _there_? She didn't want to go there with Ronon! At least, she didn't think so.

She finished stitching his arm-again!-and wrapped her arms around her waist. Her face heated, and she wanted to crawl into a hole. Maybe even pull it in with her! In all her time on Atlantis, she'd never looked at Ronon in a romantic way. Sure, he was attractive and mysterious, but he wasn't Evan.

Jenn blinked at that thought. Since when had Evan started interfering with her opinions of other men? _You know when_, her mind answered. _That was some kiss!_ Her face got warmer. She didn't need to think about Evan's kiss right then. She needed to focus on being ready to treat the sick when they finally arrived at the infirmary.

Unfortunately, her mind betrayed her. She eyed Ronon, allowing herself to honestly assess him. He _was_ hot. Really hot in that spent-too-much-time-on-the-beach kind of way. And his green eyes followed her every move. His time with the Wraith had honed his senses, and he often read people without more than a single word on which to base his theories. Many women would find that unavoidably attractive. Many women on Atlantis _did_ find that unavoidably attractive. Jennifer wasn't one of them.

The infirmary stayed quiet for a long time. Then, Ronon broke the silence. "You okay?"

Jennifer looked up and realized she'd been pacing in front of him. "Yeah. I just. . . ." She glanced around and searched for an appropriate response. She couldn't tell him that her thoughts during a disease outbreak were of Evan and not of treating the sick. "I don't like sitting around, either."

He sat up and started talking, and Jenn stopped thinking. Who knew this man had a soft side, one that left him speechless and hesitant? For some reason, it endeared him to her.

oOo

In the control room, Evan stared at Sheppard as he typed into a computer. The alert beacon had been activated just after the quarantine, and he'd tried to disable it. Tried multiple times. His password just wasn't recognized by the city's operating system. He sighed when the system recognized Sheppard's password.

Chuck checked his computer. "Beacon's deactivated."

Sheppard straightened, and Evan let out a relieved sigh. He'd worried that the Wraith would find them for sure. With the city in lockdown, the cloak and shield disabled, and no one able to get to the control chair, the city was a sitting duck.

Alarm claxons sounded through the city, this time different from the ones that had announced the quarantine. Evan's breath hitched imperceptibly as the computer screens went dark. He turned to Sheppard. "Is that the, uh. . .? _Please don't say what I think you're going to say!_

Sheppard nodded once. "Self destruct."

oOo

In the infirmary, sitting beside an overturned bed, Jennifer sighed. "I don't ever remember a time in my life where I belonged." She hated how pathetic that sounded, but she couldn't help it. Here, trapped with this amazing man, she allowed herself to truly analyze herself. Unfortunately, she also thought about Evan and his kiss. _That_ was one time she'd felt like she belonged. She just couldn't stay in his arms forever.

"Yeah, well," Ronon said, "blowing up that tank-you really showed yourself."

"But it didn't work," Jennifer said with a smile.

"That's not the point."

She stared at him, wanting to ask what the point really was, but her words died in her throat. He stared at her, those green eyes assessing every part of her face. A moment later, he shuffled toward her. When she leaned her head on his shoulder, he leaned down to smell her hair. The movement, so intimate, reminded her of the night Evan laid his forehead on hers after their kiss. The memory of that moment remained so strong, and she wished that she wasn't trapped with Ronon at all. She wished for Evan.

Jennifer lifted her head and smiled at Ronon, intending to tell him the truth right then. Instead, he leaned toward her. She should have stopped him, but she didn't. Instead, she moved toward him, the idea of kissing Ronon too tempting to pass up. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she screamed at herself to stop. She couldn't do this to Evan. She couldn't turn her back on what they might have. But, trapped in the moment, she merely smiled when the lights went off. Ronon clearly saw the advantage of that and leaned toward her again.

Just as they would have kissed, the lights came back on, the doors opened, and cool air rushed into the infirmary. Ronon stood and grinned at Jennifer, clearly torn between helping her put the infirmary to rights and getting out of the confining space.

"Go." Jennifer smiled, trying to steady her voice. "I can take care of this."

He hesitated for only a moment longer before heading to the door. Jennifer watched him go, all chemistry of the moment gone. What had she been thinking? Just yesterday, she'd obsessed over whether Evan was going to ever talk to her. Now, she nearly kissed another man.

As she worked, she thought about that moment with Ronon. Later, when she went to the mess hall for dinner and sat next to him, she thought about the moment. When she noticed Evan wasn't anywhere around, she thought about the moment. And, late that night, when she tried to sleep, she thought about that moment.

She'd been wrong. Jennifer decided this as she pushed back the covers and rose to dress. She couldn't string Ronon along like that knowing that she had someone else waiting in the wings for her to make up her mind. She knew now what Davos meant by telling her that The One she searched for waited for her. She just needed to figure out what to do about it.

Jennifer dressed and headed for Ronon's quarters before her mind talked her out of her plan. She couldn't let personal reservations interfere with what she needed to do. At Ronon's quarters, she swiped her hand over the crystals to request entry and waited. How would he take it?

Ronon answered before she'd decided she had a clear course of action. He frowned at her, and she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry to interrupt. I just. . .I mean, I need to talk to you."

"Okay." He stepped back, clearly inviting her inside.

Jennifer checked the hallway, fighting with this subconscious fear that Evan would see her and think the wrong thing. When she saw no one, she stepped inside and looked around. The room clearly resembled Ronon. Weapons and furs everywhere, with touches of art in odd places. Not at all like Evan's orderly quarters.

Ronon cleared his throat. "What's on your mind?"

She faced him, her face turning red and her mind whirling. "I wanted to apologize."

He blinked. "Okay."

"No, it's not." She shrugged. Now that she'd gotten past the initial nerves, she couldn't stop the words. "Earlier today in the infirmary, I got caught up in the moment. But. . .well, it's. . . .I mean. . .I'm sort of interested. . .in someone else."

Ronon stared at her for a long moment. "Okay."

"I'm really sorry to do this to you." She let out a deep breath. "I mean, you were a big help today. But I just. . . ."

"Have you told him?"

"What?"

"That you feel this way?" Ronon shrugged. "I think he'll understand."

"You do?"

He cleared his throat and sat down on the end of his bed, leaving her to stand in the middle of the room with nowhere to put her hands. "Remember the woman I told you about?"

"Your Satedan friend?"

"Yeah." Ronon shrugged. "She died in the siege." He looked up at her, his eyes studying her. "Don't wait too long. You might lose the chance for good."

Jennifer blinked and tried to breathe. She'd come here to let him down gently, and he'd responded by pushing her toward another man. Rather than trying to comment, she simply apologized again and left him alone.

Ronon's eyes as he told her about his lady back on Sateda stayed with her. The anguish he'd shown when he told her not to wait too long. Could she really do that to herself? Could she become like Ronon? Maybe she would never be a Runner. She didn't have the stamina, the physical strength to become a Runner. But could she become the woman with regrets, the one who mourned indefinitely because her man never returned? She knew the answer. Life on Atlantis was uncertain at best, and she couldn't wait for Evan to make a move.

Jennifer spent the night staring at the ceiling and deciding the best way to tell Evan that she wanted more, wanted what they'd shared that night in the gym. With any luck, he'd share the sentiment. If he didn't. . . . she refused to think that far ahead.

~TBC


	16. Paintings And Promises

Jennifer got the chance to talk to Evan much sooner than she'd thought possible. The next morning, she awoke to the realization that she had scheduled herself off duty. At first, she stretched and snuggled back under the covers, enjoying the luxurious feel of sleeping after sunrise. But, soon, the desire for a good cup of coffee overwhelmed her desire for more sleep. She rose, wrapped a robe around her pajamas, and set about making coffee.

She thought about Evan every time she made coffee, now. Even if he hadn't bought her that monthly subscription, she would have thought about the day he came over for coffee after her meltdown. He'd been so sweet then. He still was, but things had changed. _She_ had changed.

Just thinking about Evan made her think about Ronon. _Don't wait too long,_ he'd said. _You might lose the chance for good._ Those were wise words, spoken from experience. Jennifer wondered about the woman Ronon had lost on Sateda. Had he not told her everything? Had he lost her before he could explain just how he felt about her? Or had he been completely honest with her and spent what time he could get with her? Jennifer had so many questions about the mystery woman, but she couldn't forget Ronon's words. Or his intent. It was as if he'd known exactly who she talked about.

Agitated, she jumped to her feet, dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt under a light pink jacket, and set about cleaning her quarters. By midmorning, she had cleaned her quarters and straightened everything she could possibly straighten. The rooms on Atlantis were only so big. So, not entirely sure about herself, she gathered her craft bag and set off around Atlantis. Evan had to be around here somewhere. She'd already checked the personnel roster and knew he also had the day off.

She found him on the east pier, standing with his back to the city, the wind yanking at the ends of his untucked blue button-down shirt. Jennifer narrowed her eyes as he hunched forward slightly. A high layer of clouds covered the sky and turned it gray. The horizon blended the ocean and the sky together, making it impossible to tell one from the other. And the waves lapping on the side of Atlantis sounded loud in the quiet.

Then, Evan moved, and she blinked. A large canvas stood on an easel, and he cleaned a paintbrush in a clear mixture that darkened to a bluish tint. Evan painted? Jennifer stared, amazed. She'd known him to be a private man, but she'd never expected this. Or the level of talent he displayed. The painting wasn't finished, but she already knew she'd always hear the sound of the ocean whenever she looked at it.

He sensed her presence and turned before she was fully ready to speak. "Hey, Doc."

Jennifer smiled. "I didn't know you painted."

"Yeah." He moved to add another touch to the painting, inviting her to join him with a quick motion of his hand. "I don't get much time here, but I try to paint whenever I can. There's nothing quite like these views." He let out a deep breath, his eyes going to the horizon.

Jennifer stared at those blue eyes, their vibrancy seeming out of place on such a gray day. They watched the horizon, squinting slightly as he absorbed his impressions of the sight. When he glanced at her, she realized she was staring. "Oh. Um. . .yeah."

Evan grinned. "Forgot what I said?"

"Yeah." She grinned, not stopping the blush that she felt heat her face. "So, where did you learn to paint?"

"My mom." He talked as he worked, and she forced herself to listen to his stories about several painting adventures he'd had as a kid. As he talked, his face softened, and the change in his voice surprised her. It was as if the Evan Lorne she'd known disappeared, leaving this amazingly sensitive guy behind. Then, he turned to her. "What about you? What did your family do?"

"Oh, it's just my dad and me." She shrugged. "My mom passed away a couple years ago. But, growing up, I was always in school. I skipped three grades, went to college early, had a bachelor's degree before eighteen, and generally spent my time with books. Mom crocheted, though, and I have one of her tablecloths and a bedspread that she made."

He nodded. "So that's why you started to crochet?"

"Yeah. And it calms my mind. Helps me to think."

"I know what you mean." He cleaned another brush and picked up a palette knife to start adding white caps to the waves. "That's how I feel when I paint."

Jennifer walked toward the end of the pier, letting the wind blow in her hair as she tried to figure out exactly how to settle the awkwardness between them. It hadn't been there before, and she knew her thoughts and actions yesterday had changed her. Made her see things as they should have been. She sighed. "I almost kissed Ronon yesterday."

The scrape of the palette knife on the canvas stopped suddenly. Evan stayed quiet for so long that she turned around. He stared at her. "You did what?"

She shivered at the low anger in his voice. "During the quarantine." She nodded at his scowl. "Yeah. It was a mistake. But I didn't know what was happening with us. I mean, we haven't really talked since. . .and I just thought. . . . Anyway, it was a mistake. And. . . ." Her voice trailed off as Evan slowly wiped the paint from the palette knife and walked toward her.

He studied her face closely, his eyes flashing through so many different emotions that she couldn't name them all. "And you're telling me because. . . ?"

Jennifer lifted her chin. "Because you deserve to know." Her voice wobbled. "And because. . .I mean. . . ."

By now, he was so close she could touch him without fully extending her arm. He nodded. "I understand. We're friends."

"What if I want more?" she whispered.

Evan's face showed the impact of her words. He blinked, and his eyes shifted from anger and hurt to something lighter. Hope. He opened his mouth a couple of times and finally spoke. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." This time, she said it without hesitation, without worrying about what he'd say or do when she told him the truth.

Evan reached up to touch her face, his fingers leaving hot trails along her skin. Rather than saying anything, he leaned in and kissed her. Jennifer stepped closer, feeling his arms go around her waist and pull her to him. Unfortunately, her craft bag stopped her. Without breaking the kiss, Evan briskly grabbed the bag, pulled it free, and tossed it toward his easel.

For the next several minutes, they stood in each others arms, trading kisses and not saying anything. Jennifer breathed in his scent and smiled. He smelled of oil paints with a vague hint of turpentine, a trace of soap underlying it all. When he pulled away, he tucked her against his chest, and she smiled. This was where she belonged. In this moment, she decided to forget about Ronon, about Gary, about any other man. Then, she smiled. "Red paint."

Evan bent his head to look at her. "What?"

"When you came into the infirmary after hitting the wall." She touched a smudge of dried white paint on his shirt front. "You had red paint on you. I remember wondering why."

He smiled ruefully. "Yeah. I, ah. . .threw a temper tantrum."

She lifted her head to stare at him. "With paints?"

"Yeah."

She blinked. "I've never had anyone tell me they threw a temper tantrum with paints."

"Get used to it." He gave her a quick kiss. "It's a hazard of dating an artist."

Jennifer smiled even as her heart pounded a little harder in her chest. "So we're dating, now?"

"I'd like to be." He sobered, but the sparkle never left his eyes. "Jenn, there are so many things I'd love to tell you right now, but we're not ready for them. Let's just say that I think you're amazing and that you take my breath away. Why wouldn't I want to keep you all to myself?"

She stared at him. "I'm not very good at. . .you know. . .relationships."

"No one is." He smiled. "At least, not with the relationships that are worthwhile."

Jennifer wanted to tell him all the reasons she wasn't good at this. She wanted to explain that she knew from experience, that she'd had this chance before and failed. Instead, she laid her head back on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Before long, she felt like talking. "His name was Gary."

Evan stiffened. "Sorry?"

She moved so that she could swipe away a tear that formed suddenly. "We met just after I entered med school. I was young, and he was. . .well. . .experienced. Older. Things got heated right away, and we spent a lot of time together.

"But it wasn't like this." She lifted her head again, this time looking at Evan and motioning between them. "When we were. . .together, it was all about him. What movie he wanted to watch. Which restaurant he wanted to eat at. When he wanted to. . .you know. . . . Anyway, I found out, later, that he was married. Had been married the whole time we were together. I was just the girl on the side, the one he could use. And, when I confronted him about it, he told me I was blond and stupid. What else could I be used for?"

Evan stepped back, but not out of anger. He took her face between his hands and waited until she looked him in the eye. "You're beautiful. You're brilliant, smarter than I will ever be. And you're not to be used. You're to be cherished."

Jennifer tried to smile, but her tears clouded her vision. "I'm sorry. I just. . .thought you should know about it. Why I hate the nickname 'Jenny' and why I'm sometimes a little unsure of myself. And why I didn't just tell you about how I feel about you from the start. And why-"

He silenced her with a kiss. She leaned into him, enjoying how easily he settled into this relationship. When he pulled back, he smiled wryly. "Well, you don't have to worry about restaurants. There's not many around here."

She laughed, grateful for his joke. Then, she touched the paint on his shirt. "Are you going to finish your painting?"

"Ah. . .maybe." He grinned. "Are you going to continue distracting me?"

"Not if I can take that one home." Then, she realized what she'd said, and her eyes widened. "I mean, if you've got someone you were going to give it to, that's fine. I just meant. . . ." She glared when he started laughing.

"Sorry." He grinned. "You're cute when you're embarrassed." Then, he sobered. "No, I wasn't planning to give it to anyone."

Jennifer wondered if her smile could get any bigger as Evan returned to his canvas. She spied the lawn chair he'd set up and grabbed her craft bag. Fifteen minutes later, he turned to find her slouched in the chair, sleeping with her hands resting in the tangled yarn on her lap. He chuckled and returned to his work, adding the her form to the painting, looking out to sea as the wind whipped her blond hair around her face.

Several hours later, he added the finishing touches. He glanced around, noticing that Jenn had changed position slightly but hadn't stirred. He wondered how she could sleep in that position. Then, he frowned. Just how much sleep had she missed lately?

Evan glanced at the painting, a smile forming as he thought about her impulsive request to take it home. Even if he'd been painting it for someone else, her request would have sent him on a mission to find another scene for the other person. And seeing her stand at the end of the pier, arms wrapped around her waist, and hair blowing in the wind had sealed the image in his mind. He wouldn't forget that scene anytime soon.

After cleaning his brushes and packing his supplies to take back to his quarters, he moved to Jennifer's side and studied her. She slept so soundly that he wondered if he should wake her. Their discussion had been emotional, and she'd looked tired when she first arrived on the pier. Did he want to disturb her when she obviously needed her rest?

His stomach made the decision for him. Evan grinned. He may have been a gentleman, but he'd been out on the pier since sunrise, painting. He hadn't even taken the time to eat breakfast. He squatted beside the chair and touched one of her hands still tangled in the yarn. "Jenn."

She scowled but otherwise ignored him.

He chuckled. "Jenn," he said, a little more forcefully. When that didn't work, he frowned. He'd carried her to her quarters once already. Should he do that again?

Jennifer shifted in the seat, and her head finally fell forward. Evan pulled back quickly to avoid getting head butted. She blinked owlishly at her hands and then at him. He decided right then that he wanted to see her wake up more often. She lost the worries that she carried during the day and looked more innocent than he'd ever seen her. "Evan?"

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty."

"Shut up." She blinked a few more times and let out a jaw-popping yawn. "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Don't be." Evan helped her to her feet and watched while she packed her supplies. "I enjoyed the company. But I've been out here since dawn, and it's. . . ." He checked his watch. ". . . .three in the afternoon."

She started to comment but caught sight of the painting. He watched the expressions cross her face as she walked to it. He admitted it was one of his best works. The ocean and sky blended perfectly, with sharp white caps rushing to meet the rocks he'd added in lieu of the end of the pier. Then, off to one side, Jennifer stood with her back to them, arms pulled in tight, wearing a light pink sweater and jeans. Her hair flowed in the breeze. The scene was surreal, stark, lonely, and beautiful. The real Jennifer turned to him. "You added me? It was fine without me."

"You haven't looked in the mirror lately, have you?" He stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, holding her against him. In that moment, Evan was happier than he'd ever been since coming to Atlantis.

~TBC


	17. Harmony And Discord

Over the next week, Evan and Jenn settled into a routine. Most mornings, he appeared at her door for coffee. They sat and talked about their plans for the day and usually made tentative plans for that evening. If Evan wasn't off world or Jenn wasn't in the infirmary, they shared dinner or a movie. Jennifer relearned the difficulty of allowing Evan to go through the gate. She always worried about Atlantis's personnel when they went off world, but she now struggled to keep her mind focused during Evan's first trip through the gate after their day on the pier. Every time the infirmary doors opened, she looked for him to walk through, telling her everything was okay. When he did finally walk through, he winked surreptitiously and told her everything was okay while keeping up the façade of friendship.

Jenn found she liked the secret. Not that they didn't openly flirt with each other. If his team saw them in the mess hall, they usually didn't get much privacy. Coughlin and Reed accepted her, and Jenn appreciated that. And, two days after revealing her heart to him, he appeared at her door, carrying the finished painting. Jennifer helped him hang it on the one large wall in her quarters, loving how it hovered over her desk with such elegance. For such a stark, lonely painting, it warmed her heart.

A week after the quarantine, Jennifer received word that she was needed off world at a clinic. And that Evan's team would escort her. He appeared in the infirmary as she packed for yet another clinic. "Hey, Doc."

"Hey, yourself." She smiled when he backed her into a secluded corner for a quick kiss. "You're my escort?"

"Is there a problem with that?" His eyes sparkled as he teased her.

"No." She gently pushed him away to continue packing, smile in place. "It's just that Colonel Sheppard usually accompanies me to this particular planet."

"Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay are off world, escorting a new queen on a rite of passage or some such thing." Evan shrugged. "You're stuck with me."

She drew herself up to her full height. "That means I get to order you and your team around."

He grinned, but Marie interrupted them, putting an end to the flirting. Jennifer finished packing and approached the gate with trepidation. Her last two trips off world hadn't gone too well. First, she wound up spending the night hunted by Bola Kai. Then, she contracted a deadly neurotoxin that she still hadn't figured out how to counteract. That wasn't good odds.

Evan clearly read her hesitation. He hefted one of her bags and gave her an encouraging look. "Don't worry, Doc. You'll be fine."

"I hope so." Jennifer briefly thought about how much she liked the secret nature of their relationship as she stepped through the gate. On the other side, she froze. Instead of the enthusiastic greeting she normally received, complete silence made their voices seem loud. Even the sounds of nature had quieted. She looked at Evan. "Something's wrong."

"Yeah." He tightened his hold on his P90 and nodded to his team. "Coughlin, with me. Reed, cover the doc. We'll be back after we check the village."

Jennifer dropped her bags beside the DHD and wrapped her arms around herself. Something was terribly wrong. She'd been to this world too many times. Even when they fought a Pegasus strain of the flu, the village was noisy, crowded with farmers that lived on the outskirts. The silence unnerved her.

Evan's reaction unnerved her. In the space of a heartbeat, he transformed from the fun, flirtatious guy in the infirmary to hardened, experienced Air Force officer who had seen too much. She marveled that he'd been able to keep that boyish nature of his in spite of everything he'd seen, but she now understood why it rarely made an appearance.

When Evan returned, she knew she wouldn't like the news he brought. His jaw clenched, and he looked slightly pale. "It's completely safe, people-wise. Environmentally, though, is a different story."

"What happened?" Jenn steeled herself for his answer even though she suspected. "They're gone, aren't they? Disappeared, just like the Athosians."

"Ah. . .they're gone." Evan included Coughlin and Reed in that statement. "But not like the Athosians."

"Oh, God, not again," Reed groaned.

Jenn looked between the three men. "What?"

Evan faced her, clearly not happy with what he needed to tell her. "I'm sorry, Doc. They're all dead."

Jennifer felt the blood drain from her face. "Dead? How?"

"Looks like they. . .killed. . .everything." For someone as confident in the field as Evan, even the truth shocked him. He stepped toward her. "Look, Doc, it's probably best if we get you back to Atlantis. We can send a team back in hazmat to process the scene."

"Wait." Jenn backed away from him, knowing that he'd urge her toward the gate if he touched her. "You say they killed everything? Even the animals?" When he nodded, she scowled. "You're thinking it was that neurotoxin."

"Yeah."

"The one that nearly killed me." She drew herself up to her full height. "If that's what this is, then it's likely we've all been exposed. And I didn't feel the change until a few hours later. Let me do what I can now. We can have a hazmat team standing by to take over when we're restrained." He hesitated, and she touched his arm. "Please, Evan. I need to know what happened."

He stared at her, clearly torn between wanting to give her what she wanted and needing to get her back to Atlantis. Finally, he nodded. "Okay. Coughlin, Reed, you've got the gate. Let us know if anyone or anything comes through."

Jennifer held Evan's gaze. "Thank you."

He simply nodded and hefted her two bags. She followed him down the familiar trail, dread filling her stomach and making her regret the quick danish she'd barely had time to eat for breakfast. At the edge of the village, she stopped and simply stared.

Bodies littered the area. Evan stood next to her, his eyes on her face. She shook her head, speechless. Even children had been mutilated. Tears filled her eyes, but she blinked them back. She couldn't lose it. Not now. Not when they needed her.

All her resolve crumbled when she noticed the body of a little girl next to a house. She walked to the girl's side, seeing the horror on the little face and the doll the girl clutched to her chest. She gently took the doll from the small hands and cried as she remembered. She'd been there when Mara received the doll. It had been given to her by her mother, who sewed it while her daughter slept off a severe case of the flu. Mara loved that doll.

In that moment, Jennifer's control deserted her, and she cried.

oOo

Evan stood next to the porch as Jennifer wept over the body of a murdered little girl. With all the destruction around him, he wasn't sure where to turn first. But Jennifer clearly knew this girl. And that broke his heart.

He stepped up on the porch and touched her shoulder. "Hey."

She looked up briefly, tears running down her face. "Her name was Mara." She stood, staring at the doll. "I watched her mother make this doll, hoping her daughter would live to play with it. Mara loved it. She always had it with her."

He slid his hand under her hair and around her neck. "Come here."

She let him pull her into his arms. Evan held her close, ignoring the way his P90 jabbed into his chest or the awkwardness of his TAC vest. She needed the comfort right then. Finally, when she lifted her head, she glared at him. "I'm going to figure this out, Evan. So help me, I'll figure this out. And when I find whoever did this. . . ."

"I know." He wished he could explain just how deeply he felt the anger. He'd seen his first village wiped out by this neurotoxin only after Jennifer had succumbed to the toxin. He refused to go through that again.

She stepped back and out of his arms, wiping her face as she did so. "Okay. Um. . .we need to collect blood samples, soil, water, everything we can to figure out where this comes from." She looked at him, the pain in her eyes dulling as experience took over. "Will you help me?"

Evan nodded and listened as she explained the process. He watched her from the corner of his eye as she collected blood samples. She knew many of these people. He saw it in the way she cried over the children and spoke a few words to the adults. The absolute rage on their faces didn't dull her grief. She saw past it and remembered the people they had been. That level of compassion and depth surprised him. If possible, he fell a little more in love with her right there in the middle of the carnage.

The morbid irony of that struck him, and he sighed. He'd have nightmares after this village. He knew they'd come, and he knew she'd come to him as well. Evan shook his head, not sure exactly how to handle this. Their relationship was so new to both of them, and he found worrying about someone else both thrilling and a weighty responsibility.

Movement to his right brought his head up, and he gripped his P90. Something was out there, and he refused to let it threaten Jennifer. She clearly saw him tense, saw the way he lifted his weapon to fight off whatever may come. Instead of an animal or a monster, however, a boy stepped out of a house. Around thirteen years old, he was pale and shaking. He looked at Evan and then at Jenn. "Healer?"

Jenn stood. "Coran?"

The boy glanced at Mara. "Oh. . . ." He rushed to her side, crying loudly as he held her.

Jenn moved to Evan's side. "Coran is Mara's brother." Her voice was stable, and she sounded as if she had a firm grip on her emotions. "Question is, why isn't he dead?"

oOo

"I don't ever want to hear you mention it again!" Sheppard ordered as he stepped through the gate. He was tired, hungry, irritated, and ready to kick off his boots. After traipsing through the woods after a spoiled brat, he didn't want to listen to McKay gloat about how the little teen queen, Harmony, thought the physicist had saved the day. Again.

Carter came down the steps. "Colonel. Doctor."

"Coronation complete, and honors done." Sheppard smiled. "What's happening here?"

Carter smiled slightly at his brisk debrief and glanced between the two. "Well, Major Lorne and Dr. Keller are off world right now. We just got word that they found another village hit by that neurotoxin. We're waiting for word as to whether they found something or not."

Sheppard frowned. "And no one else is with them?"

"I sent Marie through about thirty minutes ago, in hazmat and with the equipment to test them for the neurotoxin." Carter shrugged. "If the tests come back clean, they'll be allowed back on the city. If not, they'll come back in isolation."

Sheppard held up a hand, not entirely sure what to say. He wasn't angry at any one person, just the world in general. "We nearly lost Keller and Coughlin last time they came in contact with this toxin."

"I know." Carter nodded. "Let's hope we don't have to face that risk again."

Sheppard wanted to rant. Instead, he gave her a quick nod and headed toward the infirmary. He vaguely heard McKay say something to Sam about a nice coronation and wonderful honor, but he ignored him. His second-in-command was in danger. And, for some reason, he couldn't stop the irritation that welled up after dealing with Harmony. Why did life always do this to him?

An hour later, after a quick meal and a shower, Sheppard walked back into the control room in time to see the wormhole establish. He stood next to Chuck, waiting for some information.

Carter glanced over. "We're about to receive an update, Colonel."

"Oh." Sheppard nodded. "Good."

The video feed came on, and Lorne looked at the camera. "Colonel Carter."

"Major, what's your status?"

"Well, we're all clean." Lorne's words sent a ripple of relief through the control room. "Soil, air, and water are also clean. Doc thinks this is some sort of chemical attack that she hasn't been able to pinpoint yet. Thing is, we have a survivor, and Dr. Keller wants to bring him back to Atlantis."

Sheppard stepped forward. "A survivor?"

"Yes, Sir." Lorne nodded. "A thirteen year old boy who saw the whole thing but hid. Doc's concerned because his blood work shows no signs of the neurotoxin. She thinks he might be the key to unraveling this whole mystery."

Sheppard stared at the screen. His people were safe. That's what mattered. He glanced at Carter and received a nod in response to his unspoken question. "Bring them home, Major."

"Yes, Sir." Lorne disconnected the video feed, and the wormhole shut down. Sheppard let out a deep breath. None of his people were sick or would be sick. Now, if they could figure out the cause of this neurotoxin that kept killing allies, he'd be a happy man.

~TBC


	18. Outcast

"Healer, what is happening to me?" The scared teenager in the isolation room stared as Keller walked through the door. Sheppard watched from above as she smiled and tried to reassure the kid.

"We're not sure," she said. "That's what we're here to find out."

Beside Sheppard, Teyla let out a deep breath. "John, I knew these people. I am the one who introduced them to Dr. Keller."

"I know." He wanted to reach out to her. Ever since being locked together during the quarantine and feeling her child kick, he'd had this interest that wouldn't let him go. He truly cared about her and her son, wanted to be there for them, wanted to provide whatever they needed.

"Where is Teyla Emmagan?" Coran asked below them, pulling Sheppard from his thoughts. "We have not seen anyone from her world for a long time."

Keller glanced at the observation deck ever so briefly, noting how Teyla pulled away from the edge. "She's okay. Her people have. . .had some. . .difficulties."

Coran nodded once and didn't say anything else.

Sheppard eyed Teyla. "You okay?"

"I am fine." She sighed. "I did not know his family well."

Below them, Keller kept talking. "Can you tell us what happened?"

Coran nodded but stayed silent. After a few moments, Keller reached out and touched his hand. The teenager started talking, his voice cracking. "They were all so mad."

"They were sick," Keller said softly.

"I didn't know what to do." Coran stared at her, clearly drawing from the compassion he sensed from her. "My mother and father. . . . They just yelled at everything. Then, everyone else started yelling and fighting and grabbing weapons. Mara was crying and screaming, holding her doll. I hid. I hid, and she died!"

Keller touched the boy's shoulder as he cried. Sheppard watched, trying to hide the concern he felt. It sounded like Lorne's description of their last encounter with this neurotoxin. Sudden rage followed by chaos.

Unable to keep watching, Teyla turned to the door and left. Sheppard watched her go, knowing he should probably go after her. With the Athosians missing and another ally decimated by this neurotoxin, Teyla struggled more than ever. But she wasn't his to worry about. Not personally, anyway. She'd chosen a man from her people, and he would always be simply her commanding officer. Sheppard had come to realize that he wanted more than that.

He also left the observation deck, knowing that Keller recorded everything that went on in the isolation room. With Coughlin and another security team member in there, she would be perfectly safe. Sheppard intended to find Teyla and assure her that they would find her people.

He found Ronon, instead. "Hey, big guy."

"Hey." Ronon fell into step beside him. "You going to movie night tonight?"

"Maybe," Sheppard answered distractedly. "What are they showing?"

"_Blades of Glory_." Ronon frowned. "I watched it last night. There was hardly any fighting."

"That's 'cause it's not about fighting." Sheppard changed his mind and headed for his quarters. He didn't want to overwhelm Teyla, and Ronon seemed irritated.

"Then why's it called _Blades of Glory_?" Ronon asked.

" 'Cause it's about. . .skate blades." Sheppard scowled. How did he explain the attraction of Olympic figure skating to Ronon when he didn't understand it himself?

"And this is a real sport?" Ronon sounded incredulous. "Men and women dancing around on ice?"

"Unfortunately."

"You're planet's weird."

"Mmm, you can say that again."

The conversation would have continued in Sheppard's quarters while the two men shared a beer, but Carter found them first. Her news changed Sheppard's plans for the next week and served to anger him further. His father had died. Without ever contacting him again. That, combined with the crisis they currently faced, put him in a bad mood as he packed. Rodney even came, trying to be sympathetic. While John appreciated the gesture, he didn't want to talk to Rodney. He didn't want to even see anyone. But, somehow, he appreciated Ronon's loyalty when the Satedan walked through the gate to face an Earth custom he didn't understand.

oOo

Jenn walked out of the isolation room, her emotions barely intact. She'd tried to explain the neurotoxin to Coran, but all she'd been able to say was that his people were sick. What kind of explanation was that when the boy saw his parents go into a murderous rage?

Not surprisingly, Evan waited for her in the observation deck. She walked right into his arms, not really caring who might see them. As he held her, she listened to his heartbeat and tried to draw strength from it. They'd only been together for a week, but she already knew she'd find herself struggling if he wasn't there. Just having the feel of his arms around her stabilized her emotions.

Early the next morning, she discovered another reason she wanted to keep him around. It was the little things with Evan. The hug after talking to Coran. The hand on the shoulder as she worked. The listening ear. And the coffee. Jenn smelled the coffee before he even reached the door to her office. She'd spent the night working, desperately trying to figure out why Coran had survived and his village had not. She suspected he'd hidden while his body fought off the neurotoxin, but she had no proof. Not yet. She was close to a breakthrough, and her exhaustion kept her from focusing. So, when Evan showed up with fresh coffee from her private stash, she nearly kissed him in front of the entire infirmary.

He grinned as he set one travel mug on her desk. "I kinda broke into your quarters," he said by way of explanation.

Jenn returned the grin. "You brought coffee. I won't complain."

"I hope it's made right." He dropped onto her couch, sipping from the travel mug he'd clearly brought from his quarters.

She took a sip and smiled. A little too much creamer, but who cared. "It's coffee. And it's good."

"Hey, have you slept?"

"I napped for a bit on one of the beds." She sat back in her chair, closing her eyes and savoring another sip of coffee. "For the record, I'm turning you into a criminal. First, lying to your CO. Now, breaking and entering."

He grinned again, and his eyes sparkled. "Ah. . .that's the effect you have on me." He sobered quickly. "Have you found anything?"

"Some." She shook her head. "I'm just not sure what to make of it, yet. For right now, I know that Coran doesn't have any of the neurotoxin in his blood stream. All the other villagers did. Even his sister. But, based on what I can tell from the pictures we took, none of the children were affected. They seem to be victims of the adults' rage. I'm not sure why. The youngest person affected by the neurotoxin was twelve. I think it has something to do with puberty, but I'm not entirely sure.

"And this is different from the one that infected me and Coughlin." She pulled up a screen on her laptop. "That one caused our hypothalamus to release oxytocin, vasopressin, and corticotropin-releasing hormones. Those hormones triggered the overload in our pituitary gland. That process, combined with adrenaline, created the rage. This one is different.

"This toxin triggered an overload of epinephrine, norepinephrine, and dopamine levels." She frowned. "They cause the same type rage, but it's different hormones. And I'm trying to figure out why that overload didn't affect Coran, who is thirteen and within the age range of those affected."

Jenn looked at Evan, but he stared at her blankly. After a moment, he blinked. "What?"

She chuckled. "You're not even listening to me, are you?"

"I was listening." He looked sheepish, knowing he was caught. "I just have no idea what you said."

"Right." She gave him an indignant look. "We're dating, and you can't even listen for a few minutes?"

"You're hot when you go into geek speak?" he tried again.

Jenn let him off the hook with a laugh. "Keep digging. You might get out of that hole eventually." She turned back to the computer screen, the distraction of flirting with Evan having cleared her head. "You know, this is interesting. . . ."

"What?" he asked. This time, he sounded sincere.

"I'm not sure." She scowled. "But. . .That's interesting." She turned to him. "I've gotta go. There's something I need to ask Teyla about, and it might be related to the neurotoxin."

"And it is. . .?"

"ADHD."

"What?" he asked again.

Jenn laughed. "I promise I'll explain everything when I have a little more information." She walked over to him and leaned down to give him a quick kiss. "Thanks for the coffee."

"Always." He smiled up at her, standing when she backed away. "Oh, so you know. Sheppard and Ronon are on Earth, and McKay is on M7G-677."

She stopped and turned around. "Why are Sheppard and Ronon on Earth?"

"Sheppard's dad passed away."

"Oh." Jennifer blinked. She hadn't been expecting that answer.

Evan touched her shoulder. "Go talk to Teyla. I'm sure she'll appreciate the company. And get some rest today."

She smiled at his concern. "Is that an order?"

"I can make it one if you need me to," he said with a grin.

"No, I think I'll be able to rest after I talk to Teyla."

They parted ways for the day. Evan headed for his office and the duties of keeping Sheppard's chair warm. Jenn found Teyla meditating and decided to get breakfast instead of interrupting the Athosian. When Teyla entered the mess hall twenty minutes later, Jenn motioned her over. The two women spent the next couple of hours talking about Teyla's pregnancy, the neurotoxin, ADHD, and their relationships. When she finally crawled into bed around noon, Jenn sighed. With a little rest and a little luck, she hoped to solve this mystery by sundown.

~TBC

**Author's Note:** So, I know this chapter is a little shorter than normal, but, given what's coming, I couldn't really add anything to it. Next one up, tomorrow. ;) Hope you enjoyed. ~lg


	19. Antidote

**Author's Note:** As always, I hope the scientific information is right. I'm stuck with what I can pull of the Internet. And, as always, hope you enjoy this chapter. ~lg

oOo

Sheppard and Ronon returned to Atlantis quietly. Through the twenty-four hour quarantine at Midway, the Satedan had not spoken more than ten sentences. John appreciated that level of understanding, but he couldn't wait to get back into the thick of things on Atlantis. He missed the bustle and danger of the city. His brother had once accused him of being an adrenaline junkie, and John had to admit Dave was right. So, walking through the gate as Keller came rushing into the control room suited him just fine. He followed the doctor up the stairs and into Carter's office.

"I've got it!" she said breathlessly to Atlantis's commander.

Carter blinked at her and then at Sheppard. "Welcome back. I saw the wormhole but couldn't get there in time."

Keller flushed. "I'm sorry. I should have knocked."

"It's okay." Carter turned her attention to the doctor. "What have you found?"

Sheppard wanted to make some sarcastic remark about being underappreciated, but he needed to know what Keller had found as badly as anyone else. He dropped his bag beside the door and settled into one of Carter's chairs. Carter paged Lorne, McKay, and Teyla to her office. When those three arrived, Sheppard narrowed his eyes. Lorne smiled at Keller a little too long, and she flushed under his gaze. Then, he looked at Teyla, who had clearly seen the unspoken exchange.

Keller went over to the video screen and loaded a flash drive. The image of a chemical compound appeared. "This is the chemical composition of the neurotoxin we found on Coran's planet." She pushed a button on a remote, which opened up another window beside the first. "This is the chemical composition of a common Earth medication."

"Oh my God!" McKay exclaimed. "They're almost identical."

"Which is why I did a few more tests on Coran." Keller faced the room. "He has ADHD."

"Well, that makes sense." McKay stood and walked over to the screen, talking as he did so. "If Coran has ADHD, then the neurotoxin would have acted as a treatment instead of a toxin."

Ronon sat forward. "AD-what?"

"ADHD." McKay motioned with one hand. "It's, um, like-"

"Like McKay," Sheppard quipped.

"Oh, ha-ha."

Keller interrupted their friendly banter. "ADHD-Attention Deficit, Hyperactive Disorder-is a hormonal imbalance, primarily in children. It causes hyperactivity, problems with behavior, and trouble learning. Most of the time, doctors treat it by administering Ritalin or some other amphetamine which stimulates epinephrine, norepinephrine and adrenaline levels in the brain.

"Which is exactly what this neurotoxin did." She pointed at the screen. "Coran's body treated the neurotoxin as a treatment for his ADHD, not as a toxin that causes rage."

"Wait, I thought you said the neurotoxin caused spikes in different hormones." Carter shook her head. "Why the difference?"

"Because it's a different neurotoxin." Keller shrugged. "The one that infected me and Coughlin broke down in our bodies, causing high temperatures and hypertension. This one doesn't break down naturally. But it does have similar markers."

"Meaning?" Sheppard asked.

"Meaning the same person made both of them." Keller cleared the screen. "I believe our exposure the first time was an accident. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Since we had no understanding of it at that time, we didn't know what to look for. And whoever created it clearly wanted it to last longer than a few hours, not to mention to be more lethal."

Lorne looked at her with a strange expression on his face. "That first one was plenty lethal."

Sheppard watched the byplay between the two. Something was definitely happening. Keller held Lorne's gaze for a moment too long before she nodded. "It was plenty lethal, but we all pulled through it. And, if those infected had been restrained, they probably would have, as well. This second one, though, is different. It would have kept affecting its victims until they either killed everyone else, was killed by someone, or died from the effects of that much adrenaline on their systems."

Carter let the silence stretch for a few moments. Then, she looked at Keller. "Can you work with this?"

"Yes." Keller nodded. "With this information, I can create an antidote for someone exposed. Unfortunately, though, I don't know about a cure. That could get tricky at best, and we would have no idea of which planet would be hit next."

"So you think these are deliberate attacks on our allies?" Teyla asked.

"I don't know about our allies," Keller replied, "but they were deliberate attacks. We've done soil, air, and water samples, and they've all come back clean. I believe it's an aerosolized attack that dissipates after so long in the environment. But, once it encounters a person's blood stream, it binds itself to the neurotransmitters in the blood stream and begins to stimulate the pituitary gland and hypothalamus to produce these hormones."

"And what about Coran?"

"He's got the toxin in his blood stream, and he'll probably have it all his life." Keller chuckled, though Sheppard began to see the exhaustion on her face. "I didn't recognize it at first. With the way this toxin works, it acted as something of a cure for his ADHD. He shouldn't have to worry about it killing him, and since it produces the hormones his body needs, he should be okay. My biggest concern for Coran is his psychological health. He watched his parents go ballistic on everyone and everything. Including his sister."

Lorne let out a deep breath. "Yeah, and this thing seems to affect only adults."

McKay stared. "Which means. . . ."

Ronon completed the statement. "All those children were killed by their parents and village friends."

This time, no one seemed eager to break the silence that settled over the office. Sheppard watched the reactions of the people around him. Keller and Lorne obviously knew this and had processed their own reactions. McKay looked ready to hurl. Teyla wrapped her arms protectively around her unborn child, and Carter stared at her desk. Ronon appeared ready to kill someone. Anyone. As long as they were responsible for this.

Keller finally broke the silence. "I know Coran can't stay here, but I was hoping Ronon would talk with him."

Sheppard blinked. "Why?"

"Shared experience."

Ronon sat back. "Uh. . .I don't know what to say. But I can give him some way to work out the anger."

Sheppard nodded once. "Just take it easy on the kid, Chewie."

Carter let out a deep breath. "I'll start contacting some of our allies, see if anyone is willing to take him in. In the meantime, we need to work on that antidote. I don't want to be caught flatfooted again."

Keller accepted that order with a nod and excused herself. Sheppard followed her a few moments later, falling into step with Lorne. "Things have been quiet, Major?"

"Yes, Sir." Lorne went to his office, and Sheppard left the man alone. The revelations, combined with his own family's loss, made him want to be alone. He turned toward the mess hall and finally ate a bite before heading to his quarters.

Only a few minutes after arriving at his quarters, someone requested entry. Sheppard opened his door to see Teyla standing there, holding his duffel bag.

She offered him his luggage. "You left this in Colonel Carter's office."

"Thanks." Sheppard stared at her.

"I'm sorry, John." She struggled for words for a moment. "For your father. I know what that feels like."

Sheppard nodded, not entirely sure what to say or do. Teyla had no problems, however. She stepped forward and hugged him. John settled his arms around her, feeling her child move between them, and smiled. He cared about this woman, and he wanted to see her safe. Her missing people and the father of her child had changed them, but his love for her had not changed. And, right now, he needed her close. As they stood in the door of his quarters, he ignored his misgivings and simply accepted the comfort she offered.

oOo

Late that night, Evan woke to the sound of someone requesting entrance at his quarters. He blinked at the hour. Two AM. Who would be wanting to see him at this hour? Unless. . . . He smiled when he saw Jennifer, still in her uniform with her hair tousled around her face. "Hey, come in."

She waited for the door to close behind her and walked into his arms, snuggling her face into the front of his t-shirt. "Sorry. I needed a hug."

"That's what I'm here for." He liked this version of her, all soft and unsure and willing to ignore social conventions. "What happened?"

She shrugged. "Dreams."

"Want to talk?"

"No."

Evan chuckled at her sleepy admission and simply held her. When he felt her drifting, he led her to the couch. "How long have you been up?"

"Long enough to walk from the infirmary here." She rolled her shoulders. "I fell asleep at my desk."

"Ouch." He settled on the couch and pulled her down next to him. She curled her feet up onto the couch and made herself comfortable on his shoulder.

Just when he thought she'd fallen asleep, she spoke. "I'm close to the antidote, but I keep thinking about Mara. She was so young and so afraid. I know how she felt. I felt it when we went to New Athos."

He heard the tears in her voice, knew when they started. "You're helping hundreds of other Maras by creating this antidote."

"I know," she whimpered. "But it doesn't help the original Mara. Not one bit."

Evan held Jennifer while she cried. This time, instead of fighting him, she let him comfort her. When she finally fell asleep, he carefully slipped out from beneath her. She shifted at the change in position, but she never woke up. He smiled at how her hair swirled around her head and found an extra blanket to cover her. She'd probably be embarrassed that she'd awakened in his quarters, but he refused to worry. Content that she was safe, he dressed and left long enough to gather a few supplies. Then, he spent the rest of the night listening to her even breathing as he allowed himself to dream.

oOo

Jenn woke slowly, feeling disoriented and unsure of her surroundings. She smelled coffee and heard someone puttering around in the room. Why would anyone putter in her quarters? And why was she sleeping on the couch and not on her bed? She cracked her eyes and suddenly remembered.

She'd fallen asleep in the infirmary, at a workstation. The dreams of the Bola Kai had returned, this time adding Mara to the mix. Jenn had fought with everything in her and had been unable to escape, unable to save the child. When she awoke close to tears, she'd run to the one place where she was safe enough to cry. Evan. And he'd held her until she slept.

Jenn opened her eyes and was rewarded with a grin from behind a small canvas. Evan stood still while she sat up. "Good morning, Beautiful."

She snorted at his endearment. "Yeah, right." She pushed her hair from her face. "I know what I look like."

"Apparently not." He went back to his painting, allowing her to sit up. Jenn noticed that he'd removed her shoes and covered her with a light blanket. Her neck hurt from the unfamiliar position, but she'd rested well.

"What time is it?"

He glanced at his watch. "0930." When she panicked, he raised a hand. "Don't worry. I got a call this morning from Dr. Cole. She was hoping you'd slept in since you've been pushing yourself too hard."

Jenn closed her eyes as a blush covered her face. "She knew where to find me?"

"Ah. . .yeah, you kinda made quite an exit from the infirmary rather early this morning." Evan grinned. "From the way Dr. Cole describes it, you weren't truly awake and left only after nearly falling from a stool."

"That sounds about right." She clearly recalled the sensation of falling that had awakened her. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't be." He shrugged. "Sheppard gave me the day off. He did say he has a mission for you tomorrow, though."

She groaned. "Another off world mission?" She stood and walked barefoot to his side, propping her chin on his shoulder as he worked. "It's pretty," she said of the small sunrise as seen through the window."

He shrugged. "Well, I needed something to keep me busy, and I wasn't sure how you'd take it if I painted you."

Jenn smiled at him and moved to help herself to the coffee he'd made. She raised an eyebrow. "Breaking into my quarters again?"

"Guilty as charged." His eyes sparkled. "I know you have work, but take a few minutes to enjoy a cup."

"I plan to." Jenn prepared her coffee and carried it back to his side. Later that day, she needed to return to the antidote, but right now was perfect. She watched as he painted, not really talking. Later, when she did make her way to the infirmary, she did so with a smile on her face.

Late that night, after hours of work, Jenn finished the antidote. With the computers running simulations, she headed for her quarters. She had a mission the next day with Colonel Sheppard's team. She needed to be in top condition for that. She fell asleep thinking about Evan's smile when she awoke that morning and knew she'd found the right guy for her life.

~TBC


	20. Trio

"I'm no Ronon," McKay stated firmly. "I'm not gonna be on the cover of _Shape_ magazine any time soon."

Jennifer glanced at Carter and grinned quietly. McKay should have said he was no Lorne, rather than Ronon. After all, Jenn knew that her secret boyfriend could run circles around the physicist without breaking a sweat.

The thought of Evan made her flush slightly. She'd never intended to appear at his door at two AM the other night, but he'd accepted her. Hugged her, even. It made her want to experience that more often. And waking to see those eyes sparkling at her from around the canvas. . . .Who would have thought she'd lose her heart to an artist?

"But I can handle myself in combat," McKay continued, "stand my ground when I need to."

He disappeared.

"Rodney!" Jenn stared at the hole in the ground, her feet already moving forward.

Carter grabbed her arm. "Don't move." When Rodney's groan echoed up to them, Sam nodded. "Get down on your stomach-spread out your weight."

Jennifer carefully dropped onto her stomach, crawling forward. In the hole, McKay lay in the middle of a bunch of crates. He groaned.

"Oh, thank God," Carter said.

Jennifer eyed his position, trying to gauge his injuries. "Don't move, okay?"

Carter took over the conversation. "We're gonna head back to the gate, try to get some help."

Jenn nodded. "Just try to stay as still as-!" Her words cut off into a scream as the ground beneath her disappeared. Jenn landed on Rodney and wondered if she'd be able to get out of this one.

oOo

Evan walked through the gate already planning his after-action report. He'd had better missions. As Reed limped off to the infirmary after falling into a snake hole, he gave Sheppard an exasperated look. Sometimes, Murphy's Law struck even when Jennifer was nowhere around.

At the thought of her, Evan shook his head. Having her stay in his quarters the other night, keeping watch and listening to her breathe, had done something to him. He'd suddenly understood what men everywhere found so attractive about spending their lives with a single woman. Jenn evoked more than protective instinct. She tugged until she revealed the heart of who he was.

With Reed kicking back in the infirmary, Evan finished his post-mission physical and headed back to the control room. Sheppard waited for him. "What happened out there?"

Evan shook his head. "Murphy's Law happened. Before we even made it to the village, Reed found a snake hole and sprained his ankle. Then, the villagers came to meet us, telling us that their leaders were on a hunt and not available for negotiating any kind of trade had we been able to get there."

Sheppard nodded. "That's too bad."

"Yeah." Evan looked around. "So, what's happening here?"

"Well, the people of M5V-801 decided to present a list of demands that have to be satisfied before they'll move." Sheppard shrugged. "Carter took McKay and Keller back through the gate to negotiate with them. They've been gone about two hours now."

"Oh." Evan headed for his office. "Think the villagers will listen?"

"I don't know." Sheppard would have said more, but the gate activated right then. He walked back into the control room. "Who is it?"

Chuck glanced up. "It's Dr. Keller. We're receiving a radio transmission. 

"Atlantis, come in!" Jennifer sounded tired with an edge of desperation. "Atlantis, this is Dr. Keller, please respond."

Sheppard glanced at Evan before pressing the button on the computer. "We read you, Doc. What's going on?"

"We need you to send a rescue team through the gate with a Jumper."

Sheppard blinked at Keller's response. "Why?"

"Well, we kind of. . .fell into a mine, and Colonel Carter's leg is broken." She paused, and Evan could imagine her shrugging. "We made it out and convinced the villagers to move their settlement. But the colonel needs medical attention very soon."

"Hang in there, Doc. We're on our way." Sheppard turned to Evan. "Gear up. You and Coughlin are with me."

"Yes, Sir." Evan touched his earwig and called for Coughlin, thankful Sheppard hadn't tried to make him stay behind. Falling into a mine caused many kinds of injuries, and Jenn wasn't the type to admit her own pain when someone else needed medical attention. He raced to the armory and grabbed a TAC vest. Jenn sounded okay, but she was good at putting on a brave face.

In the Jumper bay, Evan and Coughlin joined Cole, Sheppard, and Ronon. They flew through the gate, scouring the path to the settlement. They found Jenn giving a field a wide berth. Sheppard lowered the Jumper enough that she could jump aboard, and she gave them easy directions to the settlement. Through the short flight, Evan eyed her. She looked okay.

At the settlement, Jenn led them to a small wood house. Colonel Carter sat with her leg propped on some crude pillows, enjoying Rodney's attention. Or maybe not. Evan grinned at the relieved face the colonel made when they appeared.

McKay jumped to his feet. "Oh, thank God! You made it."

"Yeah, we made it, McKay." Sheppard glanced over everyone. "You okay?"

Carter looked up, cringing. "Never been better."

Evan wanted to snort, but he knew he'd earn a glare from Jenn. And, after she'd been trapped in a Genii mine with McKay, he didn't want to make her mad. As she worked with Dr. Cole to get Carter ready to transport, he watched her. She was dirty, her hair messed up, and her hands bleeding. But she'd never looked more beautiful in his eyes. When Sheppard and Ronon carried Carter's gurney to the Jumper, Evan fell into step beside her. "Hey, what happened?"

"We fell into a Genii mine." She shrugged. "The ceiling collapsed, and we landed thirty feet below on top of a bunch of crates. Took us a little while to figure out how to get out."

"How did you do that?"

"Oh, I fell." She told him the story as they walked to the Jumper. Then, between McKay, Carter, and Jenn, the rescuers pieced together the remainder of the trio's adventure.

Evan fell silent as the story went on. Jenn downplayed her part in the entire thing, but he knew better. When the Genii were involved, they had a habit of complicating things. Even if they weren't physically present. These were the people who had kidnapped his team and others from Atlantis simply for the ATA gene.

He owed McKay. Evan realized that as Jenn and McKay headed for the infirmary after they got back to Atlantis. If McKay had let go of that rope, Jenn would never have come home. That realization impacted his chest, and he nearly stopped breathing. Coughlin eyed him slightly, and Evan forced himself to keep walking. When he could, he disappeared, choosing one of the isolated painting spots he'd found in Atlantis.

He could have lost Jenn that day. Evan didn't quite know how to absorb that. He dropped onto the floor. While he and Jenn had been dating for the last few weeks, he still hadn't told her the entire truth. He'd been so afraid of pushing her away that he glossed over his own emotions. He didn't just care about her. He _loved_ her. He wanted to wake up to her smile, fall asleep to her breathing, hear her voice when he first appeared after a rough mission, eat every meal with her, share coffee every morning, worry about her when she was off world, and so much more. Now that she'd come into his life, he wanted to experience the little moments his mom and dad still shared, the ones that Ellen and her husband shared. He wanted to carry on a conversation without ever saying a word, and he wanted Jenn to be the one on the other side of the table when that happened.

After a long time, Evan pushed himself to his feet. He couldn't wait. He refused to keep this to himself any longer. He left the balcony and headed for the infirmary.

oOo

"Right now, I'm going back to my room, curling up in the fetal position and sleeping for the next three days," McKay said. He'd already commented on wanting to take a bath in the antibiotic ointment the nursing staff had put on his hands.

Jenn sat next to him, feeling so much better now that her own minor injuries had been treated and she'd taken a shower. "Oh, well, not quite yet."

"Hmmm?" McKay blinked at her.

"You owe me a beer from the bar trick thing earlier." She shrugged. "You couldn't figure it out, so. . . ."

"Well, there was no time." He scowled. "I would have figured it out!"

"Yeah, well, eventually _chimps_ would have been able to figure it out," she said, thinking that Evan would say something similar, "but the thing is, _you_ didn't, so I win, and you owe me a beer."

"I don't remember ever agreeing to the beer!" McKay whined.

Jennifer opened her mouth to speak, but a hand landed on her shoulder. She turned to see Evan, who had disappeared when she went to the infirmary after her return. She smiled. "Hey."

"You got a minute?" he asked, glancing at McKay.

"Oh, yeah." She gave Rodney a smile. "The beer will have to wait."

Evan tugged her to her office, and Jenn followed. He seemed particularly intent on something, and she frowned as he closed the door behind them. The office windows didn't dim, but he never glanced at the people watching them. Instead, he took her face in his hands.

"I'm so glad you're here."

Jenn watched the emotions flowing through his eyes. "Evan, are you okay?"

"No." He dropped her face and took a few steps away. "Ah. . .I had all this figured out. And, now, I'm stuck. I just can't get the words to come out."

"Just say it."

"I love you."

Jenn blinked, trying to breathe. Out of everything that Evan could have said at that moment, she hadn't expected that. "What?"

"I mean it." He faced her, his eyes direct and looking very much like the self-assured major that Atlantis knew. "I'm not going to push you, and I don't want you to think you're obligated to me. But I nearly lost you out there today. I didn't even know you were in danger, and that bothers me. You could have died without knowing how I feel. And I would have had to face life without you. I don't know that I can do that anymore."

As he rambled on, Jenn's smile grew. Like any other woman, she'd dreamed of hearing those words. Lately, she'd begun to equate love to Evan, and she liked that he'd actually spoken with her. It meant she didn't have to track him down and figure out what he was thinking. Instead of waiting for him, she decided to shut him up with a kiss.

Evan gladly returned the kiss, his hand going to her head and wrapping into her hair. Jenn closed her eyes and just enjoyed the feel of him. He was right. She could have died. And she was very glad he'd told her that he loved her. It made her feelings easier to sort out.

When he finally ended the kiss, he pressed his forehead against hers. "Your entire infirmary is watching."

"What?" Jenn blinked. Then, she looked around and saw the grins on the faces of her staff and the few patients that had been there. Even Sheppard stood in the background, watching them closely. "There went the secret."

"I don't want secret anymore." He threaded his arms around her and held her close to him. "I kinda like everyone knowing you're unavailable."

Jenn flushed. "I think I can handle that."

"So, what was that about McKay and a beer?"

"Oh, that." She laughed as they left the office. "It was some stupid bar bet Gary taught me, and we thought we could use it to get out of the mine. Didn't work, but I thought I might get a beer out of McKay."

Evan chuckled. "Well, based on the beeline he made out of here, I think you'll have to wait until tomorrow." He lifted his head and shrugged. "Unless you don't mind sharing a drink with someone else."

She smiled. "I'd prefer sharing a drink with you, Major."

"Well, then, Doctor," he said, "lead the way."

oOo

Sheppard watched Lorne and Keller leave the infirmary, arm in arm. He shook his head. He'd come to the infirmary after spotting Lorne purposefully walking through the door. Than he'd found his second-in-command wrapped in Keller's arms, intensely kissing her in full view of her entire staff.

So the major had finally dealt with his feelings for Keller. Sheppard remembered his promise to himself and left the infirmary with a scowl on his face. If he told Teyla how he felt now, she'd see him as trying to step in on Kanaan, the father of her child. If he didn't. . . . He'd already lost her. Her pregnancy was proof of that. Rather than finding Teyla, he headed to the armory and spent the next hour sparring with Ronon.

~TBC


	21. Midway

Jenn woke early the next morning, but she refused to move. In fact, she wondered if she even could move. All the falling and different things she'd done in that mine had left a number of bruises on her body, not to mention sore muscles and minor cuts here and there. She'd slept well enough that night, but getting out of bed seemed to be the biggest challenge.

Then she remembered that she'd arranged for herself, Carter, and McKay to take the day off. With a smile, she snuggled back down into the covers and dozed, missing the sunrise through her window. When she did wake again, it was well past dawn, and the sunlight warmed the foot of her bed. Deciding she needed to move before her bladder burst, she forced herself out of bed with a groan.

An email waited for her. She opened it and smiled.

_How does sun, sand, and waves sound? Email me when you're awake. Evan._

Sun, sand, and waves sounded almost perfect right then. Jenn quickly answered the email with one of her own, hesitating before she sent it. He'd told her that he loved her, that he wasn't sure he could face life without her. And what had she done? She'd kissed him. Jenn now wondered if adding, "Love you" to the end of the email would be appropriate or just salt in an open wound. Even though he hadn't said anything last night, she'd seen the questions in his eyes when he left her at her quarters after their drink and dinner.

Irritated at herself for not responding in a way that made Evan happy, she simply added her name to the email and hit send. Then, she scoured her closet. What did she take for a day at the beach? She had sandals, a pair of shorts, and a baby doll shirt that would work. When she'd come to Atlantis, she hadn't packed any sort of bathing suit. Then, she looked down at her still-bandaged hands. Salt water in those rope burns would likely hurt as bad as the antibacterial ointment her staff had used to clean them. Getting in the water of the ocean beyond wading in the edges probably wasn't the best idea.

By the time she was dressed, Evan had returned her email with one of his own, telling her to be ready in an hour. Jenn pulled her hair into a ponytail and slowly straightened her room. She needed the day. After the last couple of weeks, she'd wondered if she could even survive in Pegasus much longer. Evan had made that possible, and she loved him for it. _Great, Jenn,_ she thought. _You think the words, but you don't tell him. Some girlfriend you are._

Just as quickly, her logical brain responded. _You don't know what you feel for Evan, yet. Don't rush it._

"Even if he's ready to admit what he's feeling?"

_Especially now._

"But, what if he expects something?"

_He won't. You know Evan well enough to know he has no expectations beyond what you're willing to provide. And he won't push you. He's already said that._

"Yeah." Jenn pushed herself to her feet and dug her sandals out of her closet. She didn't want to argue with herself any longer, but her brain refused to back down. She should have told him how she felt. But she wasn't entirely sure. She'd once believed she loved Gary, and look how that had worked out. Rather than dwelling, she rose and packed her crochet bag. If she was going to enjoy the day, she might as well work on this never-ending project.

Evan appeared before she figured out her own emotions. He smiled at her, gave her an appreciative twice-over, and laced his fingers with hers while trying to carry a picnic basket, blanket, and sunscreen.

Jenn laughed at his juggling act. "Give me something to carry."

"If you insist." He stole a kiss while handing the blanket over.

As they walked through the halls to the Jumper bay, Jenn felt the stares and smiles of people around her. Neither of them wore their base uniforms, and she knew she'd just become the envy of about a third of the women on Atlantis. Evan, however, seemed to notice none of it.

When they arrived at the Jumper via a back route that avoided the control room, Jenn figured out just how much thought Evan had put into this little outing. He'd already packed his easel, a canvas, and his paints. Suddenly, she didn't feel so bad about bringing a craft bag, though the thought of sitting on a beach crocheting with the most gorgeous man alive next to her seemed a little ridiculous.

Through the short ride to the mainland, Jenn watched Evan. He focused completely on his flying until they lost sight of Atlantis. Then, he relaxed slightly and let the Jumper's auto-pilot take over until the mainland came into view. Once that happened, he flew toward the equatorial regions of the planet, finally finding the perfect place to set down. Jenn waited while the Jumper's hatch opened and then stepped out of the small ship.

So this is what Columbus felt when he landed in the New World. Jenn stared, not wanting to move from this spot. Unadulterated white sand spread out before them, the ocean turquoise in color and rolling in to shore with waves that would make any surfer proud. A few pieces of driftwood marred the sandy beach, but she didn't want to put a single footprint on the sand. Not yet. With the tree-line providing a dark green edge to the white sand and the sun shimmering off the water, she understood why Evan had chosen this spot.

He chuckled from behind her and snapped a quick picture on his digital camera. Jenn turned, thankful he hadn't aimed the camera at her. She thought she understood, though. With a picture, he could likely finish the painting he planned to begin.

For the next hour, they chatted lightly as they spread out the blanket, set up his easel, and made themselves at home on the beach. Jenn smiled as the sun began to soak into her sore muscles, easing the aches from yesterday's adventure. She slathered on the sunscreen, allowing Evan to paint without interruption as she stared at the ocean. It was beautiful. Mesmerizing. Now she understood why so many people painted it.

By midafternoon, they had talked about everything under the sun save one thing. Coran. Jenn had spent a lot of time with the boy in the last few days, and she worried about him now that he'd gone to a new family. Evan tried to reassure her that Coran had chosen these people, but she still wondered if he shouldn't have stayed on Atlantis a little longer. They still knew very little about the neurotoxin. As she talked, he cleaned a brush and dropped onto the blanket next to her.

"Hey, you did everything you could." He shook his head. "There's nothing else you can do. With time, we'll figure this out. We'll find out who is behind this and solve it. But, until then, you can't beat yourself up for something beyond your control."

"I know." She tried to smile, but it appeared as more of a grimace. "I just. . . ."

He nodded. "I understand."

And that was precisely why she loved him. She opened her mouth, but the words still wouldn't come out.

Instead of the romantic things she wanted to say, her stomach growled. Jenn flushed as Evan laughed and tugged the picnic basket over. "That's a good indication I'm not feeding you enough."

"It's an indication I didn't eat breakfast." She joined in the laughter at her expense and sat cross-legged on the blanket while he revealed their lunch. They ate without much conversation, and Jenn preferred it. Sometimes, the best company didn't need words. And, looking at Evan, she knew she'd never need to fill the silences.

After the remains of their lunch were cleaned up, she watched as he stretched out on the blanket, hands behind his head. She wanted to join him, to lay her head on his shoulder. Instead, she propped her head on her hand, using her elbow to keep her head off the blanket. "This is just about perfect."

Evan glanced at her and rolled to his side, using one elbow to prop himself up. "Yeah, it is."

Jenn flushed at his appraising glance. "I meant the beach. . .and. . . ."

"I know." His eyes sparkled as he glanced over her body. "I didn't."

Her breath hitched, and she smiled when he leaned to kiss her. This time, however, he let the kiss linger and intensify. Before long, she let him lower her to the ground and simply enjoyed the idea that they were alone on a deserted beach on an alien planet. Who would see them here? When his hand traveled from her shoulders down her side and back up, Jenn shivered at the idea that things could go further than a simple kiss.

But Evan clearly had other ideas. He pulled away, his breath ragged as he stared at her from an inch above her face. "You're beautiful."

She smiled and finally found her voice. "I'd return the compliment, but I don't think 'beautiful' is a term you'd like attached to you."

He laughed, this time softly, as he kissed her again. A moment later, he pushed himself up and held out a hand. "Come on. Let's take a walk."

Jenn blinked at the sudden change in activity but let him pull her to her feet. She walked a few steps beside him, trying to figure out exactly why he'd stopped when both of them were willing to let nature take its course between them.

Evan glanced at her and pulled her close as they walked. "Don't even think it's because I don't want you."

"What?" Jenn asked even though she knew the answer. His ability to read her face, however, had stunned her.

He smiled and leaned close, whispering in her ear. "I want you, Jennifer Keller, like I've never wanted any other woman in my life. But you're not ready. So, I'll wait."

She struggled to breathe. The tickle of his breath on her ear, his nearness, his words. . . . If she wasn't already in love with him, she'd have fallen over the edge right then. And, yet, she couldn't say the words. Some irrational fear settled into her stomach. When she and Gary had said those three little words to each other, things had changed. He'd felt entitled to her favors, and she'd discovered that "love" meant an entirely different thing to him.

Evan, on the other hand, loved her and was willing to wait. Maybe not forever, but he refused to rush her. The difference in the two men who had shared her life astounded her. Why couldn't she have found Evan years ago and avoided all the hurt with Gary? Why couldn't she have found him when she was willing to tell him how she felt, to share that special place in he held in her heart with him?

An hour later, as they walked back to the Jumper hand-in-hand, their shoes dangling from their fingertips as they let the surf roll over their feet, Jenn determined to find a way to tell him exactly how she felt about him. She decided that he'd hear the words one day. Soon. Just as soon as she conquered her own, irrational fears.

oOo

Once back on Atlantis, Evan escorted Jenn to her quarters and left her there after another toe-curling kiss. His mind went back to that moment on the beach, when the sun, waves, and breeze had allowed him to consider changing their relationship. But he'd known she wasn't ready. Nor was he, for that matter.

Evan Lorne had known women. He'd had his share of experiences with them, and he knew what sex did to a relationship. He wanted more for his relationship with Jenn. She wasn't a momentary diversion for him, and he refused to treat her that way. Besides, she hadn't said the words.

As he changed into his base uniform and headed to the control room for a sit rep from Sheppard, Evan shook his head. He shouldn't be so bothered by the fact that Jenn hadn't returned his sentiment last night in the infirmary. But he was. He'd laid his heart on the line, revealed something he thought he'd never know, and she'd simply kissed him. He'd hoped for something a little more than a simple kiss. And it frustrated him.

In the control room, Evan saw worried faces and various scowls. He moved to Carter's office, where the colonel sat with her casted leg propped on her couch. "Colonel?"

"Major." She straightened. "Welcome back."

"Thanks." He motioned behind him. "What's happening?"

"We've lost contact with Midway."

"You've what?"

"Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay are checking it out." She smiled slightly. "It was your day off, Major. And Colonel Sheppard insisted that you not be interrupted given the last couple of weeks. I know they've been hard with the village and the neurotoxin threat."

"Colonel Shep-!" Evan squelched the disrespectful words that came to mind. Jenn had done more than led him to lie to his CO and break into her quarters. She'd rearranged his entire life. "I see."

Carter glanced up at him. "Something you wanted to say, Major?"

"No, Ma'am." He nodded politely and left the office before he said something he'd regret. Rather than sticking around the control room, he went to his office and glared at the pile of paperwork still waiting for him. He had a couple of mission reports to type, and his team needed an extra person until Reed recovered from his sprained ankle. He had plenty to keep him busy.

So why did he feel like taking someone's head off?

~TBC


	22. Precursor

It took three weeks for Sheppard, Ronon, and McKay to make it back to Atlantis. In that time, Carter graduated from crutches and a cast to a walking cast and a limp. She pushed herself and irritated Jenn in the process.

Jenn and Evan settled into a routine after their day on the beach. They didn't spend every evening together, and their relationship revolved around stolen moments. Evan often appeared in the infirmary just before or after a mission, and Jenn liked to drop into his office for a lunch break. Her staff loved having him around because he made sure she ate and took care of herself. And the control room grinned every time she appeared.

But something changed for them. Jenn sensed it in the little things. Evan often watched her with questions, and she couldn't figure out what she'd done. She opened her mouth many times to tell him that she loved him, but the words wouldn't come. Every time she thought she worked up the courage, she remembered Gary's actions, and the words froze in the back of her throat. Instead of saying what was on her mind, she tensed and often caused lapses in the conversation.

Evan sensed the change, as well. He spent hours wondering if he'd said the right thing. Had he made a mistake in telling Jenn exactly how he felt? Right after nearly losing her in that Genii mine, he thought he needed to tell her, to let her know that someone waited for her to come back to Atlantis. Now, though, he wished he'd been quiet. She clearly struggled with her past relationships, and his rush to let her know he loved her had ruined what they shared. Many times, he saw something in her eyes that took his breath away, but she never spoke it aloud. And he waited.

And stewed. Why couldn't he have waited another month or two? Life on Atlantis was uncertain, but he'd prefer that to this uncertainty. He felt the knot tighten in his stomach and knew no amount of sparring with Coughlin would untie it. Only Jenn could do that. Evan didn't want to rush her, and he had done just that by telling her his true feelings. Time and again in the weeks after their beach picnic, he opened his email to write his sister only to slam the computer shut again. What right did he have to interrupt Ellen's life with worry over his love life? Or lack thereof.

The tension between him and Jenn began to affect his work. When off world, he managed to stay focused on the mission. The second he returned to Atlantis, however, he began to question every move. Even her after mission physicals changed slightly. She flirted, but her eyes darted away quickly. Or so they seemed. And he never seemed to be able to pin her down in order to talk. He'd told her he wouldn't rush her, and he intended to keep that promise now that his secret was out.

A week before Sheppard, Ronon, and McKay returned, Evan stepped through the gate to find another village suffering from another epidemic. He immediately called for Jenn, and she came through in full hazmat. After determining that he and his team were free from any neurotoxin or disease, they suited up to help the villagers. A third of them still died. Evan stood behind Jenn, watching the deaths affect her. When they returned to Atlantis, he set aside his misgivings about their relationship to simply held her until she let go of the grief she'd kept bottled up inside.

Sheppard, Ronon, and McKay returned without fanfare and resumed their duties. Evan gladly went back to being the second-in-command, thankful that his CO pushed all his paperwork onto his desk. Months ago, he would have complained. Now, he used it to distract himself from Jenn. Sheppard commented on his new dedication to finishing everything on his desk before leaving the office, and Evan quipped that he'd decided to turn over a new leaf. _Yeah, one where I ruined the best thing in my life_, he thought as he returned to his quarters for the day.

What had he been thinking? That question continued to roll around in his head as he worked through the next few weeks. Sheppard's team continued their off world missions, and Jenn continued to investigate the new disease. Evan felt her pull away from him, and he worried that his moodiness had pushed her away. Then, he found her sleeping in the infirmary, head bowed over a keyboard where she'd dropped from sheer exhaustion.

Evan smiled. That was just like his Jenn, the one he loved in spite of their mistakes or problems. He acknowledged Dr. Cole's unspoken request to get her out of there and laid a hand on her shoulder. Jenn woke with a start, losing her balance on the stool and falling directly into his chest.

She blinked. "Evan?"

"Ah. . .isn't this the second time you've fallen off a stool because you fell asleep in the infirmary?"

"Yeah." She straightened and rolled her shoulders, clearly trying to work out the tension. "I thought I was close to an answer for this disease."

He wanted to ask what she'd found or if she was close to a solution. Instead, he pulled her to her feet. "Let's get you out of here."

"I'm close." She motioned over her shoulder. "If I could just. . . ." Her voice trailed of as he slipped his arm around her waist. Her sleeveless shirt crept up slightly, and his fingers brushed her skin, causing her to blush and stare at his hand.

He chuckled, her tired face all the more adorable by her distraction thanks to his arm around her waist. "You're getting some quality sleep, first." When she frowned at him, he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I'll make it an order, if I have to."

She flushed even deeper, and a shiver ran down her spine, thrilling him to no end. "You might have to," she said in a low voice.

Evan blinked. Even half asleep, Jenn still flirted with him. And, in spite of all his tension over their relationship, he liked it. "Don't tease me."

"Not teasing." She seemed fully awake now, but he saw the tiredness still lingering. "After all, how are you going to know whether I followed orders or not?"

"Let's go." He pulled her out of the infirmary and walked her directly to her quarters. Once there, he stepped inside long enough to kiss her speechless. Pleased that he could render her even stutter-proof, Evan left her under orders to sleep the rest of the night. Her muttered comment about not being able to sleep after that kiss only completed his evening.

The next day, however, he wanted to hit something. Anything. Sheppard's team had returned from an allied world, this one also hit by the same disease. And he found evidence of it on yet a third world. Jenn returned to her workaholic ways, and Evan didn't have the heart to distract her from the work. Too many people were dying.

Jenn struggled with the workload, as well. Every time someone brought back another report of the disease, her burdens increase ever so slightly. She wished she could go to Evan, talk to him, tell him everything that was in her heart. But he'd pulled away recently. Except for that one night when he found her sleeping in the infirmary. A month after Sheppard's return from Midway, Jenn flushed as she remembered that kiss. Evan had been as tired as she'd been. And she'd sensed the firm control he kept on himself when he left. She knew she'd been too tired to stop had he decided to pursue something a lot more intimate.

Colonel Carter interrupted her thoughts, leaving her flustered and distracted. "What have you got?"

Jenn pulled her mind from Evan and their passionate kisses, focusing on the screen beside her. "As you know, for some time now, we've been tracking what appears to be a new sickness in the Pegasus galaxy. We don't know exactly when or where it started, but so far, we've encountered it on seven different planets."

Sheppard breezed into the room, followed by Rodney. "Make that eight. We just came back from 447. They've got it too."

Jenn stared. "Really? The same symptoms?"

"Mmm." McKay found a bottle of disinfectant and began scrubbing his hands. "Starts with respiratory difficulty, proceeds rapidly to fatal organ shutdown." He glanced around and realized everyone was watching him. "Oh, it's disinfectant."

Sheppard stared. "We just came back from the bio-screen, Rodney. We were wearing hazmat the whole time, too."

"Yes, well," McKay said with a shrug, "it's better safe than sorry."

Sheppard rolled his eyes.

Carter looked at Jenn. "Do we have any idea how it's spread?"

"Well, that's the strange part." Jenn watched over Carter's shoulder as Evan entered the infirmary. She wanted to hide from everyone right then and let him hold her. Instead, she turned back to Carter as he joined the small group. "Most of these planet have no regular contact with each other; but a few of them do have regular contact with other neighboring planets that have been completely unaffected."

"So far," Sheppard added.

Carter let out a deep breath. "How bad is it gonna get?"

"If I _had_ to make a projection," Jenn began, "I'd base it on the evidence from M1R-992. There have been no new cases there for some time, which would seem to indicate the sickness has run its course."

"And. . .?" Carter prompted.

Jenn looked at Evan and caught his nod. She drew a little strength from his steady gaze. "It killed thirty percent of the population. If those numbers bear out on the rest of these planets, we're looking at a death toll of about two hundred thousand. That's assuming it doesn't spread any further."

Carter didn't seem to know what to say. Or anyone else, for that matter. A death toll of two hundred thousand staggered even the most cynical of people.

Jenn let out a deep breath. "Look, it may be nothing, but I did wonder if it was related to the neurotoxin." She shrugged. "I can't find any relation at all, but I could be wrong. I had to check given the progression we're seeing."

Carter nodded and touched her shoulder. "Keep me informed." She left the infirmary, taking Sheppard and McKay with her.

Jenn stared at Evan, feeling the weight of the news she'd just delivered add to the weight of their strange issues. She couldn't even figure out what the problem between them was, but it affected her. She suddenly wanted to cry.

Evan motioned to the computer screen. "How much more work do you have to do?"

"Some." Jenn slipped back onto her stool as he followed her. "But there isn't much I can do besides try to figure out what this is."

"You'll get it."

"I know." The tears she'd been fighting welled up, and she tried to choke them down. "I'm just. . .I mean. . .it's. . . ."

"Come here." He pulled her into his arms.

She laid her head on his shoulder. "What did I do?" The question wouldn't stay in any longer.

"What?"

Jenn sat up suddenly, realizing that the infirmary was not the place to break down. She swiped at a few tears and straightened. "I think I need a break."

Evan followed her as she left the infirmary behind, and Jenn walked directly to a balcony. She needed to have something in her personal life on level ground since her work had clearly taken priority. When they were alone, she faced him. "What did I do? I don't know what happened, but things changed after the beach. And I'm lost. I mean, I want to have what we have and, um, I mean, you're great, and. . . ." She trailed off as he pulled her into a hug.

"You didn't do anything," Evan said softly, still holding her close. "Things bug me, and I have to figure them out."

"Things about me?"

"Things about us."

"Us?" She lifted her head. "This is about what you told me right after the mine."

He simply stared at her.

"I want to say those words. Really, I do." She shrugged. "I just don't want us to change."

"What?" he asked again, this time in sincere confusion.

Jenn swallowed her tears and her irritation at everything. "When Gary and I said those words, things changed. And not in a good way. He was more. . . .demanding. Less. . . .I want us. . . I'm afraid that we will lose what makes us us." 

He studied her, trying to read her expression. "He really messed you up, didn't he?"

"I wish I'd met you, first." She shrugged. "I thought I loved him. I was ready to leave school to be at home with him. I know I was only eighteen, and I was young. But, when he told me he loved me, I believed him. I never dreamed he had a wife or that he simply said it to get things from me."

"What sort of things?"

"Oh, you know. . . ." She flushed. "Strange. . .things. . . Doing. . .stuff for him that most people would think. . . . He's say things like, 'If you love me you'll do this.' And I did. I know that wasn't what love is about, and I know you're different. But, every time I try to say those words, I remember what he did to me." She put a hand on his chest and stared directly into his eyes. "Evan, I care so deeply for you. But I want to be sure before we change more than has already changed."

"I get it." He pulled her back into his arms, but she heard the controlled roughness in his tone. "It bothers me, but I understand. I really do. And, for the record, I want to find Gary and hurt him badly."

Jenn smiled and let herself settle into Evan's arms. She didn't understand men any more than she had months ago. But she felt like she understood this man. He would love her and care for her. She slipped her arms around his waist. "Just give me some time. Please?"

"I'll try." His voice still sounded rough, and she let out a deep breath. Things between them may not have been completely stable, but she knew he wasn't angry with her.

After a long time, Evan pulled away and took her face in his hands. "I'm still here for you, no matter what. I need you to understand that. No matter what my job or your job throws at us. No matter what Gary did to you. No matter what happens in the future, I'm not going anywhere."

Jenn blinked back more tears, these one happy tears, and nodded. "The same goes for me."

Two days later, she discovered the truth about the Hoffan drug. And Teyla started having visions. And chaos broke loose in the Pegasus galaxy.

~TBC


	23. Kindred

Jenn walked out of the conference room with her head spinning. She knew she'd pushed herself in finding the Hoffan drug, but she'd been unable to stop. Though, on second thought, pulling an all-nighter while already exhausted was never a good idea.

At least she and Evan had figured out whatever had happened between them. Their talk on the balcony had done wonders for her peace of mind, and she'd heard rumors of an intense sparring match between her boyfriend and a certain Satedan. Jenn shook her head. Evan had impacted so much of her life. She didn't even think of herself as "Jennifer" any longer, preferring the nickname he'd given her. And, while she hadn't gone into specifics about Gary's unusual requests, he knew enough to understand her hesitance in their relationship. Or so she hoped.

Since talking to Evan about Gary, she'd begun to really examine her memories. Were they really as bad as they seemed? Yes. Did she have a right to be concerned about experiencing those things again? Yes. Did she have _cause_ to worry about Evan doing those things to her? No. That answer shook her. She should have seen this herself.

Jenn sighed deeply. She'd been comparing Gary and Evan for months, and it exhausted her. She really needed to stop. She needed to see Evan, to figure out her own mind. At times, she forgot all about Gary. While in Evan's arms, she could barely remember her own name, much less Gary's. When the dark of night crept in, however, Gary's face rose like a specter in a dream.

_A little melodramatic, don't you think?_ she asked herself. Evan's influence in her life had affected even the way she thought. Jenn stopped in her tracks at that realization. Someone behind her bumped into her, muttering as they walked on down the corridor, but she didn't notice. If Evan had begun to influence the way she thought and viewed the world, what right did she have to hold back from him?

Rather than going to her quarters for sleep, she headed to the infirmary. The day was young, and she had reports to finish that she'd let go in favor of working on the Hoffan drug. As she sat at her desk, she let out a deep sigh. She wanted coffee. She _needed_ coffee. She didn't want to think about Gary or the Hoffan drug or the neurotoxin. She just wanted. . . . Jenn blinked. She wanted Evan. That was revelation in itself. Deciding that a few moments of quiet never hurt anyone, she leaned her chair back and propped her head against the wall. She smiled and let her mind focus on the man who made all her nightmares run away.

oOo

Evan found Jenn sleeping in her office. He stared at her, smiling as he wondered if he should wake her. The last time he woke her, she'd fallen off the stool and directly into his arms. But she'd been sleeping peacefully that time. This time, her face twitched as she dreamed. From the expressions crossing her face, he knew it could be any number of bad guys. Gary, Bola Kai, the nameless monster who created the neurotoxin, the Wraith. It really didn't matter which bad guy it was. He wanted to protect her.

She twitched again, this time as if she'd been hit. "No. . ." she murmured. "Please. . .not. . ."

Evan stepped forward, his heart breaking. Why were women like Jenn always the ones abused? Why couldn't other men see that she needed a protector, not a slap across the face? The thought of anyone striking _his_ Jenn stirred the rage that had been in his gut for two days. He seriously wanted to find this Gary and. . . . Shaking himself from his violent thoughts, Evan crouched beside her chair. "Jenn."

Knowing how violently she woke from nightmares, he waited while she struggled for a few more seconds. Then, he touched her arm. "Jenn."

She pulled back as if burned, sitting up and blinking at her office. "I fell asleep?"

"Yeah." He stayed next to her. "Though, how you sleep like that is beyond me."

She shrugged, and the shrug turned into rolling her shoulders and neck. "I learned how in medical school. It just carried over to here."

"You work too hard."

"So I've been told."

Evan rose and slipped behind her, letting his hands fall onto her shoulders and begin to rub away the tension there. Jenn sighed and let her head roll forward. He continued to rub her shoulders for a time, enjoying the trust she placed in him and the way her hair brushed across his hands. Finally, he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Let's get out of here." When she turned to stare at him, he chuckled. "You need food and sleep."

"Food I'll take." She frowned. "Sleep will have to wait."

"Movie, then?"

"In the middle of the day?"

"You're the CMO of this base and vital to this investigation." Evan grinned. "What kind of trouble would I be in if I didn't care for a vital component of this investigation?"

"Even if she's your girl?"

The way she said it thrilled him. "_Especially_ if she's my girl."

She glanced at him, and a smile pushed the corners of her mouth upward. "Okay. But nothing really heavy. A chick flick."

"I think I can handle that." He followed her out of the infirmary, stunned that she'd left without a fight. Then, he thought about his movie collection. He had only one "chick flick" in his collection, and that one came from his sister. Ellen had insisted that he watch _How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days_ with her, and he'd actually enjoyed the show. He just hoped Jenn would like it as well.

After a quick stop in the mess hall, Evan escorted Jenn to his quarters. He set up the computer on a desk and pulled her onto the couch. She nestled into his arms easily, and he smiled. After her revelations about Gary and the bad experience she'd had, he thoroughly enjoyed the trust she placed in him. The memory of her asleep on his couch had new meaning, as did every step she took toward him. He just hoped for so much more.

_Don't push it, Ev_, he warned himself. _What was your mom always telling Ellen? If you let someone go, they'll come back to you._ He glanced down at Jenn, curled happily into his arms and lying half on his chest as she watched the movie. He didn't know if he could let her go. When she pulled his arm tighter around her, he chuckled. He didn't know if _she'd_ allow him to let her go.

Jenn dozed off about the time that Andie Anderson appeared in that gold dress of hers. Evan's mind transformed the actress on the screen into a mental image of Jenn wearing that dress, and he knew he'd be unable to breathe if she ever decided to go there. Then, again, her smile usually took his breath away, so it wouldn't be much different.

"Major Lorne, come in." Carter's voice came through his headset.

Evan glanced quickly at Jenn, who still slept on his shoulder. If he spoke, he woke her. Unfortunately, duty called, and he had an obligation to answer. He touched the radio, speaking softly. "Go ahead, Colonel."

Jenn stirred and blinked at him. In his ear, Carter said, "Assemble you're team. You'll be escorting Teyla back to M2S-181."

"Understood." He watched Jenn as she sat up. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She let out a jaw-popping yawn, stretching to her full length as she did so. "It's usually me getting called to the infirmary."

He stood, pulling her up with him and into his arms. "So, this is something we're going to have to get used to, then?"

"You know it is." She smiled and draped her arms around his neck. "Though I'm willing to occasionally leave the radio in my office on accident."

Evan blinked at the underlying suggestion. "Promises, promises."

Jenn laughed. "Go gather your team. I'll be here when you get back." Then, she realized what she said. "Well, maybe not. . .here, as in your room, but. . .I mean. . . ."

He chuckled. "You're cute when you're embarrassed." He gave her a quick kiss. "And, for the record, I wouldn't have a problem if I found you here when I got back."

She gave him such a mischievous grin that he kissed her senseless. Then, he headed for the armory, grin fully in place.

oOo

Several hours later, Evan returned through the stargate ready to murder the next slimy trader that crossed his path. He'd already brushed himself off and knew finding that Wraith dart would be next to impossible. It hadn't gone through the gate. The cruiser that it came from had likely disappeared to some unknown planet in the galaxy.

Carter ran down the stairs, followed by Sheppard, McKay, and Jenn. She frowned. "Major, where's Teyla?"

Evan glanced at Jenn, seeing the circles under her eyes and the lingering exhaustion. He'd hoped she'd gotten a little sleep while he was gone. Instead, he turned back to Carter. "I lost her, Ma'am." He went on to tell of their meeting with the merchant selling Kanaan's pendant, the apprehension of the trader, and the interrogation. When he told about the dart taking Teyla, Sheppard swore.

Evan glanced at his CO. "I'm sorry, Sir. I would have followed it, but-"

"You did the right thing," Carter interrupted. "You had no idea what was on the other side of the gate."

"He didn't go through the gate, Ma'am." Evan turned from Sheppard's glare. "He went into orbit."

McKay went pale. "Which means. . . ."

Carter nodded once. "Michael was on that planet."

oOo

That evening, Jenn stood outside Evan's office and hesitated. When he'd left that morning, she had plopped onto his couch and finished the movie. She didn't mind that he'd left, but she wished he'd been able to stay. Even with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, she'd been cold without his warmth. She had just managed to fall asleep when Colonel Carter paged her to the meeting in her office.

Then to have him return without Teyla. Jenn shook her head. She and Teyla had become close friends through the course of the Athosian's pregnancy. They often spent hours talking about her son, the ways Athosians viewed children, and Teyla's desire to find her people.

Through the afternoon, Jenn had taken time to consider Teyla's predicament. She didn't know if Teyla truly loved Kanaan, but they were close. How did she handle his disappearance for so many months? Jenn didn't know. But she knew she likely couldn't handle Evan's disappearance. He meant too much to her.

Tired of second-guessing herself, she walked around the corner into the office. Evan glanced up from the paperwork he'd been doing. Jenn almost apologized and offered to come back later, but he grinned suddenly. "Hey."

"Hi." She swallowed. Why had she not thought this through before coming here? "I was. . .um, yeah. And I thought I'd drop by and. . . ."

His grin widened, and he sat back in his chair. "Come in." He glanced down, adding his signature to the page while she stood next to the door.

Suddenly, she didn't know what to say. She'd come here to find out how he was coping with being "responsible" for losing Teyla. She'd seen the anger on his face when he came back, realized how he'd toned down his reaction around her.

He finished before she figured out what she wanted to say. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I just realized that I have no reason to be here and what I wanted to say isn't really important."

Evan blinked at her. "Excuse me?"

She felt her eyes widen as her pulse climbed. He was angry with her?

He clearly saw her reaction as well. Instead of speaking, he stood, walked around his desk, and pulled her into a hug. "You don't need a reason to come see me. And I respect whatever you have to say."

"Really?"

He tugged her toward a chair, out of the control room's line of sight. "What's on your mind?"

"Just. . .that. . .I know you're probably blaming yourself." Jenn hated how awkward those words sounded. So forced. "I mean, I would. I don't have experience with someone going missing when I should have been watching them. But I should have seen what Gary was doing, but I didn't. I just thought it might be the same with losing Teyla. I mean, she was on your watch and all. And I wanted to. . .be here."

He stared at her for a long moment. "You really feel that way?"

"That it's not your fault that Teyla's missing?" She nodded. "Yeah. How were you supposed to react? It's not like you could shoot down the dart while she was in the storage device. From what I've heard, it didn't go so well the last time someone did that. McKay still hasn't forgiven Zelenka."

"No." He held up a hand. "You think it was _your_ fault for what Gary did to you?"

She stared at him. "What?"

He touched her face, ever so gently. "No matter what he told you, he's wrong." He let his hand flatten against her cheek. "You are the most beautiful woman in two galaxies. _You_ didn't hurt yourself. You didn't do _anything_ that changes what I feel for you. I don't care what it is that he made you do. That doesn't make you any less of a person in my opinion. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not going anywhere. You're worth the wait. And I'll wait as long as you need."

Jenn leaned into the warmth of his palm, fighting tears. "How did you know?"

"You told me what he did and told me you would blame yourself." He shrugged. "Doesn't take a psychology degree to figure it out."

She glanced down, looking at her hands as they clenched between them. She'd told herself that she wasn't at fault hundreds of times. Every time someone got too close, she defaulted to Gary and her fear of what he had done. She'd allowed her memories to influence her present.

When she looked up, he still stood there with that same understanding expression on his face. She tried to smile. "I'm sorry. It's just. . . . I mean, you're. . .the first. Since Gary." She flushed when she realized how that sounded. "I mean, the first guy I've seriously. . .thought about. . .and the first _that_ way, too. And I just. . .I mean. . . . ." She finally gave up.

Evan smiled at her, but his eyes danced. "I understand."

Jenn let out a deep breath. For days, she'd wondered if he truly understood why she didn't want to make a move toward something more permanent between them. Just knowing that he loved her had been enough. But she knew it bothered him that she hadn't said those three little words. She wanted to, so badly it hurt sometimes. But her past held her hostage.

She refused to be held hostage anymore. Rather than waiting for him, she leaned forward and kissed him. The control room could have a show for all she cared.

Evan seemed surprised, but he didn't complain. During the kiss, Jenn made her decision. She was done with Gary. When she finally broke for air, she stayed close to him. "I love you," she whispered.

The slow grin that covered his face thrilled her. "You're sure you're not just saying that?"

She nodded. "I've known it, but I needed to know that you weren't going to suddenly change on me."

He sobered, but his eyes still sparkled. "Jenn, I know words don't mean as much as actions, but I'll never change. Not that way." He kissed her again, this time carefully. "You make me a better man."

Those words took her breath away. _She _made Evan a better man? She didn't think it was possible. "Wow."

"What?"

"There really is no comparing the two of you, is there?" When he scowled, she rushed to explain. "I'm sorry. I meant that. . . .You are a better man." Then she grinned. "You're _my_ man."

Evan laughed and pulled her into his arms. Their laughter faded, however, as the evening continued. After leaving his office, they talked, this time about them and no one else. Dreams for the future of their careers, thoughts on their respective families, and life in general. Sheppard's call about a lead on Teyla's location interrupted the conversation.

As Evan left her alone in his quarters-again-Jenn sat back on his couch and thought about her evening. She'd said the words! And she'd realized something very important. Evan wasn't Gary. Evan would never be Gary. And, eventually, he'd push every memory of Gary from her mind. She couldn't wait for that day.

~TBC

**Author's Note:** I know this one is a little longer than usual, but I felt that some things needed to be dealt with in this chapter. Hope you enjoyed. ~lg


	24. Kindred, Part 2

Evan walked back through the gate with an exasperated expression on his face. Sheppard followed him, escorting Carson Beckett, of all people. How was the man even alive? Evan knew for a fact that Carson had died. He had been one of the man's pallbearers, had agonized over his decision to paint rather than go fishing, had wondered if anything could have been done to keep that bomb from going off. Still, finding him alive had never figured into Evan's plans for the future.

Jenn was going to love this. Evan shook his head. As they'd walked back to the gate, Sheppard had given him specific instructions to head to the infirmary and prep Jenn for the big reveal. Evan hated being the bearer of bad news. Even with finding Carson, they still hadn't found Teyla.

His evening with Jenn only complicated his foul mood. He'd left her with a smile on his face, and he'd returned with a glare. How was he supposed to react, though? This man, dead for a year, had returned to life. Was he an Ancient that retook human form? A Replicator? Something. There had to be a plausible explanation for all this.

Jenn looked up as soon as he entered the infirmary, her bright smile fading as she saw his face. "What? What happened?"

"Ah. . .we found the prisoner."

"Teyla?" she asked hopefully.

Evan hated crushing her hopes. "No." He let his P90 hang as he took her by the shoulders. "Look, I don't even understand it myself, but Colonel Sheppard wanted me to prep you for who's about to come through that door."

"Evan, you're scaring me." She reached up and grabbed his wrists. "Who is it?"

He let out a deep breath. "Carson Beckett."

"_What!_" Her high squeal drew the attention of the entire infirmary. She glanced around and lowered her voice. "That's impossible. He's dead."

"Apparently not as dead as we thought." Rather than exploding with his questions, Evan defaulted to his normal, blasé humor. "Hey, if anyone can find out who this guy is, you can."

Jenn nodded and would have said more, but the doors opened behind Evan right then. He watched the shock cross her face as Sheppard, McKay, and Ronon escorted Carson Beckett into the infirmary. Rather than stepping away from her, Evan slid a hand around her waist and left it on the small of her back.

Beckett glanced between the two of them. "Well, now, things have changed."

Jenn simply stared.

Beckett smiled slightly. "I know it's a bit of a shock, love. I didn't expect to see this place again, either. But you probably should isolate me and get into hazmat while you figure out if I have any nasty bugs from being in prison for so long."

"What?" Jenn blinked. "Right. Yes, you're right." She went into action then, leaving Evan to stand to the side and simply watch.

Beckett followed Jenn, and Sheppard stepped to Evan's side. The men simply watched while the medical staff carefully escorted Beckett to the isolation room.

Evan glanced at Sheppard. "How is this possible?"

"I don't know." Sheppard frowned. "But my money's on your girlfriend. She'll figure this out."

Evan drew himself up to his full height, such as it was. "Yes, Sir."

So Sheppard knew. It wasn't difficult to imagine. They hadn't been hiding their relationship lately. Though part of Evan wished they had. He couldn't explain the irritation that sprang up every time she mentioned Gary. He knew he was nothing like the man. Jenn had even told him that. But he wanted to prove that her love for him wasn't misplaced, that he wasn't going to use her or throw her aside.

Unfortunately, he couldn't tell Sheppard all of this. He didn't want his life to become Atlantis's soap opera. It was bad enough that all the women sighed and cooed every time he walked into the room.

Instead of standing in the now-empty infirmary, he left to return his P90 to the armory. Maybe, after some quiet time, he'd figure out exactly what had just happened.

oOo

When Jenn discovered that Carson was a clone, she delivered the news to the man and then walked out of the infirmary and directly to Evan's office. She'd pushed herself to find the answer for his sudden return and had hoped to find that he'd ascended. Or came from an alternate universe. Or something other than what she found.

In his office, Evan quickly read her face and closed the door behind her. He pulled her into his arms, holding her while she simply drew on his strength. She'd never realized how powerful another person could be. Until Evan, she'd only had Gary on which to base her opinions. Now, knowing this amazing man was here to listen and hold her, she found extra strength to get through the tough times. Like now.

When she pulled away, he let her go without trying to follow her. "What happened?"

"He's a clone." She shrugged. "And I told him." She sat for a few minutes. "McKay tried to convince him that he wasn't any different from the first Carson Beckett, but he was angry. And I can't do anything about that."

"You don't have to."

"I'm a doctor."

"And a good one." He perched on the edge of his desk. "There are just some things that are beyond our expertise."

"I know." She stood and wrapped her arms around herself. "I just don't like it."

Evan nodded, and Jenn gratefully accepted his silence. She wanted to simply curl up in his arms and sleep. But she couldn't. She had to finish her report for Colonel Carter as well as her own personal records. Plus, bringing someone back from the dead could be tricky in the best of times.

The next few hours turned hectic. Sheppard and his team went on a mission, leaving Evan in charge of things on Atlantis. Jenn stayed in the infirmary and readily answered the call when Sheppard returned with injuries. Then, after learning that Nabel didn't die on New Athos like she'd hoped, she struggled with flashbacks of her own words. _You're right, I am a healer. But, first, I need something to heal._ They flashed through her mind when she first recognized him and again when she worked on him in the OR. To top things off, Carson collapsed, and she discovered that he had necrosis in his internal organs. By the time she left the infirmary that day, she'd saved the life of a man who had tried to kill her and had delivered a death sentence to a fellow physician who saved more lives than she could count.

Jenn crawled into bed that night, bone-weary and wanting nothing more than to sleep. Instead, she cried. She cried for Carson, for the lives he wouldn't save if she couldn't find a cure, for herself. She couldn't go to Evan for everything, and she didn't want him to see her so depressed right then. It made no sense, and she knew it. Still, she preferred to grieve in private. Carson Beckett had hired her. He had mentored her after she'd come to Atlantis. When she lost him, she'd lost a second father. She didn't know if she could lose him again.

oOo

Evan stood in the stasis room, watching as Sheppard's team said goodbye to Carson Beckett. Again. He'd come here in support of Jennifer. She had come to him an hour ago, telling him that she could do nothing. And she'd cried on his shoulder. Since returning from the dead, Carson had spent a lot of time with her. Time that she would always cherish. Evan knew this. And he hated to see her go through losing her mentor yet again.

Jenn wheeled Carson into the room. She set the brakes on his wheelchair and helped him to his feet. "Listen. We're gonna keep working 'til we find a cure for this thing. I've got a whole team on it-best people we have."

Beckett nodded. "Thank you."

Sheppard met the doctor's eyes. "Either way, we're gonna get the cure, as soon as we capture Michael."

Evan liked the deliberate venom hidden in his CO's voice.

Carson turned to Jenn. "Listen to me, love. Don't compare the two. If you do, you'll lose what you have now. And if you don't, well," he said, smiling, "you'll be glad you didn't."

Jenn flushed. "I know."

Carson glanced at Evan, leaning close to whisper something in her ear. Her eyes widened, and she nodded. When done speaking to Jenn, Carson turned to Carter. "Samantha, there's a letter in my quarters addressed to my mother. Don't worry-I was careful not to give anything away. Tell her you found it after you shipped my things. It's just some thoughts-things I should have said a long time ago."

As Carter nodded, her eyes full of tears, Evan thought about his own family. His own mother and father. Ellen. Her sons. Had he said everything he wanted to say to them? He looked at Jenn, seeing that she studied him with a faint smile. He _definitely_ hadn't said everything he wanted to say to her.

"Major." Carson stood in front of him, pulling him from his thoughts. "Take care of her."

Evan stared at him, knowing the underlying message. Carson was Jenn's mentor. He was her protector on Atlantis from the day she'd come. Now, he'd handed those reigns over to another man. Evan nodded. "You got it, Doc."

The rest of Carson's goodbyes went too quickly. He spoke with Sheppard, shared a brief hug with Ronon, and argued slightly with McKay. But, in the end, he climbed into the stasis pod. Just before the pod activated, he glanced around. "See you all later."

McKay activated the pod, and Evan moved to Jenn's side as the stasis field enveloped Carson's form. He knew she'd tried everything in her power to cure his necrosis. But she hadn't been able to find the cure in time, and that nearly broke her heart. With the stasis pod fully activated, she turned and buried her face in his shoulder, her tears soaking his shirt.

One by one, those gathered left the room. Evan held Jenn until only they remained. He knew she still cried, but she never sobbed like after New Athos. This was different. This wasn't the crying of a tormented mind. She truly believed she'd lost another patient. And, since she was so close to Carson, she took it on the chin. Evan kept his arm around her shoulders and slowly led her from the room. He walked straight to her quarters, overriding her door's entrance mechanism and escorting her inside.

Too tired to do much, Jenn left him standing in her room as she headed for the bathroom. She kicked off her shoes as she passed the couch, and Evan chuckled. Her uniform jacket came off next, falling over another chair. When the bathroom door closed, he heard the shower start.

Still reeling from the emotional hits, Evan gathered Jenn's shoes and tucked them in her closet. He folded her jacket and made coffee. When she finally reappeared, she looked even younger with her wet hair and pink pajamas. He smiled at the sight, knowing he wanted to see it for the rest of his life.

"You made coffee." She walked over to the coffee set he'd prepared, and her tears began again. "I'm sorry. I can't seem to stop crying."

"Hey, it's okay." He watched her hands shake as she added creamer and sugar to her coffee. Fixing a cup with just a touch of sugar for himself, he followed her to the couch. "You're allowed to feel."

"I should have been able to help him."

"Don't go through this again." He set aside the coffee and pulled her to her feet. "Don't put yourself through that kind of pain."

She stared at him, her eyes still pouring. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Knowing her emotional state wouldn't take the truth of what she'd done to earn his love, Evan simply pulled her into his arms. They stayed like that until she started talking. Once she began to talk, the words wouldn't stop. She eventually fell silent, and Evan glanced down. Sometime during her long confession of the things that haunted her since coming to Atlantis, they had settled on the couch. Now, she slept fitfully on his shoulder.

After a long time, Evan moved gently, picking her up and carrying her to bed. He tucked the covers around her and stood to leave. She caught his hand, however, blinking at him with sleepy eyes. "Don' go." Her words were slurred by her sleep-drugged state.

He settled on the bed next to her. On _top_ of the covers. "I'm right here."

She pulled his arm around her the way one pulled a blanket close. Smiling at the trust, Evan stretched out and allowed his mind to drift. He wanted forever with Jenn, and he'd gladly wait for her. Right now, however, wasn't about physical desires. Right now was about a hurting woman wanting him close. And he refused to budge until she awoke.

oOo

The sun warmed Jenn's feet as she woke slowly the next morning. She shifted slightly and felt the body next to her. _What?_

Then she remembered. She'd come apart on Evan. Completely and totally unglued. Then, when he moved her to the bed, she'd asked him to stay. Now, his weight pinned her blankets in place, and his arm draped over her waist. She smiled. So this was what it was like to wake up next to him.

Blushing at the direction of her thoughts, Jenn allowed herself to stretch. It had been way too long since she'd slept that well. She knew exhaustion played a part, as did the warmth of Evan's arms, but she'd gladly take the rest.

"Morning." His voice, so close to her ear, sent chills down her spine. "I would have gone and got breakfast, but, uh. . . ."

She blinked and then realized she still held his arm captive. "Oh!" She let him go suddenly, feeling the void when he pulled back. "I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking. Well, I do. I just. . . I'm sorry."

He laughed at her. "I've had worse things happen than waking up next to the most beautiful woman in the universe."

Jenn smiled as he got up, rotating his shoulder as he did so. She watched. With his hair mussed up from the pillow and his guard still not fully in place, he looked so different. Almost boyish. With his eyes sparkling, he dumped out the coffee from last night and made more.

By the time she made it to the infirmary, Jenn knew she needed to talk with Evan, to apologize for what she'd said to him about Gary and all the things that monster did to her. She knew the men were different. She'd thought she complimented him by telling him that she couldn't compare the two of them. Carson's whispered words still echoed through her head, and she sighed. Her mentor had been right. She'd done Evan a disservice, and she intended to fix it as soon as she could find the time. For now, though, she simply wanted to remember the joy of waking in his arms.

~TBC


	25. Lost Man

Jenn walked through Atlantis, looking for Evan. The halls seemed quiet, and everyone acted a little subdued. Not like they didn't have reason to be subdued. Ten days ago, Evan walked back through the gate without Colonel Sheppard. He swore he'd sent Sheppard through before him, but the colonel never arrived on Atlantis. A frenzied search for Atlantis's military leader ensued, and Jenn knew that the crew had lost hope. First, Teyla went missing. Now Sheppard.

Evan took it the hardest. At first, he barely wanted to speak to anyone. Jenn knew he spent time in the gym, taking his frustrations out on the punching bag and anyone willing to spar. She'd cleaned the cuts on his fists and had seen the anger in his eyes. But it was never directed at her. And, when they were together, he always kept it under control. She appreciated that, but she wished he'd trust her enough to let her see the pain of losing someone. Again.

Jenn sighed as she walked. He _had_ trusted her enough to let her see the man underneath the mask he wore. Right after that Genii mine, he'd revealed his heart to her and had taken her breath away. The expression of relief when she returned those words had taken her breath away. Now, she wanted to see that look of pure relief again.

Her mind traveled back in time, and she smiled sadly as she remembered. She and Carson had worked closely during his last few days. They had reminisced about her first day on Atlantis, her first meeting with him, some of the funnier physician's jokes they'd heard but no one else understood, and their lives in general. Then Carson turned the conversation to a more personal level.

"_I see you've made an impression with Major Lorne." Carson's words brought a blush to her face. "And he's made an impression on you, I see."_

"_Yeah." She smiled. "He's amazing."_

"_Oh, the sound of true love!" he said dramatically. "Have you told him, yet?"_

"_Yes." She shrugged. "A couple days ago."_

"_Well, since this is all news to me, tell me!"_

_And so she'd told him about Evan's first dinner invitation, Davos's words about "The One," her reaction to New Athos, their first kiss, the day on the beach, and her attempt to comfort him after Teyla was taken. Carson listened quietly, absorbing everything and not trying to work as she spoke. Jenn appreciated that attention. _

_Then, he dropped the bomb. "Have you told him about Gary?"_

_She blinked. "Uh. . .yeah. . .I mean, yes. I did." It shouldn't have surprised her that this Carson knew that. The original had seen the scars across her back, the ones that couldn't be felt through clothing but still kept her from wearing anything that might reveal them. But, he'd been her physician, and he'd asked._

"_And what did he say?"_

"_That he'd knows I need actions and not just words. But that he'd never do something like that." She glanced around. Her entire staff likely didn't want to hear this conversation._

"_And has he?"_

"_Carson!"_

"_Sorry, love." He had the good grace to look sheepish. "But I want to make sure you're not comparing what you endured with what you have now."_

_Jenn stared at him. "Excuse me?"_

"_Now don't get upset." Carson reached out and touched her hand. "But you have to understand us men. We don't want to be compared to another, even if that first one was abusive. And we especially don't want to be told we're better than he was."_

"_Even if you are?"_

"Especially_ if we are." He smiled. "Major Lorne is a good man, and he knows he's better than Gary ever thought about being. You don't have to tell him that. He just wants to know that you love _him_. That's all. Let your focus be on the here and now, not on what happened back then."_

Now, days after putting Carson in the stasis pod, Jenn mulled over that conversation. She'd caught herself comparing Gary and Evan in her thoughts and in little things she said. And she felt horrible. Now, with nothing to do but sit around the infirmary, she intended to make it right.

She found Evan in the gym, lifting weights and chatting with Coughlin. From her position in the door, she watched the two men. Evan sat with his profile to her while Coughlin had his back to the door. Jenn smiled. As a physician, she'd seen enough male bodies to last her a lifetime. As a woman, however, a certain major managed to take her breath away every time he appeared in the doorway. And times like now, with his hair messed up and his t-shirt clinging to his body, her mouth went dry, and her pulse climbed so high she worried that she'd have a coronary. She'd never looked at Gary that way.

Jenn caught the train of her thoughts and clamped down on them. She really needed to stop doing that. Gary was gone. In the past. Even though she'd told Evan that she loved him, she still allowed Gary to imprison her in her thoughts. Well, that stopped right now.

Rather than interrupting the men, Jenn left them to their workout and returned to her quarters. She needed to think. To plan. Evan had been there for her in the last months. Now that he struggled with the loss of his CO and Teyla, she wanted to be there for him. Standing in front of her closet, she glared at the woeful wardrobe she'd brought. Base uniforms and jeans, t-shirts, and casual shoes. She'd only brought one nice outfit, and it was a smart business suit. Nothing like what she wanted.

Deciding that clothing didn't matter, she dropped onto her couch and scowled. Her gaze landed on the coffee set, and her smile widened. He had served her enough times. It was time she served him. She bounced off of the couch and left the room in a rush.

That evening, she slipped into Evan's quarters before he left the office. Everything had to be perfect, in her opinion. She knew the location and set-up were for her benefit, but she wanted a special memory for this. With shaking hands, she slipped a CD into his small boom box and set the candles on the desk. His latest painting, still covered with a cloth, hovered in the corner as she lowered the lights and lit the candles she usually kept at the back of her desk. Then, she pushed the couch out of the way, spread around the pillows she'd brought, and barely finished setting up the meal she'd charmed out of the kitchen staff just as he walked through the door.

Evan stopped and blinked. Jenn stood slowly, her hands twisting in front of her. She'd deliberately worn the same outfit as the beach, but she'd pulled her hair away from her face. It made her look young and elegant in spite of the jeans. Now, she watched the grin slowly cross his face.

"Ah. . .what's this?"

"Dinner." She smiled and shrugged. "I mean, we haven't. . .that is, you've been. . .busy, and I've. . .been busy. . . And. . . ."

He silenced her by crossing the room and kissing her. "Thank you." He glanced at the CD player, his grin returning. "I never expected this."

She shrugged as she draped her arms around his neck. "I've found you in my quarters before. Why not turn the tables?"

"I don't see a reason." He began swaying with the music.

Jenn followed his lead. "I'm sorry," she said softly as he pulled her closer.

"For what?"

"For always bringing up the past." She felt him stiffen. "I'm going to focus on the here and now."

His playful grin had faded, leaving a serious expression on his face. "You're sure of that?"

She nodded. "You remember Davos?"

"Yes."

"You know what he told me?" When Evan shook his head, she smiled. "He told me, 'The one you seek is out there, waiting for you.' And, now I know that one is you. And I've almost ruined it by focusing too much on the past. So, I'm sorry, and, from now on, I will focus on you and our future."

He pulled back slightly, the playful grin returning. "Oh, so we have a future, now?"

"What?" she blinked. "Oh. . .I mean. . .Well, sort of."

He chuckled at that and kissed her again, this time tenderly with a hint of promise. Jenn leaned into the kiss, allowing him to take the lead for this dance through their lives. This man, right here in her arms, was the one she wanted for the remainder of her days.

oOo

49,000 years into the future. . . .

Sheppard stepped out of the stasis pod, pounding feeling back into his arms and legs. He supposed he preferred it to collapsing right away, and he knew McKay had eased him out slowly. Feeling the heat around him, he shook his head. Right. The McKay hologram, that is.

As soon as he regained enough feeling, he began to run. Another thousand years had changed the city. Corridors once open were blocked. But one had shifted enough sand that he managed to wiggle through. He felt his stomach rumble and knew that he needed to eat. Man, he was hungry! After all, a guy going a thousand years without a meal was quite a feat!

As he ran, he considered everything that the McKay hologram had told him. Teyla, Ronon, Carter, and Keller. . .all dead. The casualties of Michael's war on everything not like him. He struggled to breathe at the thought that he might not save her. That he might get home and find he'd been gone too long. He only had two months. In light of the thousand years he'd spent in stasis, two months was a drop in the bucket of life.

_Tey-la. Tey-la. Tey-la_. The chant went through his head with every pounding footstep. He had to save her. He had to prevent the awful things that McKay had described. He had to save Teyla, to stop Lorne from going on a suicide mission after Jennifer's death, to keep Ronon on Atlantis, to help McKay figure out his own life. In the gate room, he rushed to the DHD and began pounding out the gate address. It was a long-shot at best, but he didn't have a choice. Once the wormhole established, he rushed forward, pausing only long enough to glance back and see Rodney's hologram fade out of existence forever.

In the gate room he remembered, Sheppard skidded to a halt as he saw several P90s trained on him. "Whoa!"

Carter rushed toward him. "John!"

"Colonel!" He looked around, relieved at the sights and sounds he knew and the cool air rushing over his face. "It worked! It worked. Rodney, you're a genius."

For once in his life, McKay looked nonplussed. "Okay."

Carter glared. "John, what happened?"

Sheppard stared at her. "How much time has gone by?"

"You've been missing for twelve days."

"Twelve days, twelve days," he muttered. "Okay, she won't have had her baby yet. Look, I know this sounds kinda weird, but we're on the clock."

Carter frowned. "John, what are you talking about?"

Sheppard met her eyes. "I know where Teyla is."

oOo

Later that afternoon, Lorne followed Sheppard through the gate. He shook his head. The man traveled 48,000 years into the future and went on a mission just a few hours later after the biggest meal he'd ever seen Sheppard consume. It boggled his mind. It also released some of the tension he'd held inside since Sheppard's disappearance. His CO hadn't been kidnapped on his watch. Now, if they could just find Teyla. . . .

In Michael's lab, Evan followed McKay through the building, not wanting to let the scientist out of his sight. He knew the betting pool on Atlantis laid odds on Jenn every time she went through the gate, but Rodney's curiosity usually got them into just as much trouble. Now, as McKay stared at the large Wraith device with a TV attached to it, he chuckled to himself. Things were back to normal on Atlantis. All in a day's work, he supposed.

"Whoa! Jackpot!" McKay's exclamation brought Evan's head around.

Through the radio, Sheppard sounded urgent. "What've you got?"

McKay scanned the Wraith words flowing across the screen. "I've got everything! I've got Gate addresses, I've got sub-space communication codes. I've even got his research into the hybrids!" He turned around and grinned at Lorne. "He's history!"

While McKay's back was turned, the screen went blank, and a symbol appeared. He scowled. "No-no. No-no-no-no-no. What happened?"

The first symbol disappeared, replaced by another.

Evan pointed. "What's that?"

"Oh, no."

"Doc?"

McKay stared. "It's a countdown."

Just as explosions sounded beneath them, Evan keyed his radio. "Colonel it's a booby trap! We've gotta get out of here now!"

He turned and ran for the door, but the ceiling crashed down in front of him. More debris tumbled into the room, and he cowered to protect his head. Just as the entire building collapsed, he thought of Jenn. He'd never wanted to put her through this.

~TBC


	26. Search And Rescue

**Author's Note:** There's a lot more quoting of the opening of the episode than I typically like, but I couldn't get around it. Not for this particular episode. Only one more chapter after this one. Hope you enjoy! ~lg

oOo

When Jenn received the news that Sheppard's and Lorne's teams were trapped under a collapsed building, her heart nearly stopped, and she struggled to breathe. She'd just found Evan, had just begun to focus on their lives together. She couldn't lose him now! Edison, the lieutenant who made it back through the gate, watched her closely. She forced herself to take a breath. And then another. Right now, she needed to focus. She could panic once the crisis was over.

Determined to hold it together and act as professional as possible, she whirled and began issuing orders. She called for Marie to accompany her, leaving Cole in charge. There was no way she was staying on Atlantis. Evan needed her, and she had enough doctors on Atlantis to handle things until she came home.

Less than an hour later, she rushed toward the Jumper bay with an away team, medical supplies, and a gurney in tow. Jenn had tried to anticipate the kinds of injuries someone would have after being trapped under a collapsed building. Broken bones, cuts, bruises, impalements, severed limbs, internal injuries, the list went on and got worse the more she thought about it. Evan couldn't have any of those things! Well, she could handle the cuts, bruises, and broken bones. But the others? She'd stay with him no matter what, but she didn't know if she could watch them pull his lifeless body from the rubble.

_Okay, Keller, that's enough!_ she sternly scolded herself. _You don't have any information besides that he was in that building. And there are other people trapped in that building, not just Evan._

Feeling a little better, she sat in the back of the Jumper, ready to move at a moment's notice. The trip through the gate seemed to last forever in spite of the few seconds it took. Carter gave orders for the medical team to be one of the first on site. After all, injuries would need to be treated right away.

Once the Jumper landed down, Jenn grabbed her backpack and followed Carter from the Jumper. She wanted to run to the building, to start throwing rocks and debris out of the way. But what she saw tempered her instinct. She couldn't move those rocks! _Oh, God!_ she thought.

Carter led the way into the rubble as combat engineers began pulling equipment into the area. She studied the life signs detector in her hand. "All right, we've got four life signs in two different locations. The first two should be right beneath us."

Something caught Jenn's ear. She tilted her head, and her heart leaped into her throat when she recognized that familiar voice roughened by shouting. "Listen."

Carter whirled and blinked. Both women dropped to the ground, and Carter leaned close to the rubble. "McKay? Is that you?"

"Oh, thank God!" McKay's voice flowed with relief. "Yes! I'm trapped down here with Lorne!"

Carter glanced at Jenn. "Are you okay?"

"We're fine," said the muffled voice. After a moment, McKay replied, "Okay, Lorne's got a broken leg!"

Jennifer nearly dropped onto the rubble in relief. She could handle a broken leg. Or arm. Or ribs. Just as long as he was okay. Instead of collapsing, she blinked back her tears and pulled her medical kit from her back. Evan would likely want morphine. Once they got him out, she intended to see to his wounds and never let him go.

"All right, McKay, stay put." Carter gave Jenn one more glance. "We've got combat engineers here. We're gonna dig you out."

"Well, hurry up!" McKay urged.

"We'll work as fast as is safe, Rodney."

"No, no, no, you don't understand." McKay spoke rapidly, the rubble making it somewhat difficult to understand him. "I just found out that when the self-destruct is initiated, it's automatically programmed to send a sub-space burst. Michael's probably already on his way!"

Jenn sat back on her heels. Evan was okay, but Michael was coming. She could handle that as long as Evan got out and they got away before Michael did anything to them. Even hearing that the other two life signs were deeper and needed to be beamed out using the _Daedalus_'s beaming technology couldn't dampen the urgency she felt. She wanted Evan. Out. Now.

It seemed like days passed before the combat engineers hollowed out a hole big enough to let Rodney climb out. As much as she wanted to wait for Evan, Jenn took his arm and led him to the side. "Come over here."

"I'm fine." He waved her off, studying his tablet. "It's just a couple of scrapes."

"Wow. Rodney McKay refusing medical help." She blinked. "Now I _really_ know there's something wrong!"

"Seriously, I'm okay." He turned to her, his face concerned but understanding. "Just-you should look after Lorne."

Jenn turned at that and watched as the engineers pulled Evan out of the hole. He hopped on one foot as they helped him back against another pile of rubble. As he dropped onto his rear, he grunted and then cried out in pain. Jenn knelt next to him, reaching for her kit.

"Hey." He took her shaking hands in his. "I'm okay."

"I know." She smiled at him. She would not cry now. Later, maybe, but not now. Not with his incredible blue eyes watching her in spite of the blood running down his face from the head wound and the fine gray dust covering every part of him. "I just. . .got scared. . .there for a bit."

"Yeah, me, too," he admitted.

Jenn smiled at him. She wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to let him hold her and scare away her nightmares. Up until this moment, she'd thought her worst nightmare revolved around the Bola Kai and Wraith. She knew better. Her worse nightmare was losing this wonderful man.

"Everyone fall back to your Jumpers!" Carter called out.

Jenn looked up and recognized the sound of Wraith darts. One dart got a little too close, and Vega, a new member of the Expedition, took aim with an M4 rifle. Jenn ducked behind some debris, and Evan's arm held her down. A moment later, the dart veered off course and disappeared.

"Nice shot!" Jenn stared.

Carter rushed over to them. "All right, let's fall back to our Jumpers."

McKay pointed. "We've still got men trapped down there."

Carter shook her head slightly. "They're gonna have to wait. We're no good to them out in the open like this. Let's go! Fall back!"

Jenn let the combat engineers help Evan to his feet and support his weight. It was enough that she'd got him back. Once on the _Daedalus_, she could set his leg and make sure he was comfortable. Then, she intended to curl up on his shoulder and have a good cry. Maybe a heart-to-heart about this. Something to cope with the fear that overtook her when she heard he might be dead. She knew what it meant for her, for them. And she hoped he'd feel the same way.

oOo

Late that night, after performing emergency surgery on Sheppard following his foolish rescue of Teyla, Jenn walked out of the infirmary. With Michael's cruiser destroyed, many of the wounded had been beamed to the planet and walked through the gate to Atlantis. As soon as he gained the gate room, Sheppard collapsed and let her take him to the infirmary. Jenn set him up on a bed and prepped the OR, knowing that he needed to be seen right away. But John Sheppard was stubborn. He insisted she do a thorough physical on Teyla and her baby. Just watching the mother and son together put a smile on Jenn's face.

Now, Jenn let her eyes linger on Teyla and her son for a few moments longer. Both mother and child slept, both peaceful. Sheppard would make a full recovery, and life on Atlantis would return to normal. But, watching Teyla, Jenn made a decision. Rather than going to her own quarters, her steps turned down another familiar path, one that she needed to take.

Evan called for her to enter, and she found him lying on his couch, his casted leg out in front of him as he set aside his laptop. He grimaced as he sat up, but he smiled once done. "I had a feeling you'd be coming."

She never hesitated but curled into his side, careful to avoid the bruises she knew he had. Her staff had seen that he'd showered had and his leg set, but she'd been unable to get to him around trying to work on Sheppard and other injured people on the _Daedalus_. "I thought I'd lost you," she said, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"I thought I'd lost me." His voice deepened. Roughened. "Jenn, I never wanted to put you through that. But that's what my life is."

"I know." She sat up and touched his face. "That's what _our_ life is. You're not the only one who gave up almost everything to come to another galaxy. And, if you haven't noticed, my life is as crazy as yours, possibly more so. People seem to like a good healer."

He smiled. "You look tired."

"I am tired." She snuggled back onto his shoulder. "But Colonel Sheppard is all patched up, and Teyla is happily sleeping with her son."

"Did she name him, yet?"

"Torren John."

"Ah." Evan stayed quiet for a few moments, playing with the ends of her hair. Finally, he stirred. "What happened on _Daedalus_?"

"Sheppard refused medical attention." She sat up, her tension returning as she thought about the argument she'd had with Atlantis's military leader. Bracing her elbows on her knees, she shook her head. "He told me that he'd had the chance to save someone before, but he didn't take it. I've read about Lieutenant Ford, I know the stories. But I couldn't let him walk out of there. He didn't get in my face, but he told me that he _was_ walking out of there to save Teyla. That. . . ." She looked at Evan. How could she tell him that John loved Teyla and had told her so? No one else knew the full truth of that, and she preferred people to think that she and Sheppard had argued rather than what had happened. Sheppard had told her that he loved Teyla, and Jenn had let him go knowing she would have sacrificed everything to save Evan.

Rather than continuing that line of conversation, she met Evan's eyes. "I'm kind of jealous of Teyla, if you ask me."

"Because Sheppard rescued her?"

"Because he cared enough to put his own life on the line to rescue her."

Evan frowned. "Jenn, you know I'd do that any day of the week."

"I know." She smiled. "And I'm glad you didn't have to. But I can't help the romantic dreams that it stirred. I want that kind of relationship, but I want it with you. I want to wake up next to you every morning. Feel you next to me when I fall asleep. Hold your hand at dinner without worrying about who's watching. Know that you're mine and no one else's. For the rest of our lives. I want to see what our kids would be like. Would they grow up to be like you? Or would one of them be a doctor like me? I want. . . ." She realized what she'd said, and her face flamed. "I mean. . .I. . .uh. . . ."

He chuckled and shifted to stare at her. "Why, Doc, did you just propose?"

Jenn stared at him, thinking all the way back to their first date. She'd accepted his dinner invitation that night simply for company, and it had changed her life. Now, he watched her with a greater hope, a greater joy, sparkling in those blue eyes, and she found her courage. "Yes. I am."

Evan stared at her for a moment longer. Then, he pulled her into a deep kiss full of promise and something else. She felt as if she'd been rescued, like he had pulled her out of the rubble of her life. When he pulled away, he smiled. "Then, I accept."

Jenn let out a deep breath and snuggled back into his embrace. She'd let her words run away with her, but sometimes that was a good thing. She nudged the computer with her toe. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Nothing." He tightened his hold. "Just sitting here, dreaming with my future bride."

She smiled again. The future would come. Eventually, she'd have a ring on her finger, and he would have one on his. They would face life together. And, for the first time since coming to Atlantis, Jenn knew that she'd found her match, no matter what she'd risked to get him. And she didn't intend to let him go.

~TBC


	27. Families

**Author's Note:** Well, folks, here it is. The final chapter of the story. A special thanks to Gateworld for their transcripts of the show. I own only the original portions of this story, none of the show's dialogue or even these amazing characters. For a random plot bunny that was born during an episode of SGA, this turned into quite the story. Thank you all for taking this journey with me. Hope you enjoyed it. ~lg

oOo

A week later, Jenn and Evan stepped through the gate and onto Earth. With Midway destroyed, they had a three-week trip back to Pegasus on the _Daedalus_. They didn't mind. It meant more time that they'd have to spend together. For now, though, they had news to share and people to see.

In the week before their departure, they learned the shocking news that Colonel Carter had been removed from command. Evan wished he'd been able to say goodbye to her. Out of all his COs, Carter had been one of the best, ranking up there with Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard. He respected her experience on SG-1 before she ever arrived on Atlantis, and she had earned greater respect while on Atlantis. Jenn also discovered the link between the neurotoxin that had almost killed her and had killed Mara. She and McKay found references to it as they went through the database salvaged from Michael's lab. It seemed that the neurotoxin was a failed attempt at creating a Hoffan-type drug. Ultimately, Michael turned to the Hoffan drug simply because the neurotoxin killed more humans than Wraith. Cold, yes, but effective.

Now, as he stood behind Jenn, he wondered if he'd made a mistake. Evan Lorne wasn't afraid of much, but a certain father had managed to put the fear of God into him. Not that Martin Keller had done anything to indicate that Evan needed to fear him. But, knowing what Jenn had gone through and knowing how he'd feel if it was his little girl, he expected to get grilled. He waited while Jenn knocked on the door of her own home, her eyes sparkling as she fulfilled her plan to surprise her father. Evan just hoped that his broken leg granted him a little mercy from the future father-in-law.

Martin Keller opened the door and blinked in dumbfounded shock. "Jennifer?"

"Hi, Daddy."

Martin laughed. "You're home!" He took his daughter in his arms and hugged her tightly, a smile wrinkling the corners of his eyes. "I wasn't anticipating seeing you again this year!" He pushed her back and studied her face, touched her hair, and caught sight of Evan. "Who's this?"

"Dad, I'd like you to meet Major Evan Lorne." Jenn turned to Evan, her eyes slightly unsure. "Evan, this is my father, Martin Keller."

Martin looked him up and down. "Major? Air Force?"

"Yes, Sir." Evan stuck out a hand, propping one of his crutches against his side. "It's an honor to meet you, Sir."

Martin waved in irritation before shaking his hand. "Drop the 'Sir,' and you're good. I'm Martin."

Evan stifled the urge to say, "Yes, Sir" a second time and simply stood there.

Martin turned back to his daughter. "Well, Jennifer, what do you think you're doing? Get the man inside and off his feet."

Jenn flushed and motioned through the door, waiting as Evan managed to find his way into the sunken living room. He looked around curiously. Jenn had grown up here. While he wanted to relax, to take Martin's words at face value, he couldn't. The man still didn't know that he wanted to marry Jenn. Instead of dropping into a chair, he studied the large flat screen TV mounted on the wall, shelves on either side, leather couches, and large windows that opened onto a back patio. A dining table stood in front of those windows, on a hardwood floor that raised one step as it entered the kitchen.

Martin came back inside with their bags. "So, tell me, what happened to the leg?"

"Ah. . .building collapse." Evan finally sat down in the corner of the couch, leaning his crutches against the wall. "I had the unfortunate timing to be inside."

Martin pointed at Jenn. "And she patched you up?"

Evan studied Jenn, his eyes seeing how she flushed. "You could say that."

Martin eyed his daughter with a knowing look and winked at Evan. "It's good to have you here. Maybe you can convince her to quit worrying about me and to stop prescribing all these medications."

"Dad." Jenn frowned at him. "You know what they're for. And I'd rather do it than someone I don't know."

"I know, I know." Martin turned back to Evan. "Bad heart. Unfortunately. I don't care where in the world she is, though, my little girl takes great care of me."

Evan smiled, watching the father and daughter together. Martin clearly doted on Jenn, and she worried about him. His smile widened as he figure that maybe, this time, she'd leave without thinking about her father's health. Maybe she'd have something else to occupy her time. Like the two nephews who waited to meet her in San Francisco.

Late that night, after dinner in Chippewa Falls and a hilarious viewing of _Transformers_, Evan sat on the living room couch and listened to the quiet. Martin had disappeared an hour ago, taking a phone call in his office. And Jenn had gone upstairs to shower after their long flight from Colorado and the subsequent evening. Evan enjoyed the quiet. Martin welcomed him in spite of the broken leg, and Evan knew he'd been read like a book.

Jenn reappeared before he finished those thoughts. She settled next to him in the darkened room. "So, what do you think?"

"Of your home or of your dad?"

"Both."

"Your home is beautiful." He smiled. "And your dad is. . .ah. . .different. He's not quite what I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"Somewhat stoic, not quite ready to let you go, and _way_ more intimidating."

She laughed. "Don't let him hear you say that!"

He slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "I'm glad we came."

"Me, too."

The way she looked up at him, the warm light from the kitchen catching her eyes, pulled him toward her. He leaned down, kissing her gently, letting her take the lead. He felt her surrender to him, and he pulled her closer, enjoying her nearness. She responded in kind, and the living room fell silent.

Martin cleared his throat behind them. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

Jenn jumped away with a squeal, an amazing blush covering her face. Evan, on the other hand, refused to be so embarrassed. He'd gladly take a beating for her, and he also saw the sparkle in Martin's eyes. "Sorry, Sir."

"Oh, it's okay." Martin waved a hand as Jenn settled back into the couch. "Never had to worry about that with Gary around."

Before Evan could tense, Jenn lifted her head. "Who?"

He stared at her. Her face had gone completely blank, and she looked as if she'd truly forgotten. Rather than tensing, he wanted to pull her back into a hug.

Martin chuckled and turned to Evan. "Son, why haven't you put a ring on my little girl's finger?"

This time, Evan stared at Martin. "Ah. . .hadn't got that far in the trip, yet. And, for the record, _she_ proposed to _me_."

Martin nodded with pride. "That's my girl. Knowing what she wants and going after it."

The next two days saw Evan and Martin around the house, laughing and joking like old friends. Jenn watched the two of them interacting with each other, grateful that her father had accepted Evan. _Why wouldn't he?_ her mind asked. _Evan is the best thing that's ever happened to you._

Her thoughts returned to that moment on the couch when her father mentioned Gary. After Carson's words to her about comparing Gary and Evan, she'd worked to change how she thought. At that exact moment, however, with her lips still tingling from Evan's kiss, she couldn't remember who Gary was. His identity came flooding back a few minutes later, but she'd enjoyed that second or two of blissful ignorance. In time, she hoped that she'd completely forget Gary altogether. For now, she simply put him from her mind and let Evan chase him from her thoughts.

Nor could she fault her father. Gary had never come home with her, had never contacted her father. And she hadn't told Martin everything that had happened. He knew that his little girl had returned home from medical school with a broken heart. He'd never even seen the scars that Gary left on her body. But Evan had, and Evan accepted her no matter what had happened in the past. Just as quickly as her father had reminded her of her nightmare, she allowed Evan to help her forget.

Several days later, she understood why Evan had been so nervous on her father's front porch. She stood next to him, her hand firmly clenched in his, as he knocked on his sister's front door. They had made arrangements to stay with Ellen's family for the duration of their trip to San Francisco. Jenn tried not to squeeze Evan's hand too badly as the door opened. What if they didn't like her?

A dark-haired woman with eyes as blue as Evan's squealed and threw herself into his arms. Jenn watched the two, amazed at how alike they looked. Then, the woman turned and saw her. She smiled. "You must be Jennifer."

Jenn glanced at Evan and saw the sheepish expression on his face. "I am." She stuck out her hand and was pulled into a hug.

Ellen grinned when she released Jenn. "I am so happy to meet you! It's about time someone nailed Ev's feet to the floor!"

Jenn found herself instantly relaxing around Ellen. A moment later, she heard the childish shouts and felt a little boy hurtle into her legs. She looked down at his grin. "Hey."

"Are you gonna be my aunt?"

Jenn laughed and flushed. After a nod from Evan, she turned to the boy. "Yes, I am."

"What's your name?"

"Jenn. My name is Jenn."

He grabbed her hand and tugged her inside the house. "Daddy! Daddy, come meet Aunt Jenn!"

The scene was repeated when Evan's older nephew arrived home from school. Jenn found herself ensconced on the couch with the Chris and Jared, sharing snacks and reading a book to them. Late that evening, after dinner with Evan's parents, she slipped away from the children and let Evan escort her to the back yard.

He stood, his crutches leaned against the wall as he balanced on one foot. "There's. . .ah. . .something I'd like to do."

Jenn turned to face him, seeing the tension that crossed his face. He pulled her close, wrapping an arm around her waist as he pulled a small box from his pocket. It wasn't a crisp velvet box from a jewelry store. Instead, this battered wood box had seen many years. He opened it, revealing a sparkling silver wedding set.

"It belonged to my grandmother," he said softly into her ear as he pulled out the square-cut engagement ring. "My mother has been holding this for me for years, hoping I'd find the right woman to give it to. And I have."

Jenn tore her eyes from the heirloom wedding set to stare into his face. "It's beautiful."

Evan smiled. "I know what you said back home." He snapped the box closed and held up the engagement ring. "But I have to ask anyway. Jennifer Keller, will you take this ring as a promise to be in my heart and life forever, no matter what may come our way?"

_No matter what._ He'd said that to her so many times over the course of the last months. She fought with her tears as she smiled and nodded. "Yes, I will. No matter what."

Evan let his smile stretch across his face, and he slipped the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly, and he admitted to having it sized thanks to a little tip from her father. Then, he kissed her again, sealing the promise of what was to come.

When he pulled away to allow them to breathe, Jenn caught movement behind him. She laughed when his nephews ducked out of the window. "We've been caught."

Evan glanced over his shoulder. "By the kids?"

"Yep."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Are you upset?"

"Nope."

"Good." He would have kissed her again, but the doors opened behind him and spilled two rambunctious nephews onto the patio. Jenn welcomed them, and Evan let her be pulled away. But, as she sat with the two boys, reading them one final story before bed, she let her eyes move away from the page and catch Evan's gaze. They may face some difficult times on Atlantis, but he'd always be there for her. Just as she'd always be there for him.

No matter what.

~THE END~


End file.
